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12 Things You Should Know About Caring For the Elderly

Posted on April 5, 2017 by Barbara Harper

Every now and then I come across articles like “Ten Things Your Plumber Won’t Tell You” or “12 Things Your Doctor Would Like You to Know.” Often they are pretty enlightening.

I’ve written extensively before about our experiences caring for my mother-in-law, almost four years in our home and five years before that in assisting living facilities and a nursing home, and shared some hopefully helpful tips for people in the same situation. But I got to thinking, if I ever had an opportunity to speak to a group or write one article on this topic, what are the top few truths or principles I would share? Probably among them would be these:

1. Preserve as much of their independence for as long as possible. It seems like often family members will see an elderly loved one’s need of assistance before that person does. Sometimes denial causes the elderly to think they can carry on as they always have: I think more often it’s fear of loss of independence. I’ve heard more than one person express dismay or impatience that their loved one won’t just go along with the program and make it easier on everybody and move into a facility already. But have you ever thought about what that involves? Depending on the facility and how much money is available, it means much smaller living space, selling the family home, departing with long-loved objects in order to downsize, communal meals, not being able to control your own medication or, to a certain degree, your schedule. The first time we moved my mother-in-law into a facility, I thought it was something like a cross between a dorm room and a hospital. I liked the dorms in college: I wouldn’t want to go back to them in my later years. Think about having had your own personal space for 50-odd years and suddenly moving into one room that anyone in the facility can come into at any time. Granted, that accessibility, having the staff control medications, etc., is for one’s safety: but that doesn’t make it any easier or make one look forward to it.

2. If/when you do have to go against their wishes, be as gracious as possible about it. My mother-in-law is very much a “stay with the status quo” type of person, at least since she has been here. She has had hearing aids for as long as I remember, but when she first moved here, she couldn’t hear much at all even with the aids, even if we were sitting next to her and nearly shouting. She’d just smile and say, “You’ll just have to speak up!” Frustrating! My husband took her to an audiologist, and all along the way until she actually got the new hearing aids, she kept saying, “I’m doing all right with what I have: I don’t think we need to get new ones.” Jim just kept quietly insisting that we needed to explore the possibility, and once she got the new ones, she was pleased. She wanted to keep baking soda in her room because she used it as an antacid: Jim didn’t think the extra sodium would be good for her health. Once when I visited she just kept bringing it up and insisting it was fine. I had an “out” in saying Jim didn’t think she should have it, but we kept going over the same points of conversation. He finally compromised in letting her keep a pack of Rolaids in her drawer (which technically we weren’t supposed to do: all medication was supposed to be handed out by the nurse). I don’t think she ever used them, but it must have eased her mind just to have them. It’s hard to know sometimes when to insist and when to let something go. You have to choose your battles. But don’t make it a battle, if possible: don’t be confrontational or argumentative. Thankfully his mom was never combative, but I have friends whose parents are. It’s hard to bathe an 85-year-old adult who doesn’t want a bath and even resists it. You can let it go for a while, but eventually it has to happen. Distraction or diversion works for many things, so perhaps discussing something else while getting set up for the bath will get their minds on another track. (If any of you have tips along this line, feel free to share them!)

3. Convey to them that they are still important and useful. When we moved my mother-in-law into an assisted living facility, my husband told her she would never have to cook or clean again, and after having done those things for most of her life, she was glad to hear it! She loved having time to enjoy reading, her favorite activity. One day when she was visiting our home for a family gathering, and an old family story came up concerning something funny she had said years ago, we all laughed, including her. Then she said, “Well, at least I’m still good for something” (meaning, good for a laugh). I was stunned. I hadn’t realized that she hadn’t felt “good for something,” that she had kind of lost her purpose. One of my regrets is that I didn’t do more on visits with her, like ask her about her life and history and write the answers down to share with other loved ones, or go through a box of very old photos and arrange them in an album with her.

4. Treat them with dignity: don’t treat them like children. Very old age does have some things in common with childhood, but it is not the same. In I’m Still Here: A New Philosophy of Alzheimer’s Care, John Zeisel writes, “It’s not right to think of Alzheimer patients as entering their ‘second childhood.’ They have knowledge and life experience children don’t have.” That’s true of any elderly person. Once when my husband came to pick up his mom at her facility, the aide with her said, “It’s almost like you’ve switched places, isn’t it?” and then turned to his mom and said, “Your daddy is here, honey.” No, it is NOT like that. He had to ask her not to say things like that. Yes, the son or daughter will have to make major decisions and handle things the parent used to, and the parent may be incapable of doing many things any more, but that’s not the same thing as reverting to childhood. Especially fingernails-on-the-chalkboard grating is talking baby talk to them.

