Category Archives: Parenting

Missionaries’ letters to mothers

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I have mentioned here many times the impact that reading missionary biographies has had on my life. Some of the tenderest letters I have ever read were from missionaries to their parents either after having answered the call to the field or after having left for the field. As a Christian parents, we want what the Lord wants for our children, yet our humanness would want our children close by. In honor of Mother’s Day, I wanted to include a few excerpts of these letters honoring parents.

Jim Elliot:

From his journal: “We left our moorings at the Outer Harbor Dock, San Pedro, California, at 2:06 p.m. today. Mom and Dad stood together watching at the pier side. As we slipped away Psalm 60:12 came to mind, and I called back, ‘Through our God we shall do valiantly.’ They wept some. I do not understand how God has made me. I didn’t even feel like weeping, and don’t, even now. Joy, sheer joy, and thanksgiving fill and encompass me.”

From his first letter to his parents after leaving: “I surely praised God for the way you both took my going. It is true that I know very little about how you feel at seeing me leave. All I understand is that it must be very keen, deep, and closely linked with all that this life involves for you. I pray for you whenever you come to mind, asking the ‘help that is from God’ for you both. You are as well a constant source of praise for all that you have given of yourselves for my sake. The will of God is always a bigger thing than we bargain for, but we must believe that whatever it involves, it is good, acceptable, and perfect.”

Hudson Taylor:

From his biography, The Growth of a Soul, by Dr. and Mrs. Howard Taylor: In the light of present privations [his mother] saw with painful clearness all that life in China might bring. And he was her only son.

Ah, that shrinking of mother-hearts! God only who made us fully understands. “He that spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all,” how shall He not fathom the depth of even that anguish. Yes, He has borne it too. God Himself suffered most for a sinning, sorrowing world, and He does not forget. He knows all it costs to give up home and loved ones and go alone to earth’s dark places to lay down life itself, it may be, in seeking souls for whom the Saviour died. And He knows too the sacrifice of those who cannot go, but send their dearest…and with bleeding, thankful hearts look up into His face…saying truly, “I have nothing too precious for Jesus.”

[Hudson] did not blame this mother that for a moment she seemed to waver. It is only “through the Eternal Spirit” such sacrifices can ever be unreservedly offered. And for the passing hesitation we may well be thankful, seeing it called forth the following, that might not otherwise have been written:

Do not let anything unsettle you, dear Mother. Missionary work is indeed the noblest mortals can engage in… We certainly cannot be insensible to the ties of nature, but should we not rejoice when we have anything we can give up for the Saviour? You would be far more unsettled if I were to turn away from this work, and if the Lord were to withdraw His restraining grace and I fell into sin in consequence, would you not? It is all of His mercy that I am preserved from many of the pitfalls that ensnare other young men.

As to my health, I think I never was so well and hearty in my life. [He then goes into great detail about his eating habits.] I am enlarging on these trifles, thought they are not worth writing about, because I know they will interest you and perhaps help you to feel more settled about me…

Continue to pray for me, dear Mother. Though comfortable as regards temporal matters, and happy and thankful, I feel I need your prayers…Oh Mother, I cannot tell you, I cannot describe how I long to be a missionary; to carry the Glad Tidings to poor, perishing sinners; to spend and be spent for Him who died for me. I feel as if for this I could give up everything, every idol, however dear.

Think, Mother, of twelve millions — a number so great that it is impossible to realise it — yes, twelve million souls in China, every year, passing without God and without hope into eternity. Oh, what need for earnestness in the Church and in individual believers!

Oh, it is a noble, an honourable calling! I feel my utter unworthiness and unfitness for it. I want more of the Divine life, more of the Spirit of God to make me a faithful servant and witness. Oh for more grace, love, faith, zeal, holiness!…

I must conclude. Would you not give up all for Jesus who died for you? Yes, Mother, I know you would. God be with you and comfort you.

