Category Archives: Christian Life

Is It Wrong to Read Romance Novels?

Posted on by

Recently I visited an old Christian message board that I used to frequent to see if it was still active. I came across a conversation where someone asked if reading romance novels was wrong. The only respondents were men. One said he thought they weren’t wrong, but they were a silly waste of time. Another said he thought they could be wrong.

I didn’t want to take the time to find my log-in information and wasn’t inclined to get into the discussion anyway. But I thought about the question for a few days.

So, do I think it’s wrong to read a romance novel?

It depends.

“Romance” covers a wide territory. Many books outside of the romance genre will contain a love interest. But in a romance, the main point of the plot is two people coming to realize and declare their love for each other.

Is there anything wrong with that as a basic plot? No. The Bible contains romances (Song of Solomon, Ruth and Boaz, Jacob and Rachel). Ephesians 5 tells us marriage is a picture of Christ and the church.

When I’m getting to know a couple, one of the first things I want to know is how they met. That usually leads into a longer story of how they knew they were right for each other. It’s always neat to see the Lord’s hand in bringing them together.

But that’s real life. Isn’t a fictional romance a waste of time?

No, a story isn’t a waste just because it’s imaginary. Jesus used fictional stories to make a point. So did OT prophets.

Fiction fleshes out truth. When I’m listening to a sermon, I might get the pastor’s point but wonder what it looks like in real life. Then he shares a sermon illustration so I see the truth in action.

Randy Alcorn said, “Some Christians view fiction as the opposite of truth. But sometimes it opens eyes to the truth more effectively than nonfiction.”

We read fiction for a number of reasons: to see life through another’s eyes, to get to know how other people think, to develop empathy, to experience other cultures, to stimulate thinking, to learn discernment, gain information, to broaden our horizons.

Can we do all that with romances? Sure.

Some of the classics are romances: Romeo and Juliet, Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, all of Jane Austen’s novels.

But the best romances have something going on besides falling in love. One or both characters will need to grow or overcome something. In Pride and Prejudice, for example, the two main characters need to get past their titular characteristics before they can come together. In Sense and Sensibility, one sister needs to learn the value of restraint and appreciating more about a potential husband than good looks, charm, and excitement. All of Austen’s romances involve a whole lot more than just the love story. They are commentary on the times and culture in the setting as well.

The same things can happen in a modern romance.

So how can romances be wrong?

When they produce longings that can’t be fulfilled now. If you’re struggling with being single, a romance might encourage you that God could do the same for you. Or it might discourage you because He hasn’t done so yet. If you’re in a long engagement before you can be married, you’ll have discern whether reading romances makes waiting harder for you.

When they focus too much on the physical. I avoid most modern secular fiction, especially romances, for this reason. I only pick one up after carefully researching reviews or receiving a good report from a trusted friend. But even Christian romances can go too far here. And even if a romance avoids bedroom scenes, there can be an overemphasis on her seeing his bulging muscles under his shirt, wondering what it would be like to kiss him, feeling an electric jolt when they accidentally touch. Do such things happen when people are becoming attracted to each other? Sure. But in real life or fiction, the physical shouldn’t be the main thing.

When they make you discontent with everyday life. Lisa-Jo Baker shared in The Middle Matters that a teenager quoted in the Huffington Post felt her love life would never be adequate “until someone runs through an airport to stop me from getting on a flight.” The girl probably saw that in a movie somewhere. Her romantic life is going to be difficult if she sets up a test scenario in an airport every time she thinks she’s in love. Real love is usually shown in everyday ways more than the grand gesture.

When you long for a perfect “Mr Right.” There is no perfect Mr. or Mrs. Right. The best writers write flawed, realistic characters. But sometimes a character can seem so exquisitely attractive that no one in real life could measure up. If you find yourself looking down on your husband (or potential husband, if you’re not yet married) because he falls short of a fictional hero, it might be time to lay aside the book.

I sometimes see romance writers talking about writing swoon-worthy characters, especially male characters. A character having admirable qualities is one thing. But I don’t want to swoon for anyone other than my husband.

Personally, romances aren’t my favorite genre. I read some. But I don’t want the story to stop with a wedding and a promise of happily ever after. To me, the wedding is a beginning, not an ending. I prefer women’s fiction or historical fiction, where there is more going on than an initial romance, though there may be romance in the story.

But thankfully, there are romances that are good stories, where the characters grow and learn, where we learn about the culture or setting of the book, where we can connect with human growth and experience.

“It is only a novel… or, in short, only some work in which the greatest powers of the mind are displayed, in which the most thorough knowledge of human nature, the happiest delineation of its varieties, the liveliest effusions of wit and humour, are conveyed to the world in the best-chosen language” ― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

The Power of God’s Word

Posted on by

When I was in college, the “Iron Curtain” separated the extended Soviet Union from the rest of the world. One campus group I participated in prayed regularly for Christians who had been arrested for their faith in eastern European countries under the rule of communism. Georgi Vins was one of the prisoners we prayed for, and it was a thrill when he was released.