5. Do NOT put them in a facility without checking on the regularly and frequently. You would assume that everyone who works in assisted living or a nursing home is kind, professional, skilled, and will take the best possible care of each resident. We learned, sadly, that that’s not the case. I could tell you stories…my husband has said often that he’s going to write a book about this some day. Each place had some jewels in their workers, but each place also had some who were neglectful, who handled her roughly, who paid no attention to her posture, who talked over her to their coworkers and didn’t even look her in the eye while handling her in some way, who didn’t clean her face well after a meal so that she got red, rough irritated spots on her face, etc. Once I walked in to a facility, and they had her in her wheelchair in the common room with the other residents, she was bent over the side of her wheelchair at a 90 degree angle, even though there were several aides in the room, even though we bought some small pillows to help keep her upright in the chair. Plus the employees are overworked and underpaid and the facilities understaffed. On top of that, the residents might not be able to verbalize what’s wrong, either due to dementia or possibly even fear. My mother-in-law had a “don’t rock the boat” personality, and the more she declined, the more help she needed, the more her care declined. “The squeaky wheel gets the grease” is as true here as everywhere else. There were some residents who really needed a staff member with them almost 24/7 for various reasons, and that left the quiet ones like my mother-in-law unattended for too long too often.

6. Don’t forget them. Whereas #5 was more concerned about their safety and well-being, here I mean don’t forget them on a personal level. Continue to interact even if they don’t remember who you are. A lady in our church who writes notes once or twice a month to my mother-in-law checks in with me from time to time to see if she still enjoys them or gets anything out of them. I tell her, honestly, I don’t know if she remembers who the writer is, and I don’t know if she remembers anything the note said five minutes after it’s read to her, but for those few minutes, she knows someone thought about her and cared enough to jot a few lines to her. It’s incredibly sad to us when holidays or her birthday go by (and the days in-between as well) and she hears from almost no one.

7. The best thing you can give them is your time and attention. When my mother-in-law was in a facility, we tried to visit her every day. We usually sat and visited, but I’d run out of things to talk about after a while. I felt more “useful” when I could pick up or straighten her room or do something physical, but that tended to embarrass her. Likewise, gift bags, flowers, etc., are nice, but don’t feel you have to bring anything. What’s most valuable is for someone to face them, look them in the eye, talk directly to them and focus on them, or, if you live away from your loved one, a personal note, perhaps an new photo, or Face Time or Skype if possible.

8. All eating problems do not mean the end is in sight. Whenever I have mentioned eating problems with my mother-in-law to almost any health care professional, they’ll say, “Well, you know, when they get near the end, they’re just not as interested in food.” That may be true, but that doesn’t mean other factors might not be involved. When we moved my mother-in-law to our home from the nursing home, she was around 90 lbs., and we thought we were bringing her home to die. That was four years ago. I think a combination of food prepared and seasoned well, warm and not cold from sitting on a cart while food is distributed, and, most important, someone to feed her who takes time with her, all contributed to her eating well again and gaining weight. We learned that eating tires her out, so sometimes you have to give her a few bites, give her a drink, wait a bit, then try a few more bites. Even now she’ll have certain meals, or even certain days, where she’s just not interesting in eating. Since she doesn’t speak much any more, we don’t know if the food is too hot, too cold, doesn’t taste good, or if she’s just tired or doesn’t feel well. Sometimes I think she’s just not going to open her mouth because eating is the one thing she can control in her life. But that usually lasts just a day or so, sometimes a few days, and then she’s back to eating normally.

9. It is probably going to get worse. My mother-in-law has been on a something of a plateau for a couple of years now, but for a long while, if anyone asked us how she was doing, the response would be that she wasn’t doing very well. Sometimes people were taken aback that we didn’t have a positive cheery answer, like when people say, “How are you?” and expect no other answer except, “Fine, how are you?” in return, and they’re jarred a bit at any other answer, especially a negative one. Once we said, “Well, she’s declining,” and the person responded, “Well, we’re all declining.” (Sigh.) I’ve wondered what people expect when they ask that question in the waning years of a person’s life. The person may have many wonderful days, but in the long run, they are either losing abilities (in my mother-in-law’s case) or multiplying health issues, and things are steadily going downhill.

