The Bible tells us older folks to mentor, teach, and be an example to younger people.Though I’ve never had a formal mentoring relationship with an older woman, I have been blessed by the testimony, example, and encouragement from women just ahead of my own life situation. Sometimes a passing remark from one of them has stayed with me for days, even years.
Now being in the “older” category myself, I understand concerns about trends in our world today.
It’s good for older people to share from their experience or express their opinions. But how we share our concerns is as important as what we share.
I’ve winced at memes on social media from older people extolling the ways life was superior “back in our day.” But I wonder if we realize how that sentiment comes across. Some might be meant as a joke, but many have a bite to them.
I think those kinds of posts either make people roll their eyes or get defensive. These memes can come across as condescending or finger-wagging, causing unnecessary offense.
Before we post such memes, here are some things that might be good to consider:
We did many things differently from our parents’ generation, didn’t we? So why would we be surprised when the next generation does as well?
Our view of “our day” may not even be correct. We tend to wax nostalgic, reframing the good and forgetting the bad.
We need to remember the struggles we had as younger women–the feeling that we’re failing at motherhood, at life in general, that we’ll never catch up or measure up.
Sometimes the issues some like to gripe about reflect cultural changes that aren’t good or bad in themselves.
For one example, a particular meme said something catchy (though I have forgotten how it was worded) about how we survived without taking water bottles or to-go coffee cups with us everywhere.
My first thought was, “So . . . what’s so bad about that?” So people like to bring their drink of choice with them. Is that a character flaw?
Another meme (or maybe the same one) went on to decry the bringing of our beverages into church. However, some people may think it makes for a more hospitable atmosphere to bring beverages. Many churches have coffee brewing and offer to-go cups from before Sunday school until after the morning service. Some of us who have physical problems like postnasal drip, with its frequent throat-clearing, or dry mouth, call less attention to ourselves and distraction for others by being able to take a sip rather than having to go out to the water fountain during a service.
I’ve known people adamantly opposed to bringing food or beverages into the sanctuary. But this is a cultural rather than a biblical issue. Churches didn’t have sanctuaries in Bible times. They met in homes, where there well might have been something to drink. There’s nothing sinful about carrying beverages with us, even bringing them into church.
It’s true we might not understand some of the practices of younger folks. And our practices might even actually be better. I’ve seen memes about phone usage and discipline that I actually agreed with. But the sarcastic tone didn’t invite dialogue or conversation.
Instead of ridiculing or talking down to younger women, let’s edify them. Instead of sharing what we think of as our better ways, let’s share from our own failures and faults how the Lord gave us grace and helped us overcome. Let’s encourage them that God loves them and wants them to draw close to Him and seek His help. His grace is always available in times of need. Let’s look for the positive and the well-meaning intentions to praise. Let’s tell them they are doing a good job when they are and pray for them when they need help. Let’s make our speech healthful rather than stabbing.
Isaiah foretold of the Servant of the Lord, Jesus, “The Lord GOD has given me the tongue of those who are taught, that I may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary. Morning by morning he awakens; he awakens my ear to hear as those who are taught” (Isaiah 50:4). May we meet each day with Him, learn of His truth and character, and share with others in humility and love. May our words–and memes–be full of grace.
We depend on our husbands for a lot of things: his work to provide for the family, his leadership, his companionship. He listens, encourages, supports. In many households, the husband takes care of car and home repairs. In some, he does the landscaping and lawn-mowing. And sometimes he helps with groceries, errand-running, laundry, housework, and even our projects.
It’s easy to depend on a husband’s help in myriad ways. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Ephesians 5:25 instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and Jesus certainly helps us.
But sometimes I’m reminded of Genesis 2:18, where God said He made woman a helper fit for or suitable for the man. And I wonder, am I being a help to my husband? And how do I do that?
I’m not much help with working on car or house repairs, except maybe for holding a flashlight or handing a tool. We prioritized my being home, first with the children, then to care for his mother, for most of our marriage, so my financial contribution was more on managing what we had well. Plus, I didn’t have the skill set to provide for us as he did.
I think a wife’s help to her husband will vary from marriage to marriage. 1 Peter 3:7 says husbands are to dwell with their wives “according to knowledge” or “in an understanding way,” depending on the translation. That’s also true of wives in regard to their husbands. We need to understand our own husbands and what he would consider helpful. I knew one woman who had been told that a good wife keeps a spotless home. But then she learned that her husband didn’t really care if the home was super-clean. He’d rather she spent more time with him than cleaning.
However, there are some ways we can each be a suitable helper.
Lovehim. Once a Sunday School teacher of a women’s class I was in came to Titus 2:3-4, which tells older women to teach the younger a number of things, including loving their husbands. The teacher said, “I think that just comes naturally, don’t you?” Then she went on to the next verse. If it came naturally, I don’t think we’d need to be taught it. The love that starts marriage is usually not the kind of love that sustains it. One of my teachers defined biblical love as the “self-sacrificial desire to meet the needs of the cherished person.” Our innate selfishness is going to come out, as is his, and we have to work at putting each other first.
Love God. Though we depend on our husband to provide for us, protect us, keep us from loneliness, and so many other things, we come to the place where we realize he can’t be everything to us. God works through our husbands to do those things, yet our ultimate dependence needs to be on God, not our husbands. And we need to lean on the Lord for strength and grace and wisdom to do our part.
Pray for him. Beyond asking God to bless his day, we can pray for wisdom for him at work and home, for God to help him grow and mature in Him. I often like to pray Colossians 1:9-12, as well as other Scriptures, for my loved ones.
Fellowship. The verse about woman being made a helper is in the context of creation. God had made the animals, then man. Adam named all the animals, but found no one like himself. God said it wasn’t good for man to be alone. He made woman as a helper. So it seems one of the first and best ways to help our husbands is to be with them, to listen to them. It’s easy, with so much to do in life, to just pass each other on the way to other tasks and appointments. We need to prioritize time together.
Providing a safe place. We should be the main ones our husbands can share with or vent to without worrying about being put down or having what he told us in confidence shared with others.