One occasional guest speaker in chapel was an evangelist who made clandestine trips into the Soviet Union to encourage the Christians there. He may have smuggled Bibles and Christian literature in—I don’t remember. It’s probably a good thing that I can’t remember his name.

Once he told of a particular couple in one underground church. The wife was a Christian. The husband was not, but went with his wife to church meetings even though he was deathly afraid of being arrested.

The church didn’t have enough Bibles for everyone. It would have been too conspicuous for people to have Bibles in their homes, anyway. So when the church met in the woods, the leaders would tear out pieces of a Bible and hand the scraps to the congregants.

This particular man got a piece of Scripture that read, in part, “The Lord said to Jeremiah . . . ” Frustrated, the man thought, “Jeremiah? Who is this Jeremiah? Who has even heard of him?”

After a while, though, the man was encouraged. “If God can speak to this Jeremiah, who no one has even heard of, then God sees me and can speak to me, too.” This was the first step that led to the man becoming a believer in the one true God.

Such is the power of the Word of God that He can use even an obscure phrase of it to draw someone to Himself.

God’s Word is so powerful, He made everything in the world, except people, just by speaking. Over and over in Genesis 1, God said, “Let there be. . . ,” and there was. “By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible” (Hebrews 11:3).

Jesus “is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power (Hebrews 1:3).

Jesus healed, stilled a storm, cast out demons, and raised the dead all by His words.

Jesus resisted Satan with Scripture (Matthew 4:1-11). Ephesians 6:16-17 says the Word of God is our spiritual sword. As Luther wrote in “A Mighty Fortress Is Our God”:

The prince of darkness grim,
we tremble not for him;
his rage we can endure,
for lo! his doom is sure;
one little word shall fell him.

Jesus is the Living Word. The Holy Spirit breathed out God’s Word through the people He used to give us the written Word in Scripture.

God’s Word is so powerful that people who sought to disprove it, like Lee Strobel and Viggo Olsen, were instead converted by it.

God’s Word is powerful to convict of sin. When Peter preached it, men were “cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, ‘Brothers, what shall we do?'” (Acts 2:37).

“For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God” (1 Corinthians 1:18).

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek” (Romans 1:18).

God’s power, though His Word, enables us to live for Him. “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire” (2 Peter 1:3-4).

God’s Word is so powerful, we can lean the weight of our entire soul upon it. It’s not a magic wand: it doesn’t promise healing or prayers answered just the way we want. But it promises God’s wisdom and grace. When it says we can be saved by trusting Jesus, we can. When it says He will meet our needs, He will.

God’s Word is so powerful, we can use it even when people say they don’t believe it. We shouldn’t club them with it or be obnoxious about sharing it. But as we share with people what God said, He will use His Word to open their eyes and shine His light in their hearts.

Don’t be afraid to rely on and share God’s Word. He promises it “shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it” (Isaiah 55:11). “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

Grace When Others Fail Us

Posted on by
Grace when others fail us

As I puttered around the kitchen, the radio preacher shared a hypothetical story.

In the context of teaching women to love their husbands from Titus 2, the speaker told of a man whose main conversations with his wife at home centered on her telling him what needed to be done around the house. Then when the man went to his workplace, his pretty young secretary built up his ego by pointing out how well he did his job, how capable he was, etc. Since the husband felt starved for attention and affirmation, he was ripe for at least an emotional and perhaps even a physical affair with his secretary—and it was all his wife’s fault.

Now, a sermon illustration by its nature is sometimes oversimplified. But this one stirred a few thoughts.

First of all, should women be careful how they speak to their husbands? Of course. When Jesus said to love our neighbors as ourselves, our family members are our first neighbors. All the Bible says about speech being kind, gracious, and edifying needs to be applied at home before anywhere else. Sometimes we’re on our guard when we speak to others outside the home, but get careless within our own walls.

When the honeymoon is over and life gets busy, it’s easy to fall into utilitarian conversation and forget to talk just to enjoy each other. We need to remember to thank each other for the things that are done and not take each other for granted.

We need to treat our husbands respectfully (Ephesians 5:33). I cringe when I hear women talk to their husbands like children or give them a dressing down or ridicule or belittle them.

So yes, I agree, how we speak to our husbands is a big factor in how we show love to them. And building them up at home will help them be less susceptible to the flattery of others.

However . . .

A husband is not justified in seeking attention elsewhere if he feels he’s not getting enough at home.

When we stand before God some day to give an account of our lives, we’re not going to be able to point to anyone else and blame them for our sins.

God provides a way out of temptation. “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).

God’s grace is sufficient for whatever He requires of us. “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” (2 Corinthians 9:8).

God has given us everything we need to live godly lives. “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire” (2 Peter 1:3-4).

The Bible warns us about flattery, particularly the dangers to men of a flattering woman.

“Wisdom will save you also from the adulterous woman, from the wayward woman with her seductive words” (Proverbs 2:16, NIV. Other translations say “smooth” words or “flattering” words).

“With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life.”