10. The caregiver needs care. Even if the loved one is in a facility rather than the home, often one of the adult children is primarily in charge of seeing to her care and needs. And of course, if she is being cared for at home, obviously that person or family is taking on the bulk of her care. The caregivers need to know they’re not alone, that everyone else cares. They may need advice, emotional support, financial support, respite. I’ve known some cases where one is the primary caregiver, but the other siblings take the parent home for a weekend or a few days. Distance or the parent’s condition may prevent that, but it’s nice if it can happen. Thankfully we’ve had friends both in church and online who have cared for parents in their home, and they’ve been highly valuable and helpful to confer with, even just to have that fellowship of someone understanding exactly what’s involved.

11. I’m not a saint, except in the Biblical concept that everyone who believes on the Lord Jesus Christ as Savior is called a saint. Some people put caregivers on a pedestal or overly praise them, but we’re just ordinary people struggling through what we’re called to do. Appreciation or encouragement are more welcome than unvarnished praise, but it’s hard to know where the dividing lines are sometimes.

12. It’s hard. It’s hard to see one’s loved ones decline and to see their circumstances and quality of life reduced. It’s hard to feel the weight of their care. It’s hard to feel guilty about feeling that their care is weighty or about occasional resentment. My husband feels guilty that he doesn’t spend more time with his mom, but she sleeps about 20 hours a day, and it doesn’t do either of them any good for him to sit in her room while she’s sleeping. It’s hard to feel limited. It’s expensive to hire outside help – the agency we use charges $17 an hour, and we already have them here forty+ hours a week just so we’re free to run errands, make appointments, or just have a break. But we can’t just pick up and go out to eat, go on vacation, go to our son’s house, etc., without making arrangements and incurring more expenses. One friend who lived alone with her mom had people who could come over for a few hours or even a couple of days, but, still, that’s a lot to ask of someone, so the caregiver doesn’t feel the freedom to ask that often. In our case, my mother-in-law’s situation and the care needed is such that just having someone come and sit with her would not be sufficient. We’re limited even in ministry: we can’t go to everything that happens at church. My husband was a deacon when we first brought his mom home and submitted his resignation to the pastor because he just couldn’t be away for long meetings, etc., at that time. It’s hard to feel like even mentioning these things sounds like complaining.

I’ve written about this before, but what helps most is just accepting that this is our ministry for now, just like having a new baby in the house is a mother’s primary ministry. As Elisabeth Elliott has said, our limitations just define our ministry: “For it is with the equipment that I have been given that I am to glorify God. It is this job, not that one, that He gave me.” Each ministry carries its own responsibilities, weights, and cares, but “God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work” (2 Corinthians 9:8).

I’ve written from our experiences and that of friends, but, of course, every experience is different. People have widely varying capacities as they age: we know a 90-year-old who still lives at home, drives, is active at church and with her hobbies, an 80-year-old who still travels internationally and even recently remarried. I had one friend whose mother-in-law had Alzheimer’s but was physically fine, and she was able to take her mother-in-law with her wherever she went, at least in the earlier stages of the disease. And there is much, much more that could be said. But I hope you’ve been able to find some degree of common ground here and something helpful.

(Sharing with Inspire me Monday, Literary Musing Monday, Testimony Tuesday, Wise Woman, and Woman to Woman Word-filled Wednesday)

Friday’s Fave Five

Posted on March 31, 2017 by Barbara Harper

It’s Friday, time to look back over the blessings of the week with Susanne at Living to Tell the Story and other friends.

March can often be a mixture of winter’s end and spring’s beginning, even sometimes on same day. But this month has been fairly pleasant, especially the last week or so. Here are some highlights from it:

1. Putting out spring decorations. Love the fresh feel in the house with some springy items around.

2. A bunny sighting. We used to have a few wild bunnies visiting the back yard for the thistle plants and spilled bird seed, but since we had to cut down our long row of trees last year, I haven’t seen them…until one day this week. There was one right outside the window by my desk. Usually where there is one bunny there are more…so I hope we start seeing them come around again.

3. Mending is not a favorite, and I have to confess I neglect it for much longer than I care to admit. But I got a couple of items repaired last week, and it felt good to get that done. I hope to finish off a couple more soon.

4. A bridal shower is a fun event, to ooh and aah over the bride’s gifts, fellowship with other ladies, and enjoy goodies. The one I attended last weekend had all of that, plus the hostess is particularly good at that kind of thing: table settings, atmosphere, lovely presentations of foods, etc. The whole setting looked like a magazine spread. I loved enjoying her gifts while not feeling I needed to live up to them. 🙂

5. New dish towels. I’ve mentioned before that I have a hard time finding dish towels that I like. If I can find the thicker, fluffier ones that I prefer, I then can’t find colors and patterns that I like. But I found some that were pleasing on all counts on sale last week at Joann’s. I think the original price was ridiculously high, but they were 40% off and I had a gift card, so that helped.