Respect. Yes, respect goes both ways. But Ephesians 5:33 tells wives specifically to respect their husbands.
In one book I read some years ago, a poll among Christian men showed that the majority of them valued respect even more than love (1). We should never ridicule, demean, put down, or scold our husbands. If there’s something we’d like him to do differently, we need to express that in a tone like we’d use with a friend or boss or anyone else we respected.
But what if he’s not acting in a way we can respect? It helps me to turn this question around. The same verse that talks about wives respecting husbands says a husband should love his wife as himself. Do we want our husbands to love us only when we deserve it, when we act lovable? No! We want him to show love even when–maybe especially when–we’re not acting so lovable. He loves us not because of how we act, but out of obedience to God. So we should respect him out of obedience to God. Even if we can’t respect everything he does, we can show respect to him as a person and in his position as our husband.
Manage expectations. Our husbands are not going to be perfect. They’re not always going to be spiritual giants. Elisabeth Elliot wrote that we marry a sinner, because there is no one else to marry. She also said that, instead of harping on the 20% or so that we might disagree with, we need to appreciate the 80% we like.
Colossians 3:12-13 was written to the church to practice in everyday life, which surely includes the home: “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
In addition, we need to be realistic about what he does do. Often I hear wives wish their husbands would do more. In our home, my husband worked 40+ hours a week, did the yard work and taxes, paid the bills, took care of home repairs, and did everything involving the vehicles. Should I then expect him to help me with everything I do as well? He was always willing, if he was able, and I did call on him a lot. But I tried to be conscience of what he was already doing and not overload him.
Submit to him. Yes, Ephesians 5:21 says we’re to submit to one another. But verse 22, as well as Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1, Titus 2:4-5, tells wives to submit to their husbands. This doesn’t mean he lords it over her or that she’s a doormat with no opinions of her own. But if we’re constantly pulling against him or his leadership, we’re hurting more than helping.
Be content. It’s not wrong to want to make improvements or to dream of a bigger home or new furniture or nicer clothes. But those things usually have to be managed over time. We need to wait patiently and not constantly complain.
Respect his work. Hollywood has made several movies about workaholic dads who need to learn that their families are more important than the corporate world. But often those stories are unrealistic. I wonder if men who work at home feel even more pressure to put away work to help at home or go to family activities. Providing for his family is the responsibility of a husband and father (that’s not to say wives can’t work, but usually the bulk falls on the husband).
I had to learn this the hard way when my husband’s job started requiring him to travel. I often wailed to the Lord that this wasn’t what I signed up for. But then it seemed my husband had even more road trips. Even when he wasn’t traveling, he usually worked way over forty hours a week. He wasn’t a workaholic, but he had a strong work ethic and felt the responsibility of making sure the job was done rather than clocking out just because it was 5 p.m.
Inspiration came for me in the form of a novel, A Quiet Strength by Janette Oke, about a young woman’s struggles during the first few years of marriage .Though I had been married for years and the main character was a newlywed, her struggles with being left alone so much while her husband worked on the farm and built their home resonated with me. He saw what he was doing as an expression of love and care for her. But all she could see was her loneliness. In novel style, they had a big blowup, then talked things out, then found small ways to connect to offset the time apart. My husband and I didn’t have a blowup, but I needed to seek contentment, maturity, and God’s strength. This all led to a post titled Coping When Your Husband Is Away, which turned out to be one of my most viewed posts. I had no idea so many women had the same struggle.
Encourage his friendships with other men. Though we’re probably our husbands’ main social outlet, we can’t be the only one. The Bible has much to say about our fellowship with other believers. My husband has always encouraged my friendship with other women, but he has sometimes been reluctant to get together with other men outside of work and church since his job took him away from home so much. But he did enjoy work days and men’s prayer breakfasts. Now that he’s retired, he sometimes gets together for coffee or lunch with other men.
Give him some time to himself. It’s not usually wise to hit him at the door with bad news (unless it’s an emergency) or a litany of all the problems that came up that day. Give him some time to decompress or work on his hobbies. This varies from person to person, but an introvert will be much better with others when he has some time alone.
Be trustworthy. Proverbs 31:1-12 says of the excellent wife, “The heart of her husband trusts in her. . . She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Of course we shouldn’t lie or hide things from our husbands. But sometimes we’re tempted to shade the truth if we feel he’s going to disapprove or be disappointed in something we did. It’s better to be open and honest, even if we need to confess something or apologize.
Ask for what you need, don’t nag. When we need some of the help mentioned in the first paragraph or some time alone, we can ask for it in a kind, cooperative, and patient way. We don’t need to demand or needle or fuss. If there’s a conflict, we can graciously seek to work it out.
Ask him. Books and articles about marriage can be helpful, but no two are alike. We each bring different personalities, gifts, and traditions to the relationship. We each adapt to our own spouse. There may be ways we think we’re helping that aren’t so helpful. Or there may be a way to help that we haven’t thought of.
Does this sound exhausting? God will give strength in our weakness and grace to help in time of need.
_____ (1) For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. I read this years ago and don’t remember if I agreed with everything in it. But this point stood out to me.
Several years ago, our ladies’ group asked some older married women in the church to be on a panel for discussion about marriage at a ladies’ meeting. We didn’t want to put them on the spot: we just figured they had more experience, and we wanted to glean their wisdom.
However, we had the hardest time getting anyone to agree to be on the panel. Some ladies didn’t want to participate because they thought their own marriages were far from perfect. Some felt that they were still learning: rather than answering other women’s questions, they still had plenty of their own.
In hindsight, it probably would have been better not to have particular women on a panel in front of everyone. One advantage to a panel is having known and trusted people there, whereas opening questions to the crowd in general might lead to some questionable answers. But perhaps the disadvantages outweighed the advantages.
Still, the evening ended up going very well (details are here). One even said we needed a session like that once a year.
Many of us would shy away from portrayal as an expert in most areas, especially areas of Christian life. We know we fall short. We don’t want anyone looking to us for answers, because we still struggle ourselves.
But an experienced Christian is not the same as an expert Christian.