“And now, O sons, listen to me, and be attentive to the words of my mouth. Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths, for many a victim has she laid low, and all her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is the way to Sheol, going down to the chambers of death” (Proverbs 7:21-27).

“For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil,
but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword” (Proverbs 5:3-4).

If one of my kids or grandkids or any other young person under my influence came to me with the situation in the sermon illustration and asked what to do, I’d advise two things.

First, at a relaxed time, talk to your spouse. Don’t accuse or act defensive, but just honestly state you’re feeling more like a handyman than a husband (or, if the situation is reversed, feeling more like a maid than a wife). Perhaps say, “I don’t know if you realize it, but all of our conversation lately is about stuff that needs to be done. I’d like to talk about more.”

Second, take the initiative. Talk to her as you want her to talk to you. Ask how her day was. Ask what she thinks about something in the news. Find out her “love language” and express it to her. Let her know you care about her beyond what she does for the home and family. In fact, this could possibly be the first or only step.

All of these principles—the fact that we’re responsible for our own reactions and can’t blame anyone else for our sin, that God provides a way out of temptation, that He gives grace to do right, that we need to guard against being led astray by flattery, that we can look for ways to rectify the problem rather than responding negatively—are true for men and women in multitudes of situations.

If we’re feeling unappreciated or uncared for, the first thing to do is go to God and ask Him what to do and how to respond. Even our dearest earthly loves will fail us sometimes. But He never will.

2 Corinthians 9:8 God's grace

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

Tips for Getting Out of a Devotional Rut

Posted on by
Tips for getting out of a devotional rut

Do you ever chafe at the routine things you have to do?

Some days I am irked at having to take a shower. I know, I know, people didn’t always bathe every day, and I don’t have to. But if I don’t, I won’t be able to stand myself before the day is over.

Then we unload and reload the same dishes in the dishwasher, wash the same clothes, buy the same groceries only to have them disappear.

Sometimes that sense of sameness can creep into my time with the Lord as well. I’ve mentioned before that I like to start with what we call “the Lord’s prayer” and expand my prayer time from there. But when I see those same words every day, it’s easy to run through them without even thinking.

We know reading God’s Word and talking with Him in prayer are precious privileges. What can we do when they seem just part of the day’s routine?

Here are some ideas:

Pray. Ask God to help you treasure time with Him and give you wisdom to keep it fresh.

Change the order of what you do. If you normally pray and then read, reverse the order. Or pray as you read, letting the Scripture prompt your prayers.

Change your time or location. If you normally have your quiet time in a comfy living room chair, try the kitchen table or the patio or the park.

Listen to the passage instead of reading or while reading. Some Bible apps have the ability to hear the passage read.

Go back to basics. Journals, markers, commentaries, etc., can all aid in Bible study. But sometimes we get more caught up in the aids than the Word itself. Just pick up the Bible sometimes and ask God to speak to you through it rather than looking at your time with God as a homework assignment to get through.

Use a study Bible or commentary. I don’t mean to contradict what I just said. But if you are used to just reading through a passage, then a study Bible can shed new light or bring in insights with background information or connection to other passages.

Use a different aid. If you use the same aids all the time, ask a trusted friend for recommendations of others.

Vary how much you read. If you usually read a chapter or two a day, try slowing down and digging all you can out of a few verses. Or, if you like to go slowly, try reading through a whole chapter or book. We benefit from both the larger overview reading and camping out in one place for a time.

Start with a hymn or psalm. Some people like to sing during their devotional time. But even just reading through the words of a hymn can spur our hearts to worship. And the psalms remind us God is interested in our hearts.

Read from a different translation. I see things I didn’t notice before when I read from a translation I am not used to. Or a familiar verse won’t sound familiar and I’ll question, “Is that what it really says,” prompting further study.

Have a Bible reading project. Some years ago, I heard someone say that Jesus never claimed to be God. I knew that wasn’t true, but I also knew He didn’t stand on a mountaintop and proclaim His identity to the world in a public way. So as I read through the gospels, I put a “C” by every verse where Jesus claimed something about Himself. That was such a rich study. It woke me up in my reading since I was looking for particular things. You could also go through the gospels and put a “P” by every verse which fulfills a prophecy from the Old Testament. Someday I’d like to note every verse which speaks about creation and what we learn from it.

Take a break from the book you are in. I like to read through a book of the Bible rather than hopping around at random. You get the context of the overall message that way and see how the individual points fit together. But some books, like Leviticus and Chronicles, can be a little dry. Take a break one day and read a few psalms or a short epistle like Philippians.

Build in a free day. The church we attended the last few years had a Bible reading plan that spanned five days of the week. We discussed the week’s reading on Sunday. Saturday was a catch-up day. Since I didn’t usually need to catch up, and I didn’t want to get ahead of where we were reading as a group, I used Saturdays to work through a different Bible study book or Christian nonfiction book. I benefit more from those kinds of books when I set aside time to dig in; I can’t just pick them up at random and read a few paragraphs like I can other books (at least I can’t get as much out of them that way). I’ve come to treasure my different routine on Saturdays. I read from Daily Light on the Daily Path every day, so I am getting something directly from God’s Word even if I don’t read a whole chapter.