Bonus: While outside at our house one evening, Timothy told his dad he saw a “flying race car in the sky.” Jason tried to see what he was talking about and sighted this:

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As he posted on Facebook, “Sometimes when your toddler says he sees a ‘flying race car,’ he’s not making it up.” It made a couple of passes near us, and it was so much fun to see Timothy so excited over it.

Happy Friday!

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Touches of Spring

Posted on March 29, 2017 by Barbara Harper

Although spring is one of my favorite seasons, I haven’t always decorated for it. Even as I collected some spring decorations over the years, I haven’t always gotten them out. But this year I was inspired by seeing blogging friends’ spring decorating, and I was just so glad for spring to come this year, even though we haven’t really had a harsh winter, that I almost couldn’t help bringing some springiness into the house.

This little table sits just inside the front door, and I was especially pleased with the decorations on top:

The little flower arrangement on the left I got from a thrift store years ago, and the arched box on the right was a gift from Jason and Mittu some years back. It’s meant to hold Willow Tree figurines and has shelves inside, but I don’t have any that small, and don’t really want any more than I have. But I just like the box. Sometimes Timothy will tuck things in there, and sometimes I’ll put something in there for him to find. Those two are on the table year round except fall and Christmastime. The ceramic water pitcher I got at a thrift store years ago, and the little flowery bunny was a Hobby Lobby purchase a while back.

So cute!

The little pedestal is new this year.

I got the idea from Laura’s lovely spring decorations. I couldn’t find white like she had, but Hobby Lobby had these in pink, blue, yellow, and green, and they had all their spring merchandise 40% off last week. They had a package of ready-made nests with these eggs in them as well. I was originally looking for white or blue eggs, but liked these.

For a long time I avoided eggs and bunnies around Easter, but after a while I felt that they are fitting for spring, and spring is a picture in a way of the resurrection.

This is in the dining area and is a favorite. I forget where I got it.

I had wanted to come up with a new wreath or something for the front door – or actually for beside the front door. Our door has an oval glass insert which doesn’t seem conducive to wreaths or other decorations, and a little hanger was already installed in the brick next to the door, so we use that. In past years I’ve used this:

(That’s an older photo on a different door). I liked it, but somehow it looked funereal to me. Plus roses and hydrangeas aren’t blooming yet, so I wanted something a little more springy. I wrestled with whether I wanted it to look like spring in general or Easter in particular. On some of my shopping excursions last week, I looked around to see what was available. I definitely wanted tulips, but there were almost none in the fake flower departments, and what I did find, I didn’t like. I guess I should shop earlier in the year for fake spring flowers! After walking all around a few different stores, I finally found one lone tulip bunch at Hobby Lobby, a few half-off sprays at Joann’s and a small cheapy arrangement at Wal-Mart that I harvested to put together for this:

I don’t remember where I got that green pocket holder years ago, but I love it. It’s nice to just toss things in without having to use hot glue or a form to stick the flowers in. I had been considering the idea of a wreath with tulips and a little nest nestled in, and maybe I’ll try that next year, but for now I like this.

I ended up with some leftover flowers after all of that, so I put them in here:

I had an egg on a pick leftover from a flower arrangement years ago and found a package of them at Hobby Lobby, and tried a few of them in the pocket arrangement above, but it just looked too busy. I think if the flowers had been all one color, it would have worked better. I debated about whether to put any in this little arrangement, but finally settled on just the one.

In addition, these two are out year round, but they do look springy!

This is beside my kitchen sink. I don’t remember where I got the little pitcher: I’ve had it for years. But the flowers were just two picks from Home Interiors. I do change the flowers out for fall and Christmas.

The lighting wasn’t ideal for this photo – the sun was streaming in blindingly, but when I closed the blinds and turned on all the lights, it wasn’t quite enough for a clear shot. But anyway, the cloche with the bird nest in it was from Cracker Barrel (I think I may have hinted at it for a gift for Mother’s Day one year. 🙂 ) And the little birds were on sale at Hobby Lobby a couple of years ago. The little plaque is metal and I think came from a Christian bookstore in SC.

I enjoyed working on this last week, and now I feel sufficiently springy inside. 🙂

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What’s On Your Nightstand: March 2017

Posted on March 28, 2017 by Barbara Harper

What's On Your Nightstand

The folks at 5 Minutes For Books host What’s On Your Nightstand? the last Tuesday of each month in which we can share about the books we have been reading and/or plan to read.