When we’re struggling in a given area–marriage, devotions, hospitality, motherhood, work environments, or life in general–we’re not drawn to those who have their act together, whose lives are perfect, who never seem to struggle.
We want to hear from people who have been in the trenches, who know how we feel, who won’t give us pat answers, who have experienced the things we have and overcome them.
“O God,” you pray, “I’m so small and the universe is so big. What can I possibly say? What can I add to this explosion of glory? My mind is slow and unsteady, my heart is twisted and tired, my hands are smudged with sin. I have nothing—nothing—to offer.
Write about that.
“What do you mean?”
Write about your smallness. Write about your sin, your heart, your inability to say anything worth saying. Watch what happens (p. 11, Kindle version).
Though Peterson was praying about song-writing here, the principle is true in any area of life.
We can’t bless others with packaged advice from a position of perfection. Even if we could, our ministrations would probably be rejected as cold and unfeeling.
But God says His power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
One day on a hillside, over 5,000 people came to hear Jesus teach. Jesus had compassion on their physical needs as well as their spiritual needs. He told the disciples, “You give them something to eat.”
Of course, the disciples didn’t have the means to feed so many people. Philip indicated they didn’t have enough money to buy even a little food for everyone. Andrew found a boy with five barley loaves and two fish, but then asked, “what are they for so many?”
Jesus already knew what He was going to do to provide for the people. But He wanted the disciples to realize that they could not meet the need on their own.
Jesus had the people sit down, gave thanks, and then distributed the food to the disciples, who gave it to the people. Not only did they have “as much as they wanted,” but they gathered twelve baskets of leftovers.
We don’t have the wherewithal to feed people spiritually. But when we give ourselves to Him, He can work through us to help others. He will take our not-enoughness and work through us to display His more-than-enoughness.
It’s good to honor mothers. The Bible does. One of the ten commandments tells us to honor our parents. Motherhood has taken a beating by society over the last several years. Moms carry a heavy load, often unseen and unappreciated. They need all the encouragement and support they can get.
But Mother’s Day is profoundly sad for others.
Some grieve the death of their children, or their estranged children or wayward children.
Some have mothers who are still here physically but far away mentally or emotionally, mothers who rarely, if ever, showed love, mothers who abandoned them, mothers who have died. For those who feel abandoned or unloved by parents, may you truly know “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up” (Psalm 27:10).
Some would love to be mothers, yet God has not granted that request. Mother’s Day only adds to their pain. I appreciate Wendy Alsup’s thought that “God uses both the presence and the absence of children in the lives of His daughters as a primary tool of conforming us to Christ.”
Some moms grieve that their families don’t acknowledge this day at all, and they feel more taken for granted than ever. Erin has some good advice for managing expectations.
Some downplay the day. They would rather have their family appreciate them year-round, not just on a certain designated day. And, true, it doesn’t make sense to disrespect someone every other day and then buy them flowers and a card on Mother’s Day. But I always look at special days in the same vein as Thanksgiving. Yes, we’re supposed to be thankful every day, but Thanksgiving reminds us of all we have to be thankful for. Jesus’ resurrection impacts our lives every day, but it receives special focus at Easter. So Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, or someone’s birthday are just opportunities to tell someone you love that you appreciate them.
For many, all the talk of ideal mothers on Mother’s Day makes them feel their failures all the more. They feel like “perfect mother,” or even “good mother,” are titles they can never aspire to. God took our faults and foibles into account when He made us mothers. He knows we’re made of dust. We confess our sins to Him and lean on Him moment by moment for grace and help and strength to mother as He wants us to. “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).
My mother and all of my older mother figures are gone now. I try to honor their memories. I am thankful for so many women who were examples to me and made me a better woman, wife, and mother. I hope I can encourage others as these ladies did me.
For those whose families show their love this day, and for those who have a mother to celebrate today, I wish you joy.
For those who sorrow, I pray for the peace that passes understanding. May His merciful kindness be for your comfort, according to His word unto you (Psalm 119:76).
One of my biggest regrets is that I often did not have a good attitude when caregiving for my mother-in-law. I wanted her to be well taken care of. But I did not have a natural caregiver’s heart. I often felt the weight of caregiving. I resented the intrusion on my time and plans for that stage of my life. When she was under hospice care for three years, we had bath aides, social workers, a chaplain, and a doctor coming in and out (often without calling first). Even though I liked most of the people, I often felt the introvert sanctuary of my home had been invaded.
I tried to fight these feelings by reminding myself of God’s truth: it was good and right and biblical to care for my mother-in-law. She had lovingly cared for my husband, and then our family after we married; she deserved our care in return. This was my ministry for that time in my life, and it was every bit as important as writing a book or teaching a class. God would give grace for each day, each moment, as needed.
Yet I still felt guilty about having these negative feelings in the first place.
Paul talks about the difference between regret and repentance, or worldly versus godly grief in 2 Corinthians 7:10-11. It’s important that we don’t stop at regret. It’s possible to feel bad about doing wrong without really repenting of it. Repentance will involve realization that we sinned against God, confession to Him that what we did was wrong, with no excuses or self-justification, and asking for His grace and help to change.
But even after repentance, we sometimes still regret what we did.
After my mother-in-law passed away, my guilt multiplied rather than ebbed. I confessed these things to the Lord. I knew He forgave me. But I still regretted my wrong attitudes and wished I had served her better.
I think this might be what people experience when they say they can’t forgive themselves. If God forgives us, who are we to withhold forgiveness? We have to accept that we are fallen creatures with a bent towards selfishness.
But even with forgiveness, we still regret our past actions. We wonder how we could have been so thoughtless or selfish.
When the person we’ve wronged has passed on, or we’ve lost touch, our regret festers. There’s no way to make it right, to apologize to that person.
Something happened recently to help me realize regrets can be redeemed.
I walked into the church restroom to find two ladies talking who were both currently taking care of their mothers. One knew I had taken care of my mother-in-law and pulled me into the conversation.
One of the things that had helped me most during my mother-in-law’s care was talking to other people who were currently or formerly caring for a parent. I could be a little freer to share with them and know I’d be understood. So now, I was able to help others in that way: mainly by listening, but sometimes by sharing something that helped me.