Remind yourself of the benefits. It helps to get through routine tasks when I remind myself of their benefits. On occasional days I don’t make my bed, I am reminded that the room does look more neat when the largest item in it is neat. When the room is neat, I feel less cluttered mentally. I remind myself to be thankful that I can take a shower easily: in some eras and cultures, that wasn’t always possible. Though going to the grocery store is tiring, we’re blessed to have food readily available.

There are almost innumerable benefits to reading the Bible and praying. God’s Word sheds light, gives wisdom, peace, comfort, teaches us who and how great God is, and so much more.

Read and pray anyway, even if you don’t particularly feel like doing so. The worst thing we can do on those days is avoid the Bible and prayer or just give them short shrift. God’s Word revives us, so if we avoid it, we’re avoiding the very means God can use to enliven our hearts and renew our love for His Word. “Unless thy law had been my delights, I should then have perished in mine affliction. I will never forget thy precepts: for with them thou hast quickened me” (Psalm 119:92-93, KJV). One of our former pastors said that one of his best times of prayer happened when he had to start out confessing that he didn’t feel like praying.

Every meal is not a Thanksgiving feast, but every meal nourishes us. In the same way, some times with the Lord in His Word will be special and deeply meaningful. Other times may not feel that way, but they still nourish our souls and help us grow spiritually.

What have you found to help when your devotional time is in a rut?

Your testimonies are my delight and counselors. Psalm 119:24

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

God’s Correction Is a Blessing

Posted on by
God's Correction is a blessing.

I recently saw a meme which said that our relationship with God is not about Him pointing out our sin, but about exchanging our hearts with Jesus.

I had to think about that a while.

I’m not sure what the writer meant by exchanging hearts with Jesus. Maybe she was alluding to Ezekiel 36:26, where God says He will remove our heart of stone and give us a heart of flesh.

But what particularly struck me was the downplaying, even the rejection, of the need for God to point out our sin. The thought reminded me of a song that was popular when I was a kid. The singer prays at night during a lonely time. She doesn’t want God to correct, challenge, or chasten her. She just wants Him to listen.

Our relationship with God is more than dealing with sin, of course. But dealing with sin is certainly part of it. Even the allusion to needing a new heart is an indication that all is not right with ours.

No one enjoys having their wrongdoings pointed out. Yet God pointing out our sin is not a negative aspect of our relationship with Him. It’s a blessing. It’s sin that comes between us, hinders our prayers, and clouds our fellowship. When God convicts us of sin, it’s a sign of His love and an opportunity to confess to Him and be forgiven. Proverbs 28:13 says, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.”

We might think of it a little like this. Suppose a young boy who is old enough to know better kicks a ball around in the house and breaks a window, hits his little sister, skips school, and is found smoking with his friends—and then asks his parents for the latest video game. Most parents would say, “We have some other things to talk about first.”

The parents correct the child not just because he’s not living up to their standards or embarrassing them in front of the neighbors, but for his own good. A child who is never corrected by his parents will never learn to say no to himself or rein himself in. He’ll most likely have trouble in school, in his job, and in relationships because he’s never been taught to do anything but have his own way.

We don’t like to be shown that we’re doing something wrong. Everyone having their own “truth” these days makes it even harder to pin down an authoritative right and wrong.

But what about when we are wrong?

If you’re going the wrong direction, wouldn’t you want someone to tell you before you go too far out of your way?

If you are training to be an accountant, wouldn’t you want to work out the mistakes in your calculations so you don’t cost yourself or your client great sums of money?

If you’re a brain surgeon, wouldn’t you want the best training and practice so you’re not a hazard to your patients?

Correction is a fact of everyday life. We’re in a constant state of growth. Learning better ways to do things and treat people involves examining our thoughts, motives, speech, and actions, ferreting out what’s bad, and learning improved ways to think, feel, speak, and act.

The need for correction is even more vital spiritually.

Sin is what originally separates us from God. Isaiah 59:2: “Your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear.”

Jesus died on the cross to take care of our sin. 1 John 3:5: “You know that he appeared in order to take away sins, and in him there is no sin.” Galatians 2:21b: “If righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose.”

Well, you might say, I am a believer. The Bible says “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). So I don’t have to worry about sin any more.

No, that’s not true. I John 1:6-10 says—to Christians—

 If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

Our sins are forgiven and we’re not under condemnation. But we still have an old nature. After we’re saved, we fight against sin because we have a new nature that wants to please our Father. As we grow in Him, He convicts us of things that are wrong so we might confess them and put them aside. Sin doesn’t sever our relationship, but it does affect it.

Usually after several years of being a Christian, we’ll be convicted about things we never thought of when we were first saved. That’s a blessing: if God dealt with everything in our lives at once, we’d be overwhelmed. As parents, the things we deal with our children at age fifteen will be different, and likely more advanced, than what we dealt with at age five.

Being convicted of our sin does more than prompt us to confess and forsake the sin. It also humbles us and reminds us how much we need to be in God’s Word and to rely on Him for our daily walk.