Usually I have my Nightstand post prepared ahead of time, but the last Tuesday of the month snuck up on me! So here goes:

Since last time I have completed:

How to Read the Bible For All Its Worth by Gordon D. Fee and Douglas Stuart, reviewed here. Its main strength was bringing out the particulars of studying the different genres in Scripture. Good.

Traces of Guilt by Dee Henderson, reviewed here. A task force studying cold cases begins work in a small town with two heartbreaking cases. The suspense is in the puzzle-solving of examining leads and finding connections. I always enjoy Dee.

The Ringmaster’s Wife by Kristy Cambron, reviewed here, traces the path of two women on different trajectories who end up a part of the Ringling Brothers circus family. One was a real person, one was fictional. An enjoyable read.

Uncle Tom or New Negro?: African Americans Reflect on Booker T. Washington and UP FROM SLAVERY 100 Years Later edited by Rebecca Carroll, reviewed here. I stumbled across this while looking for Washington’s Up From Slavery. This book contains that text as well as commentary from 20 modern-day African Americans on Washington and his legacy. I had no idea until seeing this book that there was any controversy about him. Quite an enlightening read.

I’m currently reading:

Spiritual Mothering: The Titus 2 Design for Women Mentoring Women by Susan Hunt

A Place of Quiet Rest by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

When Others Shuddered: Eight Women Who Refused to Give Up by Jamie Janosz

Middlemarch by George Eliot

Snapshot by Lis Wiehl

Up Next:

The Portrait of Emily Price by Katherine Reay

Waiting for Peter by Elizabeth Musser.

Fierce Convictions: The Extraordinary Life of Hannah More by Karen Swallow Prior and Eric Metaxas

Eight Women of Faith by Michael A. G. Haykin

Or any of a number of choices from my reading plans for the year.

I think that about does it for now. What are you reading?

Faithful in Obscurity

Posted on March 27, 2017 by Barbara Harper

Many years ago, our former pastor preached a series of messages about Jesus’s 12 disciples. Several concentrated on Peter, naturally: he’s the one who is mentioned most often in the gospels and Acts and who also wrote two books himself. James and John, with Peter, made up the closest inner circle. We have memorable and telling scenes in the gospels with Matthew (aka Levi), Nathanael (also called Bartholomew), Philip, Andrew, and Thomas. And, of course, much could be observed about Judas. But there are several about whom we know little except their names and the fact that they were chosen of Jesus and were there in all the situations that involved the twelve.

My pastor pointed out that one lesson we can learn from them is faithfulness in obscurity. Their names might not be the ones everyone remembers: in fact, theirs might be the hardest to come up with in a trivia challenge. But they had their purposes and their duties.

Sometimes God has us “in the background” for a season. I’ve just been reading the first few chapters of 1 Samuel was was struck by how often it’s said that “Samuel was ministering before the Lord” or “Samuel continued to grow both in stature and in favor with the Lord and also with man” in contrast with Eli’s wicked sons. His time of more public ministry came later, and I’m sure he had no idea how far-reaching it would be. But he faithfully served God whether in the background or the limelight. Paul spent three years in Arabia, a section of his life we know little about, before becoming well-known.

Sometimes we’re in obscurity because our mission is to be the help and support behind the one out in front. Perhaps you’ve heard mention of Mr. Edward D. Kimball, perhaps not, but he is the Sunday School teacher who led D. L. Moody to the Lord. From what I have read of him, he faithfully served in that capacity for years, and his ministry in the life of each of his students is as valuable as the one that resulted in a world-famous evangelist. John Newton’s mother was only able to influence her son for Christ for under seven years before she died. But God took the seed sown, watered it, and brought it to fruition years later. I read once where C. H. Spurgeon credited much of the success of his ministry to those who prayed for him behind the scenes.

Some experience a time of seeming obscurity after a wide and public ministry. Philip experienced quite a successful ministry in the city of Samaria, but he was just as faithful and just as useful when called to speak to one man on a desert road. Amy Carmichael had a very busy ministry in India when an accident left her an invalid for the last several years of her life. She might have felt more obscure and less useful, but God used her writings after that time to influence multitudes for years to come. Paul, as well, might have felt pretty obscure in a Roman prison after years of missionary journeys and preaching to crowds, but what we know as the prison epistles were born in that scenario. As Elisabeth Elliot said, our limitations don’t hinder our ministry: they define our ministry.

But probably the great majority of us are like those few disciples in the background. Our name isn’t meant for the spotlight. Maybe we couldn’t handle it. Maybe that’s just not where God wants us to be. People might not ever see or know what we do. But God does. Faithfulness to Him and whatever ministry He has called us to are what matters.