God has redeemed my regrets in other ways as well: softening my heart, helping me to be more watchful and prayerful, reminding of my need of His grace and help.
Of course, caregiving is not the only area where I have regrets. As I get older, past situations where I have failed come to mind–in parenting, relationships, ministry, and just about every area.
I can’t go back and redo the things I’ve done wrong. But I can encourage others. I can learn from my failures. God can use the way He helped me by sharing with others. He truly does work all things together for good to those who love Him (Romans 8:28). This doesn’t excuse the wrongdoing. But God, in His grace, can use it for good.
I imagine David regretted his sin with Bathsheba. Even though he got a wife and a son out of the situation, he faced other consequences. His sensitive heart, once it was right with God again, had to have berated himself. But out of that scenario came Psalm 51, which ministers to any who have sinned with the hope of forgiveness and redemption. God still used him to write psalms, prepare Solomon for his reign, and provide for the temple Solomon would build.
I’m sure Peter always regretted that he denied knowing Christ when Jesus was arrested and crucified. Jesus forgave him, restored him, and gave him a ministry. His epistles exhort readers to humility and to face suffering and persecution with joy–things I think he learned through his experiences.
It’s not that doing good deeds can somehow make up for our bad deeds. That’s how redemption often works in literature, but not with God. Just as we’re saved by His grace at the beginning, so we walk in His grace throughout life. We don’t do good things to rack up points with Him or to “even the scales”–we could never do enough! Rather, when He forgives us, we serve Him with renewed and thankful hearts.
For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another.But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared,he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit,whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior,so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life (Titus 3:3-7).
But shouldn’t we know better after we’re saved? Isn’t sin that much more heinous after salvation?
The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. . . . As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:13-14).
I love what Christina Rossetti wrote: “A fall is a signal not to lie wallowing, but to rise.” We need to let regret do its convicting, humbling work in us. But then we need to seek God’s grace to keep going, walking closely with Him. He might even redeem our regrets by bringing up opportunities to encourage others with what we have learned.
Jim and I are celebrating our 45th wedding anniversary in a few days. I’m not an expert at marriage, even at this stage. I don’t say a lot about marriage here for that reason. But I thought I’d share a hodgepodge of lessons learned, advice gleaned, and favorite poems and quotes concerning marriage.
1. I *hate* don’t like the saying “Marriage is designed to make you holy, not happy.” Almost every reference to marriage in the bible presents it as a happy union. Yes, we have to battle our selfishness, and God uses marriage to sanctify us. But happiness and holiness are not mutually exclusive.
2. One of my favorite books about marriage is The Ministry of Marriage by Jim Binney. To be honest, I read it so many years ago, I can’t remember much of the content now. But I like the emphasis in the title.
3. Humor helps. “A man without mirth is like a wagon without springs, in which everyone is caused disagreeably to jolt by every pebble over which it runs” (Henry Ward Beecher). Humor can diffuse tense situations and make life easier.
4. But be careful with humor. Poking fun at each other can hurt, even if the other person laughs. They will likely wonder, “Is that what he really thinks?” Also, if someone is pouring her heart out over something, and the other person makes a joke of it, she’ll feel unheard and not taken seriously. When something crosses from gentle teasing into something hurtful is probably different for each couple.
5. Appreciate the 80%. Elisabeth Elliot once said that a wife may appreciate and agree with 80% of what her husband says and does, yet harp at the 20% she doesn’t like, making them both miserable. I assume the same could be said of the husband regarding his wife. No spouse will be perfect: We need to spend more time appreciating what we have.
6. Marriage is not 50/50. It’s 100/100.
7. Love songs speak of climbing mountains or swimming oceans. Who really does those things for love? It’s easy to say, or sing, because no one expects anyone to actually do them. Real love is shown in the everyday giving oneself for the other.
8. Not the grand gestures. Lisa-Jo Baker shared in The Middle Matters that a teenager quoted in the Huffington Post felt her love life would never be adequate “until someone runs through an airport to stop me from getting on a flight.” The girl probably saw that in a movie somewhere. Her romantic life is going to be difficult if she sets up a test scenario in an airport every time she thinks she’s in love. Everyday thoughtfulness and kindness goes much further than the occasional sweeping romantic (and unlikely) moment.
9. Love languages. There’s something to be said for love languages coined by Gary Chapman. We perceive love differently. If a husband compliments his wife all day long or buys her piles of gifts, and her love language is acts of service, she’s not going to feel loved unless he helps wash the dishes. But I agree with Tim Challies here that love languages are just a way to understand and communicate with each other, not something to demand as a right or use to manipulate.
10. Don’t take each other for granted. This can be easy to do after a number of years together, in the busyness of everyday life. It helps to take time to consciously think of what we appreciate about each other.
11. Maintain good manners. Please, thank you, etc., still go a long way and help #10.
12. Assume the best. A former pastor said 1 Corinthians 137 (“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”) means we cherish the best expectations of each other. If the other is late, leaves something undone, does something in a way we don’t like, talk about it kindly and graciously. Don’t jump to conclusions.
13. Date nights are nice, but not, as some would say, essential. The important thing is to spend time together one on one, whether that involves going out or being at home.
14. Be aware of introversion and extroversion. My husband and I are pretty similar in this respect, though I am more of a homebody than he is. But when there are differences, we need to understand that introverts are energized by time alone and drained by time with people, and extroverts are just the opposite. We need to be balanced and considerate with each other.
15. Rituals. Every couple develops their own little rituals in everyday life. But, like I said recently regarding traditions, we need to be flexible with them and not binding. One couple we knew decided that all through their married life, they would get up at the same time and go to bed at the same time. I wonder if they both got up for babies’ nighttime feedings. That meant a lot to them, but my husband and I could not have sustained that with his work schedule and leaving way early for travel. If we start something like that and find it doesn’t work after a while, it’s okay to adjust.
16. Don’t expect the other to read your mind. We might wonder how the other could not know our preferences or desires, but they can’t unless we express them.