A. W. Tozer said, “We must allow the Word of God to correct us the same way we allow it to encourage us.” “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work’ (2 Timothy 3:16-17). Multitudes of verses in proverbs tell us that wise people receive corrections, but fools don’t listen.

Like the psalmist, we need to regularly invite God to “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24). “Examine me, O LORD, and prove me; Try my mind and my heart” (Psalm 26:2). Paul tells us to examine ourselves before taking communion.

God “disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:10b-11).

We don’t approach a stern judge who is ready to bang his gavel. We come to one who sympathizes with us in grace. “Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:14-16).

So don’t search the Bible or pray only for assurance and affirmation. Let God’s Word and Spirit do their sanctifying work of searching you and correcting you. The process may not be pleasant, but His cleansing ultimately brings great peace and joy.

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

Tips for Finding a New Church Home

Posted on by

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about ways churches could help visitors to find out more about their church. I thought it only fair to look at the other side of the coin: how can new visitors to a church help their visit to go well?

We have many options to watch churches online. But we miss so much if we just observe from afar rather than taking the time to participate with others of like faith. Yes, all Christians belong to the church as a whole. But it’s in our individual congregations where we serve, learn, grow, build each other up, practice the “one anothers” in the Bible.

It’s disconcerting to look for a new church home. On one hand, we don’t want to flounder around for long. On the other, we want to take time to make the best decision. Meanwhile, we feel adrift until we find the place where we feel we belong and can serve.

These are some factors that have helped us when visiting churches.

1. Pray for God’s wisdom and direction, not just before your search, but all during it.

2. Decide what’s most important to you. Obviously, you want to find a church that preaches truth from the Bible. But as I mentioned in the previous post, it’s possible in cities like ours to find hundreds of churches with the same statement of faith, the same core beliefs that we ascribe to. So sometimes we end up weighing secondary issues, like:

Traditional vs. contemporary style of service and music
“King James Only” or other Bible versions
Casual or formal
Expositional or topical preaching
Continuationist or cessationist (referring to certain gifts of the Holy Spirit)
Reformed or not
Age-segregated or family-integrated
Songleader and choir or worship team
Premillennial, post-millennial, amillennial (referring to “end times”)

We can acknowledge that no one’s salvation is dependent on their views of these secondary issues, and Christians have freedom of conscience in some of these areas to choose what they think best. But if you feel strongly one way, you’re going to be uncomfortable in a church that practices another way.

And then there are issues like programs for the various family members, preferences for a large or small church, etc. But I would encourage folks not to be too rigid about programs and church size. We were hesitant about our last church because it had fewer than 25 people, and we didn’t want to be in a church that small. But we loved the church and the people, and it had a real family feeling to it. There are advantages to large and small churches–neither is right or wrong. If you’ve been used to one, maybe give the other a try. And personally, I am less interested in programs than I used to be.

3. Research. Asking people you know for church recommendations is often a good place to start. But it’s vital to research churches on your own as well.

Thankfully, these days most churches have at least basic websites where you can find a statement of faith. Most church sites will tell you a little more about themselves (though, after you’ve looked at several, they all begin to sound alike. One of my pleas in the previous post was for church websites to tell what’s distinctive about the church as much as possible). Many church web sites will have audio or video recording from previous services, which helps you know what the worship and preaching styles of the church are. We also like to look at information about the pastoral staff. Where a pastor has gone to school or what organizations he has served with will shed light on where he is coming from.

Many churches have a Facebook page. Some will have more information there than on their web site.

Sometimes we’ve looked up the pastor’s Facebook profile if we don’t find much information on the church’s website or Facebook page.

Doing as much research as possible ahead of time will help you narrow down your church choices and hopefully avoid unpleasant surprises.

4. Arrive early for your first visit. We try to leave early for our first time at a church for several reasons: we don’t know what traffic will be like; we like to find out where to go and where bathrooms are; we want to allow time to chat if people stop to introduce themselves.

5. Be friendly. Many church members fail in greeting first-time visitors. But we can make it easier by being approachable, friendly, open-faced, even introducing ourselves first. If we scowl or avoid eye contact or arrive late and leave as soon as possible, we’re not giving people a chance to welcome us.

6. Go to a smaller service. Usually we just go to the main service for our first visit to a church. If all goes well, then we’ll go to Sunday School or a midweek prayer meeting. Those meetings are often where people are more open and friendly—I don’t know if it’s because the group is smaller, or they regard visitors to those services as less likely to be just passing through.

7. Go more than once. Unless something glaring comes up in our first visit, we go to a church we are considering at least twice, and usually much more often.

8. Don’t judge; give grace. At the church we belonged to when we were first married, we had a visitor once who griped about several things. While we were glad to have problems pointed out so we could correct them, it was dismaying that this man had so many complaints, and that he voiced them his first time there.

Sometimes things might be a little off during your visit—that’s one reason we try to go more than once. Sometimes the sound system will have problems one morning or someone will flub the announcements or misspeak. There might be dust and debris on the bathroom floors; maybe a cleaning crew member was sick or missed their rotation. Any number of things can go wrong–or at least not as well as hoped.