Though this isn’t a post primarily about blogging, some years ago a blogging friend wrote of something that has stayed with me all these years. She was struggling with the desire for more readers. But God helped her with the concept of “feeding those at the table”: being faithful to those who were within her reach and trusting Him with the size of the audience.

In what we call “the parable of the talents,” different people were given different amounts of the master’s money to steward. We’re not told why different ones had different amounts. But the person with only three wasn’t to covet the ten given to another: he was to faithfully invest what was entrusted to him.

It’s not necessarily wrong to seek a wider audience, especially when we’re trying to convey truth and encouragement. And it’s wrong to avoid a larger sphere of ministry if that’s what God is calling us to. But we’re to be faithful whether we’re ministering to few or many, whether our opportunities are wide or seemingly narrow. What matters is doing whatever we do as unto Him, and “thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly” (Matthew 6:4, 6).

(Sharing with Inspire me Monday, Testimony Tuesday, Woman to Woman Word-Filled Wednesday)

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My Father’s Love

Posted on March 26, 2017 by Barbara Harper

I have this song on a couple of CDs, and a lady in the church we used to attend in another state sang it occasionally. It always ministers to me, especially the last two lines of the refrain.

The world’s wealth and riches can be bought and sold.
But I possess a treasure far greater than gold;
‘Twas a gift passed down to me from heaven above,
‘Twas the gift of my Father’s love.

And my Father’s love is strong and true,
Always believing, always seeing me through.
So no matter what happens in His grand design,
I’ll be fine with my Father’s love.

Safe and secure now in His love alone,
I find here my place of worth as one of His own.
And I don’t need ev’rything this world wants to give,
‘Cause I live with my Father’s love.

And my Father’s love is strong and true,
Always believing, always seeing me through.
So no matter what happens in His grand design,
I’ll be fine with my Father’s love.

So, no matter what happens in His grand design,
I’ll be fine with my Father’s love,
with my Father’s love.
I have my Father’s love.

Text and music by Amy Susan Foster, Mike Harland and Niles Borop, recorded by the Soundforth Singers on their CD A Strong Tower and also by Sena Rice on Love Lifted Me. I don’t know who the folks are in this video, but the arrangement and accompaniment are much like the recordings I have.

Friday’s Fave Five

Posted on March 24, 2017 by Barbara Harper

It’s Friday, time to look back over the blessings of the week with Susanne at Living to Tell the Story and other friends.

This is a week when I have jotted down candidates for the FFF post all week, and when I do that, I usually end up with way more than five. But I’ll try to condense them. 🙂

1. SPRING! I love that it is not only officially spring now, but it has felt like it all week! I’ve enjoyed seeing blogging friends’ spring decorations posted this week and enjoyed working on some of my own (which I hope to show next week). I also enjoyed weeding out the winter things from my closet. It was still pretty cold when I did, but I just couldn’t stand those dark, heavy things any longer.

2. Rest and feeling better. I had a killer sore throat on Sunday and spent most of the day resting, napping, and reading. I was even planning on seeing the doctor Monday to be checked for strep throat, but by then I was immensely better. It’s still a little scratchy, especially if I go for a while without drinking anything, but that doesn’t happen often, and I think it’s mostly over.

3. Family ministrations. Jim washed my car for me on Saturday. Jason and Mittu not only came over and made dinner one night, but they washed the dishes as well and brought some tulips. Jesse brought boxes of spring decorations down from the attic for me and helped me clean up a bag of frozen vegetables that spilled all over the place when I opened it. We enjoyed Face-Timing with Jeremy one night this week. One friend said they missed hearing about Timothy last week. 🙂 He’s cute, smart, funny, and sweet every week. 🙂 While his mom was making dinner here one night, he was out with his dad and granddad riding what he calls his “mow.” Jim found this on some deal site last year, and Timothy thinks it looks like his granddad’s lawn mower. He’s been enjoying it again with the milder temperatures and later daylight recently.

Looks like he’s almost getting too big for it!

4. A couple of outings and spending gift cards. I was looking for a few items to round out my spring decorations, among other things, and enjoyed going to Hobby Lobby, Target, and Joann’s this week. Going to the craft places is like a kid going to the playground for me. 🙂 Joann’s is a little farther out, so I don’t get there as often, but I had three gift cards for there and a morning this week to go. And I found some great things in the Target dollar bins another morning! Most of the time I love and prefer days I don’t have to go anywhere, but sometimes it’s nice to go out and get refreshed and inspired.