17. Speak plainly. This could work both ways, but I think women are more prone to hint rather than plainly say what they want, and then get frustrated when he doesn’t get it.
18. Don’t make special days a test. I heard this from Gregg Harris some thirty years ago, and he’s the only person I have known to say it. He cautioned against using anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine’s Day, etc., as tests of a spouse’s love, and then feeling angry or hurt if he/she doesn’t remember them. Instead, remind the other, or ask, “What would you like to do for” the day beforehand, etc.
19. We all need appreciation. A friend shared that her husband had done a lot of yard work, then came to the door to ask her to come out and see what he had done, saying he needed an “Atta boy.” We smiled, but it’s true–we need to know someone appreciates our work and it pleases them.
20. Respect. I cringe when I hear husbands talking down to wives or wives talking to husbands the same way they talk to their children. We shouldn’t demean or ridicule each other.
What about when a husband doesn’t act in a way that invites respect? I like to turn this around: the same passage that mentions respect in marriage mentions love (Ephesians 5:22-33). Do we want our husband only to show love to us when we act deserving of it? No! We want him to understand when we’re not very lovable and love us anyway. So we can do the same for him. We may not respect every action or sentence, but we can respect him as a person and give him grace when he’s not perfect.
21. Remember you marry a sinner. As Elizabeth Elliot said, there is no one else to marry. While on one hand we hold each other to the highest, on the other, we acknowledge that the other is only human.
22. Be careful how you talk to others about your spouse. This is not only a matter of respecting our spouse, but of being a good testimony about marriage to others. We don’t have to pretend the other is perfect and never does wrong. But what is it saying to younger people about marriage and relationships if a husband getting together with the guys or a wife with the girls if it’s a time to complain about the other?
23. It’s okay to have separate interests. I think we actually benefit when we are enriched creatively in other ways and then come together. Plus, we shouldn’t expect the other to be interested in every little thing we are.
24. But it’s good to share some interests as well, or to listen to a conversation on a topic we’re not interested in or go to an event the other likes but we don’t care for sometimes. There are some family outings where I might not really be interested in the activity, but I go for the family togetherness.
25. Adapt to your own spouse. I read of a woman who heard that a good wife is a good housekeeper. When she got around to discussing housecleaning with her husband, she was surprised to find that he didn’t really care about a pristine house. He didn’t want a sloppy home, but he didn’t feel it needed all the extra touches she was giving it. In fact, he’d much rather she spent more time with him than more time cleaning. I’ve benefited much from good books about home, marriage, and family, but we need to check them with the real live person in our home and his preferences.
26. Don’t lie. I don’t know if there is an easier way to destroy trust than to lie to someone. Sometimes we don’t outright lie, but we manipulate details to get ourselves off the hook.
27. Remember a spouse is a brother or sister in Christ. How many times have you heard of a couple fighting in the car on the way to church, and then pasting on smiles when they get there? All those one-another passages in the Bible apply to our family members as well as other people at church.
28. Don’t put a spouse in God’s place. I had a hard time when my husband worked an overnight shift a few years into our marriage and even more when he started traveling for his job. Evidently I am not alone in that, because Coping when a husband is away is one of my most often-viewed posts. God uses husbands in our lives as our protectors, providers, and companions–but for Him to work through, not for us to look to instead of Him.
29. Find your security in Christ, in the fact that He created you and gifted you for His calling. We all need encouragement and reassurance at times, but we shouldn’t be needy in the sense of needing constant affirmation.
30. Manage your expectations.
31. Avoid “always” and “never,” especially in an accusatory way.
32. Attack the problem, not the person during disagreements.
Favorite Quotes about Marriage.
33. C. S. Lewis has a long quote from Mere Christianity, included here, the gist of which is that the intense “feeling” of love in the beginning can’t be expected to last. “Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships?” But “love as distinct from ‘being in love’ is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other.” “It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.”
34: Jane Eyre. “To be together is for us to be at once as free as solitude, as gay as in company. We talk, I believe, all day long: to talk to each other is but a more animated and an audible thinking.”
35. Booth Tarkington. “It is love in old age, no longer blind, that is true love. For love’s highest intensity doesn’t necessarily mean its highest quality. Glamour and jealousy are gone; and the ardent caress…is valueless compared to the reassuring touch of a trembling hand. . . the understanding smile of an old wife to her husband is one of the loveliest things in the world.”
36. Mignon McLaughlin. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.“
Favorite Songs about Love and Marriage. I’m not a big fan of sappy love songs, except around Valentine’s Day. 🙂 That’s probably because many of them are unreal–the whole climbing mountains and swimming oceans thing mentioned earlier. But here are a couple I especially love:
37: The Voyage. Jim made this video for me in 2008. Jason and Mittu were recently engaged but not married yet, and of course Timothy wasn’t here then. The song is “The Voyage,” sung here by John McDermott, then in the Irish Tenors:
38: My Cup Runneth Over with Love. This was popular when I was a kid, and I still love it.
44. Pray for each other. Though we meet each other’s needs as much as we can, with God’s help, only He can strengthen and enable us day by day.
45. 1 Corinthians 13 is, of course, the best description of love.
When I started, I wasn’t sure if I could come up with a list of 45. Now that I’ve got the ball rolling, even more things are coming to mind. I’d sum up most of what I’ve learned about marriage with this: be kind, gracious, forgiving. Build each other up; don’t tear each other down. Appreciate the little things. Put God first, then each other.
Do you have any favorite marriage advice, quotes, or poems?
In our early married days, I worked in a fabric shop where we had a variety of customers of all ages. Among older ladies, there seemed to be two distinct types. One was very sweet, thankful for any little thing we did to assist them. The other was . . . not sweet.
I remember thinking, “I hope I am the nice kind of older lady when I get that age.”
At some point it dawned on me that if I wanted certain attributes when I got older, I needed to incorporate them while I was young.
“Old” always seems twenty to thirty years beyond my current age. But I am older, and I don’t know that I am yet the kind of older lady I want to be or should be. We’re all a work in progress, no matter how long we’ve lived.
But as I have been around the block a few times, I’ve seen some behaviors I want to avoid.