9. Jot down questions as they arise. We don’t usually fill out a visitor’s card. If we visit a couple of times and decide to move on, we don’t want to keep receiving letters or phone calls from a church.

But if we attend over several weeks, questions might come up about the pastor’s or church’s stand on particular issues. Sometimes we ask about those when chatting with the pastor after a service. Sometimes my husband will call the pastor during the week. Usually if we’re seriously considering membership, we’ll meet with the pastor or invite him and his family for dinner. We’ve found most pastors to be very open to questions.

10. There is no perfect church. A church is made up of imperfect people, so of course it’s not going to be perfect. We know that on one level, yet it’s easy to go from church to church without finding one that’s “just right.” With so many churches close by, it’s easy to think the ideal one with all the features we want might be the next one. And if family members disagree about what features they want, the decision is even harder.

The church my husband grew up in was the only Baptist church in an area dominated by a different sect. The church members just had to learn to get along and set aside their differences, because there was nowhere else to go. That’s not a bad scenario.

Lastly, don’t be like Mr. Bean. 🙂 I don’t know how everyone around him kept a straight face.

You want to look for a place where you can serve, not just a place where you can receive benefit. But for us, looking for specific ways to serve (beyond greeting, praying for people, showing kindness, pitching in, etc.) comes later as we see the needs and see where we best fit.

Eventually, God will lead us to the local church we can call home and settle into.

What has helped you as you have looked for a new church home?

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

Love Does Not Eliminate Hard Things

Posted on by

Imagine your best family friend and mentor was a skilled physician. If someone in your family got seriously ill, your doctor friend would be the first person you’d call. And though your friend had other responsibilities, you’d expect him to come as soon as he could.

Mary and Martha must have felt that way when Lazarus was sick. Jesus was not a doctor, but He was a healer. He was their friend. They knew He was the Messiah, though they didn’t understand fully how His role would work itself out. But they had every reason to expect that Jesus would come to them right away.

But He didn’t.

“Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was” (John 11:5-6).

Knowing that Lazarus was ill, and the family wanted Him to come, Jesus delayed. He didn’t wait an hour or a day. He waited two days.

What struck me in my recent reading of this familiar passage was the little word “so.” The passage doesn’t say, “Jesus loved them, but he stayed.”

It doesn’t say, “In spite of the fact that Jesus loved them, He delayed.”

Instead, “He loved them. So He waited.”

He waited because he loved them.

If you’re not familiar with the story, Lazarus dies before Jesus comes. By the time Jesus arrives, Lazarus has been in the tomb four days. Mary and Martha are crushed and greet Jesus with, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

But the story doesn’t end there. Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead.

Why didn’t He come before Lazarus died and save everyone the heartache by healing him?

Jesus told the disciples, “Lazarus has died, and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe.”

Jesus told Martha, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?“

Just before He raised Lazarus, He prayed, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.”

He wanted them to know who He was and believe in Him. The disciples and Mary and Martha knew, but He wanted to manifest Himself to them in deeper ways. The crowd was a mixture of people, many of whom did not know Him yet.

Jesus had healed a girl not long after she died and a young man at his funeral. But someone could have said, “Maybe they weren’t really dead in the first place. Maybe He just revived them.”

But Lazarus had been buried for four days. When Jesus told men to roll away the stone in front of the tomb, Martha objected because of the odor that would arise from his corpse. There’s no question that Lazarus was actually dead.

Jesus could have performed a miracle to heal Lazarus beforehand. But He performed a greater miracle by raising him from the dead, that His friends might be strengthened in their faith and that others might believe.

Jesus’ raising of Lazarus was a precursor not only of Jesus’ future resurrection, but of that of all believers. How many people through the ages have been comforted by what Jesus told Martha: “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.”

Jesus showed His love in other ways as well.

He came to Mary and Martha though His life was in danger. When Jesus told the disciples He was going to Judea, they reminded Him the Jews there wanted to stone Him. When He insisted, Thomas was so sure of danger that he said, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”

Jesus was “deeply moved” and wept, even though He was about to raise Lazarus. “He had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God” (Hebrews 2:17).

We often want to remove all the hard places from the lives of those we love. As parents especially, we want to make things as easy as possible for our children. And that’s not a wrong desire. But it’s often through the hard things that we grow in our faith and in our character. “Suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” (Romans 5:3-5). That doesn’t mean we go too far the opposite direction and heap hard things on them. We need God’s wisdom and balance.

God doesn’t take away all the hard parts of life. He uses them to deepen our knowledge of Himself, strengthen our faith, to mature us, to comfort us that we may comfort others.

“Though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not afflict from his heart or grieve the children of men” (Lamentations 3:32-33).

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

To Be a Clod

Posted on by

Amy Carmichael was one of Elisabeth Elliot’s heroes, and both women are heroes of mine.

Recently a newsletter from the Elisabeth Elliot Foundation closed with this poem by Amy Carmichael, which Elisabeth had quoted in one of her radio broadcasts:

From prayer that asks that I may be
Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher,
From silken self, O Captain, free
Thy soldier who would follow Thee.