5. A cancer-free boy. In some of the best news of the week, we found out that the 3-year-old grandson of our former pastor in Atlanta who has been battling leukemia and received several rounds of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant, had a bone marrow biopsy this week and was pronounced cancer-free! He still can’t go home for a few weeks, but is out of the hospital. This has been so hard on the whole family – if you feel so led, I am sure they’d appreciate your praise to God for this blessing and prayers for continued endurance and for them to be able to be all reunited at home as soon as possible.

And that wraps up another week. Happy Friday!

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Book Review: The Ringmaster’s Wife

Posted on March 22, 2017 by Barbara Harper

Kristy Cambron’s The Ringmaster’s Wife is set in the 1920s Jazz Age. Mable Burton came from humble beginnings on a farm in Ohio. She wanted more out of life, so she went to work at the Chicago World’s Fair, carrying with her a cigar box of clippings she had collected to inspire her dreams. She met John Ringling of the Ringling Brothers circus, and eventually they married.

Lady Rosamund Easling was an earl’s daughter whose life was more or less arranged for her without consultation as to her desires. Her parents were arranging and preparing for her engagement and marriage to a man she didn’t love, and worst of all, her father was selling her beloved horse, Ingenue, a gift from her deceased brother. When offered a chance to travel to America, Rosamund took it, eventually becoming the star bareback rider for the circus.

It’s interesting that the two women came from opposite ends of the economic and social spectrum, so to speak, but both were motivated to break out of the life that was expected of them. Mable and John were real people; Rosamund and Colin, the man in charge of everything under John, were fictional. Mable didn’t set out to become rich, but she adapted well to her new lifestyle without letting it go to her head. She and John loved Venice, so when they built their home, Ca’ d’ Zan (House of John), in Florida, Mable oversaw every aspect of it and included a lot of Venetian inspiration. They had grand parties with guests like the mayor and the Ziegfelds. After I read the book, I went back to reread Susanne’s review, and saw a comment there that Kristy had a video of a tour of the house, so I looked and found this. (That’s just the first floor: there is another for the second floor and one for the circus train cars I haven’t watched yet) It was fascinating to see, having just read the book.

In the book, though, Mable was known more for her quiet wisdom. She didn’t “dip her oar” in John’s business, but she extended her influence when she thought it appropriate, like accosting the boy who pickpocketed her husband and, seeing the potential in him, encouraging him to work for the circus (I don’t know if the pickpocket incident was real). Likewise when Rosamund was “just” a beginning performer, Mabel took time to encourage her.

I wondered what inspired Kristy to write about Mable and this era (both her previous books were set in WWII, but this and the next one are set in the Jazz Age). I didn’t find anything on that exactly, but in trying to find that out I did find this interview with her about the book.

There were a lot of behind-the-scenes looks at how a circus works, and a lot of mention of the circus workers as a family. Every family will have its squabbles, though, and there is some dissension among some on a couple of issues. But I think the main thrust of the book is the sacrifice and joy involved in chasing one’s dreams.

My only criticism was that the back-and-forth timelines got a little confusing at times, even though the date is at the beginning of every chapter.

My favorite line: “Home can move. As long as your heart goes with it.”

Genre: Historical inspirational fiction
Potential objectionable elements: None
My rating: 8 out of 10

(Sharing with Semicolon‘s Saturday Review of Books, Literary Musing Monday) and Carole’s Books You Loved)

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Trusting God in the Dark

Posted on March 20, 2017 by Barbara Harper

I’ve been rediscovering a CD that I’ve had for a while that had somehow gotten buried in my little basket I keep on the kitchen counter for CDs: Beyond All Praising by the BJU Singers and Orchestra. One of the songs that stands out to me from this CD is “In Your Silence,” words by Eileen Berry and music by Molly IJames, on the theme of trusting God even when He seems silent and distant.

In Your word I find the echoes of the questions in my mind;
Have I fallen from Your favor, is Your ear to me inclined?
When Your silence is unbroken, though my prayer ascends each day,
Father, keep my faith from failing in the face of long delay.

While You wait in gracious wisdom and my doubts begin to rise,
I recall Your loving kindness, and lift my hopeful eyes.
While Your hand withholds the answer, I will not withhold my heart.
I will love you in Your silence, I will trust You in the dark.

When the troubled thoughts within me hold me wakeful in the night,
And the shadows that surround me seem to hide me from Your sight.
Father, bring to my remembrance mercies shown in days gone by.
Help me rest upon Your promise: You will not neglect my cry!