Amy Carmichael:

Amy Carmichael’s father had passed away, and Amy, as the oldest child, was a help to her mother in many ways. She had also become something of an “adopted” daughter to a friend of the family, Robert Wilson, also affectionately know as “Fatherie” or “theD.O.M.” (Dear Old Man). These two factors made her hesitate, at first, in accepting the call to the mission field. It must be remembered also that in that day both the communication and travel situations would make mother and daughter feel even farther away (in fact, if I remember correctly, once Amy got to India she never returned home, though her mother did visit her there.)

She wrote to her mother:

My Precious Mother,

Have you given your child unreservedly to the Lord for whatever He wills?…

Oh may He strengthen you to say “Yes” to Him if He asks something which costs.

Darling Mother, for a long time as you know the thought of those dying in the dark — 50,000 of them every day, while we at home live in the midst of blazing light — has been very present with me, and the longing to go to them, and tell them of Jesus, has been strong upon me. ..

But home claims seemed to say “Stay”, and I thought it was His Will; it was perhaps til yesterday. I can’t explain it, but lately the need seems to have come closer, and I wrote down a few days ago…why I am not going.

1. Your need of me, my Mother.
2. The great loneliness it would mean to my dear second Father.
3. The thought that by staying I might make it easier for others to go if He called.
4. My not being strong.

But in His sight are these four things worth staying from those poor heathen for? You have given me three-quarters up as it is. My dear old Fatherie is the Lord’s wholly, he would not let me kept out just for him. The other two things surely I could trust about. Still, they seemed to say “Stay”.

Yesterday suddenly the impulse came to have a good talk with my dear Fatherie…and after it I went to my own room and just asked the Lord what it all meant, what did He wish me to do, and, Mother, as clearly as I ever heard you speak, I heard Him say,

“GO YE.”

I never heard it just so plainly before.; I cannot be mistaken, for I know He spoke. He says “Go”, I cannot stay.

Mother, I feel as if I had been stabbing someone I loved. It is Friday now, I could not finish this yesterday, and through all the keen sharp pain which has come since Wednesday, the certainty that it was His voice…has never wavered; though all my heart has shrunk from what it means…the certainty is there…nothing but that sure word, His word, could make it possible to do it, for until he spoke, and I answered, “Yes, Lord”, I never knew what it would cost.

These are the verses He gave me…”If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it, and whosoever will lose his life for My sake shall find it.” “He that loveth father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me.”

“To obey is better than sacrifice.”

Many difficulties have risen in my mind, they seem very great, the “crooked places” seem very crooked, but it seems to me that all He asks is that we should take the one step He shows us, and in simplest, most practical trust leave all results to Him.

Mother, I know that very few of our friends will think I am right. Those who don’t know the Shepherd’s Voice themselves will be quite sure I am very wrong and mistaken, but He has said, “Walk before Me, and be thou perfect.” He knows, and He won’t let me disnonour Him by making a mistake and following my own fancy instead of Him. If it is so, He will show it to me, but if it is His Will, I must do it.

There isn’t much of gladness in this letter, I’m afraid, but I don’t feel anything except sore at the pain this must bring to my loved ones.

Good-bye, my Mother. May He come very near to you and strengthen and comfort you.

Your Own Amy

P.S. Some of these things may cross your mind as they have mine.

What about leaving my God-given Father who does seem to need me a little? Cannot I trust Him to care for him? If He tells me to leave him, He won’t let him suffer. Clara Bradshaw met Hudson Taylor once, and he prayed, “Show this child of thine what blessing she is keeping from her own father” — by staying when He had called her.

If I stayed, might I not keep those dearest to me from God’s richest blessing? But this is a very hard bit to think of, I can hardly face it steadily yet.

“Health” you will think of. He won’t let that hinder if He has said, “Go”. Then as to the money — I don’t see clearly, but I believe He will show us about that. If He does not, I will take it that that means “stay”, for He could not mean me to let you suffer wrongly. But I think soon the boys will be able to help.

Forgive me for the length of this post, but I can’t leave out the response of Amy’s mother:

My Own Precious Child,

He Who hath led will lead
All through the wilderness,
He Who hath fed will surely feed…
He Who hath heard thy cry
Will never close His ear,
He Who hath marked Thy faintest sigh
Will not forget thy tear.
He loveth always, faileth never,
So rest on Him today — for ever.