From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
Not thus are spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified;
From all that dims Thy Calvary,
O Lamb of God, deliver me.

Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay,
The hope no disappointments tire,
The passion that will burn like fire;
Let me not sink to be a clod;
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.

—Amy Carmichael

 I first read this poem as a young adult. I may have been in college or a newlywed when I first read Amy Carmichael of Dohnavur by Frank Houghton. I couldn’t help but be inspired by Amy’s fervor, courage, and determination to follow God wherever He led her. She became a missionary to India. It might be more correct to say she made India her home for the rest of her life.

There’s something about youth that is inherently passionate. Most young people have a burning desire to make their lives count, to make a difference, to further a cause bigger than themselves.

But after several decades, we tend to get more settled, don’t we?

Being settled isn’t always a bad thing. Though I continue to learn and grow, I am more settled in my convictions, less like “children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes” (Ephesians 4:14).

I’m more settled in my self-image. I’ve never been super-model material, but I am okay with that now.

I’m more settled in my marriage. After forty-three years, my husband and I know each other pretty well. We’ve worked out our differences and learned to complement (and compliment) each other. We still find plenty to talk about.

But I hope I never become settled in the sense of complacency in my faith and walk with God, to let “easy choices” of “silken self” give way to the “subtle love of softening things.” We can be more inclined to do so as our physical capacity begins to decline.

I’ve often wondered at Amy’s use of the word “clod” in the next-to-last line. After the beautiful phrasing in the rest of the poem, “clod” seems like a jolt, like stubbing your toe on a rock. I would guess Amy probably did that on purpose.

A quick look in the dictionary shows that a clod is a lump, usually of dirt or clay. But it’s also a term used for an oaf or dolt. Amy may have meant the word in the latter sense. But I like to think of it as a lump, especially since she spoke of sinking to be a clod.

I’m not a soil specialist; I am not even a gardener. But when I think of a clod, it seems like it has three possibilities for its future.

First, it could erode. Wind and rain could chip off tiny bits of it until nothing is left.

It could get harder due to the sun beating down on it while it just sits there.

Or it could be tilled, broken up into useful soil again.

The last thought brings to mind Hosea 10:12: “Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap steadfast love; break up your fallow ground, for it is the time to seek the LORD, that he may come and rain righteousness upon you.”

The ways God has used me have changed over the years with age, health issues, life circumstances. I can’t (and don’t even desire to) do things I once did.

But that was true of Amy, too. After a fall, she became an invalid for the last twenty years of her life. How she ministered to others changed. But she still followed hard after God in her heart, met with people as she was able, wrote books, sent notes of encouragement to her coworkers and inhabitants of the orphanage and hospital on the Dohnavur complex.

Of course, age and declining abilities are not the only contributors to cloddishness. It’s easy at any age to settle into a cozy lump of inertia.

May God give us hearts soft and pliable to His leading and will rather than soft to comfort and pleasures.

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)

How Churches Can Help Visitors

Posted on by

In our four decades of marriage, we’ve been a member of six different churches and visited several others. Most of the time, a change in church has been made necessary due to my husband’s job sending us to a new state. A couple of times, we left for other reasons, but we don’t take leaving a church lightly. We like to find a church home and stay there as long as possible.

It’s amazing how intimidating it is to visit a new church, even for seasoned church attenders. I’m not sure why. We don’t expect anyone to throw stones or tomatoes or snub us. Though church styles vary, we have an idea what to expect. If it’s so unnerving for us to visit a new church, unchurched people are probably even more uncomfortable.

We’re currently searching for a new church home. I wanted to share just a few “stray thoughts” about our church visiting experiences while they are fresh in my mind.

First of all, I feel a church website is absolutely essential. In our case, we attend Baptist churches. If you search online for Baptist churches in Knoxville, you’ll find multiple pages of listings. I found one directory listing 25, but there are more. They all have basically the same statement of faith, so we’d agree on the most important core beliefs, like Jesus being the Son of God, salvation by grace through faith, the inspiration of the Bible, etc.

But churches with the same doctrinal base can vary greatly in personality and in secondary issues, like the following:

Traditional vs. contemporary style of service and music
“King James Only” or other Bible versions
Casual or formal
Continuationist or cessationist (referring to certain gifts of the Holy Spirit)
Reformed or not
Age-segregated or family-integrated
Songleader and choir vs. worship team
Premillennial, post-millennial, amillennial (referring to “end times”)

No one’s salvation is going to be in question on either side of these secondary issues. And there are some categories that we would be fine with on either side, though we might have a preference for one or the other. But others we feel more strongly about. We can grant that other believers have freedom of conscience to do something differently than we would, but we would have a hard time worshiping in a place where we disagreed with a lot.

So if we were to try to visit each of the list of 25 churches just once, that would take us 25 weeks—almost half a year. Normally we like to visit more than once, unless there’s something glaringly obvious during the first visit that would make us shy away. So we could spend more than a year visiting around. We’d like to find a church home in much less time.