It is performed beautifully here:

I think many Christians go through times like this. Biblically Job and the psalmists share similar thoughts, and this song echoes some of the Psalms: the second stanza brings to mind Psalm 63. The last two lines of the chorus particularly resonate with me: “While Your hand withholds the answer, I will not withhold my heart. I will love you in Your silence, I will trust You in the dark.”

This song also brings to mind a section in Evidence Not Seen by Darlene Deibler Rose (linked to my review). The following occurred while she was in a Japanese prison camp, having been captured while a missionary to the New Guinea during WWII.

I knew that without God, without that consciousness of His Presence in every troubled hour, I could never have made it…Quite suddenly and unexpectedly, I felt enveloped in a spiritual vacuum. “Lord, where have You gone? What have I said or done to grieve You? Why have You withdrawn Your Presence from me? Oh Father—” In a panic I jumped to my feet, my heart frantically searching for a hidden sin, for a careless thought, for any reason why my Lord should have withdrawn His Presence from me. My prayers, my expressions of worship, seemed to go no higher than the ceiling; there seemed to be no sounding board. I prayed for forgiveness, for the Holy Spirit to search my heart. To none of my petitions was there any apparent response.

I sank to the floor and quietly and purposefully began to search the Scriptures hidden in my heart…

“Lord, I believe all that the Bible says. I do walk by faith and not by sight. I do not need to feel You near, because Your Word says You will never leave me nor forsake me. Lord, I confirm my faith; I believe.” The words of Hebrews 11:1 welled up, unbeckoned, to fill my mind: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” The evidence of things not seen. Evidence not seen — that was what I put my trust in — not in feelings or moments of ecstasy, but in the unchanging Person of Jesus Christ. Suddenly I realized that I was singing:

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

I was assured that my faith rested not on feelings, not on moments of ecstasy, but on the Person of my matchless, changeless Savior, in Whom is no shadow caused by turning. In a measure I felt I understood what Job meant when he declared, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him” (13:35). Job knew that he could trust God, because Job knew the character of the One in Whom he had put his trust. It was faith stripped of feelings, faith without trappings. More than ever before, I knew that I could ever and always put my trust, my faith, in my glorious Lord. I encouraged myself in the Lord and His Word.

We don’t always know why God seems distant. Sometimes it is sin: though He is with us always, that fellowship can be broken when we’re sinning against Him. Sometimes, as in Darlene’s case, He is teaching us to trust in Him and His Word and not in our feelings. Sometimes, like for Daniel, answers are delayed due to spiritual opposition. There may be other reasons as well, but the answer is the same: reminding ourselves of and resting on His Word.

Though this is not a “dark” time for me, it is for a few friends, so I hope this encourages them, and I can shore these truths up for myself for when those times might come around in the future.

Who is among you that feareth the Lord, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness, and hath no light? let him trust in the name of the Lord, and stay upon his God. Isaiah 50:10

(Reposted from the archives)

(Sharing with Inspire me Monday, Literary Musing Monday, Wise Woman, Testimony Tuesday, Tell His Story, Woman to Woman Word-Filled Wednesday, Faith on Fire)

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Laudable Linkage

Posted on March 18, 2017 by Barbara Harper

It’s been a little while since I’ve been able to share some interesting online reads with you. Here is my latest collection:

Behind on Bible Reading? Sometimes our Bible reading plans from January have fallen by the wayside by this time. This is some encouragement to pick back up where you left off: “The point of reading daily is to continuously stay in the Word so I might better know and worship the Lord, not to be legalistically bound to a calendar.”

5 Ways Porn Lies to You. Much of this is true for other sins as well.

God Is Much Greater Than Her Experience of Him.

“It’s Not My Place to Judge.” What’s right and wrong with this sentiment.

Yes, You Can Please Your Heavenly Father.

God Will Open Doors For You to Serve.

Manoah’s Wife.

Blame Your Parents?

Parents, Take Time for the Tender Moments.

The Surprising Power of Little Things. HT to Challies.

No, “Saul the Persecutor” Did Not Become “Paul the Apostle.” I would have sworn this was wrong, until I read it.

When Should Christians Use Satire?

Solomon’s Twitter Guidelines.

No, Stay at Home Moms Do Not Waste Their Education, HT to Challies. I have felt this way but hadn’t put in into words quite like this. Very much agree that “Education is not just a synonym for job training” and “Education helps people do a better job at any task by helping them discover how to think, how to learn, and how to exercise the self-discipline necessary for achievement.”

A couple about missionaries:

5 Things Every Missionary Wants You to Know, HT to Kim.

Praying Biblically For Your Missionary: Clarity.

And a couple of funnies found on Pinterest:

Happy Saturday!