The “Know it All” Syndrome. When we’ve read the Bible and walked with the Lord for decades, hopefully we’ve acquired some wisdom along the way. But we misuse it if we try to answer most of the questions in Bible Study or Sunday School or feel we have to have the last word that sets everyone straight.
I’ve struggled with this recently. Bible teachers want participation. But I don’t want to monopolize the conversation. Yet I do want to share if I have something helpful to say. I’ve started praying before class that God would give me wisdom to know when to share and when to be silent.
The “We’ve Always Done It This Way” Syndrome. Every new generation brings with it new vocabulary, new technology, new methods. Older people can help younger ones discern between new methods and old truth and try to keep the latter from sliding into oblivion, but we shouldn’t insist that everything be done the way we always did it (or gripe when it isn’t).
The Busybody Syndrome. Busybodies can be any age. Paul is speaking of young widows when he speaks of “idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not” (1 Timothy 5:13). But older women can tend this way, too.
Many years ago, an older lady in our church at the time told one young mom of seven that she was having too many children too close together. She told another young married lady, who, with her husband, wanted to wait until he was out of school before starting a family, that she needed to get busy and start having children. You can imagine that both women were hurt and offended. I am sure that was not the older woman’s intent and that she thought she was helping others with the benefit of her accumulated wisdom. But she overstepped. Before sharing advice, we need to seek the Lord about whether it is really needed and how and when it should be shared.
GossipSyndrome can also occur at any age or gender, but it’s something Paul specifically mentions in Titus 2 when speaking of the commendable kind of older woman. She’s not to be a “slanderer”–other translations say “gossiper” or “false accuser.” Slander can involve saying things that are untrue about someone else. Gossip can be untrue but seems to include spreading things around that may be true but aren’t anyone else’s business. The Bible has much to say about right and wrong uses of our words.
The Old Wives’ TalesSyndrome. The KJV and a few other Bible versions mention these in 1 Timothy 4:7: “But refuse profane and old wives’ fables, and exercise thyself rather unto godliness.” Other versions, like the ESV, leave out the “old wives” part and just say, “Have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness.”
This overlaps gossip a bit, but “old wives’ tales” or fables often seem to involve health issues or warnings that aren’t based on fact. These days, they take the form of urban legends. When we were expecting our first child, someone told us not to get a cat because cats can suck a baby’s breath away. When my husband responded skeptically, the woman teared up because she was just trying to “help” us.
I see a version of this when people share dire warnings on FaceBook without fact-checking “just in case” it’s true. Some people do this so often, it’s like the old story of the “boy who cried wolf”: people don’t take the sharer seriously any more. Once again, we need to be careful of sharing falsehoods and unnecessarily scaring people. It’s usually easy these days to search online and find out the facts before we share.
The “Good Old Days” Syndrome. When we look back, our younger days can seem idyllic. We tend to forget or gloss over the negative aspects of certain eras. It’s not wrong to talk about some of the changes that have occurred over our lives or share history we’ve experienced. But we shouldn’t live in the past. We need to be alert for the good gifts God put in our present time as well.
The “I’ve Done My Time” Syndrome. I hear of women who are still teaching VBS or serving in the church kitchen well into their nineties. Good for them. 🙂 Many of us lose a certain amount of oomph over the years and can’t do all we used to. I wrote posts a few years ago on Why Older Women Don’t Serve and How Older Women Can Serve. We’re always in the Lord’s service as long as we live, but how we serve will probably change over the years. We shouldn’t have the mindset of checking out of active service. We might not be plugged into an official church ministry, but we can still minister to people by walking closely with God and being alert for opportunities to listen, giving a word of encouragement, praying, sending a note, etc.
It’s good to not only look at what to avoid, but what to emulate. Godly older women are to be “reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good” (Titus 2:3). They have “a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work” (1 Timothy 5:10).
Thankfully, in every stage of life, God has placed godly women just ahead of me to observe and learn from.
Instead of gossip, slander, and fables, we share truth. Instead of showing off our accumulated knowledge, we humbly seek God’s timing to share His truth. We hold fast to truth but stay flexible about methods where we can. Instead of tearing down, we build up and encourage. Instead of being busybodies or folding inward towards self, we take kind interest in others and seek to serve however He opens doors.
May God give us grace to walk with Him and serve Him and others well at every stage of life.
Whenever Hannah’s story is taught from the Bible, one phrase stands out to me that I rarely hear comment on.
Hannah dearly longed for a child. In those days, men had more than one wife, and her husband’s other wife did have children. That would have been hard enough, but this rival wife “used to provoke her grievously to irritate her, because the Lord had closed her womb.” This went on for years.
It seems understandable that Hannah would be grieved. But her husband, Elkanah, said, “Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?”
This is the part of the story I don’t hear teaching about. Elkanah seems a little clueless here. At the worst he sounds arrogant: “Hey, you’ve got me. What else do you need?”
To give him the benefit of the doubt, he may have been thinking of the shame associated with childlessness in that day, or the concern that a childless widow would have no one to care for her after her husband died. Perhaps he means, “Don’t worry about those things, Hannah. My status and provision are enough.”
Even with the best of intentions, Elkanah didn’t seem to understand the longing of his wife’s heart, not just for status or elder care, but for her own child to love. Her yearning for a child did not lessen her love for her husband.
So what did Hannah do? She went to the temple to pray.
Normally this would be a good thing to do. We’re often told these days to draw close to our spiritual community. But sometimes our community rubs salt in the wound instead of helping.
This story occurred during the time of the judges, when “everyone did what was right in his own eyes,” leading to some of the most bizarre behavior recorded in the Bible. This was a low point in Israel’s history. Apparently, the priest, Eli, had seen so little fervent prayer that he thought Hannah was drunk and rebuked her.
So what’s a woman to do when her loved ones and her spiritual community don’t understand her, and, in fact, add to her burden?
Hannah poured out her heart to the Lord. She “was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly.” She could safely share the depths of her feelings and cares with Him. She knew He was the only one who could meet her need.