It’s pretty standard now to look up a church’s web site before visiting. It’s helpful if the church’s site can tell us as much about the church as possible.

One church’s site said something like, “We don’t like labels. We just like to talk about Jesus.”

My husband’s father worked in a grocery store. He was allowed to bring home canned goods that had lost their labels, because customers would not buy them. If my mother-in-law was looking for tomato sauce, she might open cans of peaches, green beans, or SpaghettiOs before finding what she needed.

So labels do help. We would assume most Christian churches like to talk about Jesus. Anything they can share about the distinctives of their church will help visitors know if they want to investigate further or not. As my husband said, they might as well tell us what they are, because we’re going to find out eventually anyway. Some people are going to be looking for certain particulars while others are trying to avoid them. It saves everyone time if some of these things are spelled out up front.

Besides the statement of faith on a church website, we like to see times of services, some information about the pastor(s), a place to access past sermons or full church services (audio or video), information about the various ministries of the church. Some church sites have a “What to expect” or “How to prepare for your visit” page that might include style of dress (though most of them say anything is fine within reason), which door to go to, etc.

If a church has a Facebook page, it helps if the page contains more than just location and times of services. Many churches will put their services on Facebook, which helps. Some will put announcements or reminders. Some will have photos from recent events. All of that helps give potential visitors a feel for the church. Some churches will have a public Facebook page for potential visitors and a separate private page for members where they can share prayer requests or information that is not for the general public.

Then, once people do actually come to your church, appropriate signage is helpful, especially if you have multiple buildings or doors. Barring signs—or maybe in addition to signs—it’s nice to have someone available to answer questions about where the nursery, bathrooms, etc., are.

When we’ve been members, greeting new people has been one of the hardest things to do. But it’s essential. Once I get started, I am usually fine.

I could tell you multiple stories of odd greeting situations in churches, but that would take too long. I’ll share just one. In one church, no one spoke to us or even looked at us until their designated hand-shaking time (what my daughter-in-law calls “howdy time”). And then it was like some weird science fiction show where everyone came alive and became friendly while the music played. Then when the music stopped, everyone closed up again, not looking at or talking with us any more.

Some churches have a designated greeter at the door. Though that’s nice, those people shouldn’t be the only ones greeting newcomers.

On the other extreme, I read of a church that stationed an official greeter every 25 feet. That’s going too far the other way, unless you have a humongous church building.

It’s best just to sincerely and warmly say hello to people you don’t recognize, maybe “We’re so glad to have you.” If there is time, you could ask whether they just moved to the area, where they moved from, etc.

In our most recent visits, almost every church has had an older lady who has greeted us in just such a way, going beyond the perfunctory and obligatory greeting. They’ve been so genuinely interested and kind that I have felt, “If we stay here, she’s one I want to get to know.” I wanted to say that to encourage older people in general that, even though you may not be able to do all you once did, this seemingly minor act carries great weight.

Most visitors do not want to be made a spectacle or have attention drawn to themselves. Some churches will have new people stand up—one had visitors stay seated while everyone else stood for the hand-shaking time. Both scenarios are uncomfortable.

Some churches have had gift bags for visitors. I appreciate the thought, but gifts are not really necessary. One church had plastic cups that had the church’s name on the side. Because this church was a little aggressive about handing out gift bags, we ended up with six of those—that none of us wanted. They tried to give us more the next week, and we had to gently but firmly say no, thank you. Another had mugs with the church name, but also filled them with candy. A lot of churches will have pens with their name on the side that they hand out along with visitor’s cards to full out. The pens are a nice small reminder of the church. The one gift bag I most appreciated was from a particularly large church and had brochures about their various church ministries–what they did, when and where they met, who to contact for more information. And they had a few miniature candy bars, a plus. 🙂

Then during the church service, it helps to have what is expected made very clear–when to stand, join in the singing, etc. No one wants to stand out by doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. One church we visited was the first I’d attended with a worship team on stage. They had a choir as well. Sometimes everyone on stage was singing, sometimes just the small team in front. But no one told the congregation when it was their turn. I tried to figure out when I was supposed to sing by watching what others in the congregation did, but some sang and some didn’t. So I still didn’t know what to do. I ended up singing along very softly so I wouldn’t be noticed either way.

Sometimes you are as friendly as you know how to be in church, you’ve extended yourself, you’ve bent over backwards to meet everyone’s needs and wants, the singing has been great, the message has been biblically based and Spirit-filled–and visitors still don’t return. Have all your efforts been for naught? Have you failed?

No. You’ve ministered to people as unto the Lord. That “counts,” whether they become part of your church or not. Sometimes when we have chosen one church over another, it hasn’t been because of anything wrong with the one we didn’t choose. Sometimes there’s something indefinable about why we feel inclined more toward one church. But we appreciate the ways people have ministered to us when we’ve visited, and we hope to extend the same grace when we find a church home.

What are your thoughts? Are there other ways to make church visitors feel welcome—or at least less intimidated?

(I often link up with some of these bloggers.)