She answered kindly. When Eli accused her of being drunk, she didn’t lash out at him. She just explained a little about her heart’s burden. There’s no record that she responded to her rival in kind or fussed at Elkanah.
She did not become bitter. She could have harbored negative feelings against everyone involved, but there’s no record that she did.
She had faith. After she prayed and asked the Lord for a son, she promised to give her child back to God to serve Him. And then “her face was no longer sad.” She left her burdens at His feet. When God did answer her prayers with a son, she kept her vow and gave Him the glory and praise.
In our day, we have more of the Scripture than Hannah did. So we have an extra layer of help. Hebrews 2:17-18 says, “Therefore he [Jesus] had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.” The writer of Hebrews goes on to say in 4:15-16: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Jesus is more than our example: He is our Lord and Savior. But He has also suffered the same things we do and shown us how to cope with them.
I don’t know if anyone in history was more misunderstood than Jesus. His family, his disciples, and his community all questioned His teaching and His mission.
What did He do?
He kept sharing truth. He knew some would never understand. He knew His disciples wouldn’t understand much until later. He kept sharing truth anyway, trusting that one day it would make sense to them.
He prayed frequently to the One who did understand and could help others understand, His Father.
He kept loving and working with people even when they misunderstood.
He forgave those who wronged Him. “When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23).
When others misunderstand our hurts and concerns, it’s easy to pull away and wrap a protective cloak around ourselves.
Though He often does give us human helpers to counsel, encourage, uplift, and empathize, sometimes they fail us. We need not hold it against them: they’re only human. We fail others sometimes, so we shouldn’t be surprised when others fail us. And sometimes He takes them away so that we may draw closer to Him.
We can do what Hannah did: pour out our hearts to the only One who can truly understand our heart’s longings and our deepest needs. As the old hymn says, “No One Understand Like Jesus.” He may not answer our prayer exactly like we want. But we can trust He knows best.
Because He has been in our place, we know He empathizes with us. He understands thoroughly; He cares intimately; He alone has the power and the wisdom and the grace to meet our needs in the best possible time and way.
(Parts of this post have been revised from the archives.)
I’m not sure I like the term “empty nest” as a description of life when children grow up and leave home.
Have you ever seen a used empty nest?
Some type of little brown birds used to build a nest every year on top of the corner post of the porch. We could watch their life cycle from our front door: the parents building the nest, the mother sitting, the babies growing and straining their beaks toward the food brought by the parents.
Finally, the parent birds would fly to a nearby bush and call for the babies to come. The babies didn’t move from the nest at first. But eventually, one by one, they flew off.
When we were sure they weren’t coming back, we’d take the nest down and brush away the debris of broken twigs and bird droppings from the post. The nest itself was a mess, as four or five baby birds lived there for weeks without a designated spot for relieving themselves.
Mother bird and I share similarities of raising a flock who have successfully gone on to live independently as adults. But that tattered, speckled, messy weaving of twigs doesn’t match up with how I envision my home or life after grown children leave.
As my oldest sons approached adulthood, I wasn’t sure how I’d cope when they left home. I always felt being a wife and mother were my main responsibilities and priorities. How could such an intense relationship with daily interaction abruptly change? How could I suddenly flip a switch from full-time mother to a “retired” one?
Actually, it wasn’t such a sudden switch after all. From the time we first teach them to feed and dress themselves and become responsible, we show them how to start operating independently of us. As they learn to drive, become involved in youth group or music lessons or a part-time job, they spend more and more time away from us. They go to camp and then youth group mission trips. When they go away to college, they take first steps towards adult living while coming home for breaks. (Even though mine commuted to college while living at home, they spent their days and evenings away.)
So by the time kids leave home, they and their parents have had some experience being separated.
Still, that initial move away from home is hard. My middle son left first, getting married a couple of months after college graduation. It didn’t hit me until he started bringing home boxes to pack his stuff in. When I got teary, he made a sign that said “Sewing Room” and put it on his door.
Even though he didn’t live under our roof after marriage, he and his wife lived just a few minutes away, and we saw them frequently.
Then we found out that we were going to be the ones moving away when my husband’s job transferred him to TN.
My oldest lived at home for a while after graduation, not sure what his next steps should be. But when we found we were moving, he decided it was time to step out. He had several friends in RI, and one of them offered him a job.
So it felt like our “nest” emptied by two-thirds all at once, as we left my middle son and his wife in SC, and our oldest went to RI, and we moved to TN.
That was agonizingly hard for all of us.
My youngest son moved with us, finished high school, and attended college locally. He lived at home for a few more years, but moved out a couple of years ago. He’s not far away, thankfully, though he’s talking about (and I am praying against) possibly moving to Washington state or Canada.
So my “nest” has been officially empty for a few years now. Here are some thoughts that helped the transition.
Though our children don’t live at home any more, I have not stopped being a mother.
I miss the everyday hearing how their day went and knowing what they’re up to. But I’m abundantly thankful for texts, emails, and FaceTime.
Sometimes they ask advice, and I try to refrain from offering any unless asked.
We still see each other frequently.
I still pray for them, sometimes I think even more intensely.
Though wifing and mothering were my first priorities, they weren’t exclusive. How much to be involved in other things was always a struggle as my children were growing up. But I felt service, both within church and to individual people, was important. I wanted to serve, but I also wanted them to see service was a normal part of Christian life.
I also wanted them to see that hobbies and friendships with others outside the home were healthy.
I had things to look forward to when my kids moved out. Though I missed them, I enjoyed turning one of their bedrooms into a sewing/craft room. Not only was that fun, but it helped so much to have a place for all my materials, to work on projects, and to leave them out.
I look forward to writing more.
I enjoy being able to pick up and and go somewhere with my husband without concerns about babysitters or teenagers at home.
I could “mother”others. Titus 2 specifically instructs older women to teach and encourage younger women. Sometimes that happens via a formal mentoring situation; most often it happens through friendships and “doing life” together. Though we might not consider ourselves “older women” when the nest first empties, we’re older than someone and can encourage them along the way.
Phyllis Le Peau followed Jesus’ admonition “to feed the hungry, care for widows, and visit those in prison.” She found ways to serve in each of those areas.
My mother-in-law’s hospice chaplain had taken on that as well as a jail ministry in retirement years.
An older lady in our church took it upon herself to visit my mother-in-law a couple of times a month in assisted living. When we moved and my mother-in-law lived with us, one lady in the church wrote regular newsy notes.
I think older women are some of the best at what someone called the “ministry of the pew”–showing an interest and talking with others. At every church we visited in the last year and a half, there was always an older woman who went beyond “We’re glad to have you with us” to make us feel especially welcome.
God’s grace is sufficient for every need at hand. God will enable us to transition to the empty nest years when they arrive—not three years before. He is always with those who believe on Him. He created the family structure such that our children grow up, “leave father and mother,” and serve Him as adults. We can trust Him for our children as they leave the nest, and for ourselves as we serve Him in different ways.
I loved being a full-time mother. But God doesn’t want me to live with regret and longing for the past. He has something for me at each new stage of life.
(My male readers may want to pass this one by. Then again, if you have women in your life, you might find this helpful.)
Between Sunday School and church, our small choir would meet in a downstairs hallway to run through the song we’d practiced the week before. As my friend, Christy (not her real name), came in, I handed her a songbook.
Christy took the book, threw it across the room onto a table, and kept walking.
I was stunned. So, apparently, were the others waiting in the corridor. Most were aware of her physical issues, and one asked, “Is Christy on her period this week?”
I thought, “How embarrassing that the whole church knows when it’s ‘that time of month.'”
Granted, Christy had more severe problems than most. She ended up having a hysterectomy in her thirties.
Though most of us don’t have that level of discomfort, I don’t know anyone who just breezes through their menstrual cycle. There’s always some level of physical discomfort, inconvenience, and emotional fluctuations that can vary month to month and year to year. Much worse has been done due to hormones than throwing a book.
And “that time of month” isn’t the only time hormones fluctuate to almost unbearable levels. They can run askew at other times. Pregnancy, the post-partum era, and menopause are also rough hormonal spots for women, intensified by interrupted sleep and physical discomfort. The years leading up to menopause (called perimenopause) were much harder for me, resulting in anemia, among other issues..
I always felt that my family and friends didn’t deserve for me to blow up or snap at them. I observed that the passage about the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5 doesn’t have an exception clause for hormones.
Still—I had some days when I prayed, “God, this is impossible. How am I supposed to be nice to people when my hormones are raging?” If walking in the Spirit was hard enough on a normal day, how could I do so with all these other factors working against me?
I don’t want to heap guilt on you on top of everything else. But I do want to encourage you to seek “grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:15-16).
From my limited experience, here are some things that might help. (I am not a doctor or counselor and make no medical or mental health claims.)
1. See your doctor. Don’t feel, “This is just a normal part of womanhood. I should be able to buck up and carry on.” And don’t let your doctor stop there, either. Though hormones are part of being a woman, “normal” varies from person to person. Especially if you feel like either your physical symptoms or emotions are extreme, seek help. There are a variety of things that can aid you both physically and mentally.
2. Establish good health habits. We’re tempted to eat junk when we’re not feeling well. An occasional treat is fine, but taking in good nutrition, exercising, getting enough sleep all throughout the month will help even the worst days.
3. Ask for grace. I used to let my husband know that time of month was coming, and, though I was trying hard to reign myself in, I might be a little more emotional or irritable than usual. He was always very understanding and gracious.
I once listened to a cassette tape (that’s how long ago it was) from Wayne Van Gelderen, Jr., in which he told about his mom having a hard time during menopause. His father asked Wayne, as the oldest child, to be a special help for her. He remarked that years later, when he tried to tell his siblings about the difficulties their mom experienced then, they didn’t believe him. He had seen “behind the scenes,” but they had not.
4. Give yourself grace. Not an excuse, but grace. Sometimes we find ourselves irritable or emotional and don’t realize what’s going on until a couple of days later when our period comes. Then the light dawns. If you have a regular cycle, you can prepare yourself a little better mentally. It’s not always possible, but if you know when your worst days might be, try not to schedule major events then. It’s nice to curl up with a heating pad and a good book (or whatever is comforting to you) or bow out of social obligations those days if you can.
5. Maintain good spiritual habits. Putting on the spiritual armor of Ephesians 6, taking our thoughts captive, being filled with the Spirit, all might be harder at certain times of the month or seasons of life. But this is not a time to let our guard down. We need God’s help more than ever. We might shorten or vary our Bible reading and prayer time when we’re not feeling well, but we shouldn’t drop them. Quick prayers throughout the day call on God’s aid in our need: “Please help me not to feel so irritated, or at least not to lash out.”
6. Rely on God’s grace and strength all the more. Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth has said, “Anything that makes you need God is a blessing.” We can’t always arrange our circumstances to accommodate how we feel. In fact, sometimes it seems like issues heap up at the worst time of the month. But cry out to your Father and lean on His help all the more, moment by moment.
7. Meditate on Scripture. Here are a few that helped me in addition to the ones mentioned:
“God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (1 Timothy 1:7). Some translations say “a sound mind” rather than “self-control.”
“In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul” (Psalm 94:19, KJV).
“When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, Then You knew my path” (Psalm 142:3, NKJV).
“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you” (Isaiah 26:3).
“God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work” (2 Corinthians 9:8). Sometimes I would shorten this to make it easier to hang onto: “all grace, all sufficiency, all things, all times.”
I also clung to this stanza from “Just As I Am” by Charlotte Elliott:
Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind; Sight, riches, healing of the mind; Yes, all I need, in Thee to find, O Lamb of God, I come, I come!
8. Take life moment by moment. If we wonder how we’re going to get through this week, or theses months after having a baby, or years before menopause, we’ll feel weighed down and helpless. But we just have to rely on God’s grace this moment. And then the next one.
Much more could be said on this subject. Here are a few good articles I found, especially the first one:
How about you? What helps you when hormones cause you trouble?
I want to emphasize again that if you feel your symptoms are more than you can handle, physically or mentally, see your doctor as soon as possible. There is help available.
Stray Thoughts 