Yes, dearest Amy, He has lent you to me all these years. He only knows what a strength, comfort and joy you have been to me. In sorrow He made you my staff and solace, in loneliness my more than child companion, and in gladness my bright and merry-hearted sympathizer. So, darling, when He asks you now to go away from within my reach, can I say nay? No, no, Amy, He is yours — you are His — to take you where He pleases and to use you as He pleases. I can trust you to Him, and I do — and I thank Him for letting you hear His voice as you have done. I shall not speak of your dear loving letter or my feelings. How weak we are. But He knows our frame, and remembers. “Go ye” — my heart echoes. “Oh send forth Thy light and Thy truth, let them lead me — let them bring me into Thy holy hill and to Thy tabernacles”, met my eye as I opened my Bible — do you see what the holy hill and tabernacles meant to me in this connection? I never saw it before — and then in the next page comes, “Therefore God has blessed thee for ever.” All day He has helped me, and my heart unfailingly says, “Go ye.” He only knows what this means and will mean to me — to you — to us all. I dare not think — but His grace is sufficient, Amy. Let us keep our eye on Him — and then no wave will swamp us — and He will bear us up in His arms. Oh, isn’t is strange we are not more cheerfully willing followers — to think of His wonderful everlasting love to us, and how little He ever asks in return. Amy, darling, today I got a moment’s glimpse of it all, and how small this life seemed. When we are dying, how very little will it seem that He has asked us to give up for Him. So, my precious Child, I give you back into His loving arms, saying from the depths of my being, “Take her, dear Lord — Thou wilt take the most loving care of her, use her in Thy service and for Thy glory now and where Thou pleasest, for Christ’s sake. Amen.”

For dear Mr. Wilson I feel so much, perhaps more than for myself, but God has his happiness in His keeping. He cannot and will not make a mistake. All other points are minor and must wait — the one thought has been enough today. One step is all that I am equal to — all else will be clear. “The Lord is mt Shepherd, I shall not want.” “Goodness and mercy shall follow me” — and those who trust — “all the days of my life”, and we shall all gather from the north, south, east and west in His home above, and will cast our crowns at His feet, saying “Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power and riches and wisdom and strength and honour and glory and blessing.” Til then may we each one be found faithful.

Ever my darling child’s loving Mother.

For days, it seems to me now, the Lord has been preparing the way, Amy, for your letter.

From Amy Carmichael of Dohnavur by Frank Houghton

You can read more about Amy Carmichael’s mother here.

Kids answer questions about moms

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This has been in my files for years — I don’t know where it originally came from. These are questions put to elementary-aged children about moms. Some of their answers are pretty cute. Enjoy!

Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores.

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goofball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What’s the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I’d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

A few poems for Mother’s Day

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I have several poems in my files about mothers. With Mother’s Day coming up I thought I’d post a few of them here.

This first one was written by Amy Carmichael. I had mentioned Amy Carmichael a few months ago, who, though she had
no children of her own, had a mother’s heart for the ones in the orphanages God used her to start to rescue children from being sold into a life of evil in India. This poem has been a blessing to me in thinking of and praying for my own children.

Father, hear us, we are praying,
Hear the words our hearts are saying,
We are praying for our children.

Keep them from the powers of evil,
From the secret, hidden peril,
Father, hear us for our children.

From the whirlpool that would suck them,
From the treacherous quicksand, pluck them,
Father, hear us for our children.

From the worldling’s hollow gladness,
From the sting of faithless sadness,
Father. Father, keep our children

Through life’s troubled waters steer them,
Through life’s bitter battle cheer them,
Father, Father, be thou near them.

Read the language of our longing,
Read the wordless pleading thronging,
Holy Father, for our children.

And wherever they may bide,
Lead them home at eventide.

This one was an encouragement to me that I could pray along the way when it seemed there wasn’t much time to get alone and pray when children were small.

The while she darns her children’s socks
She prays for little stumbling feet.
Each folded pair within its box
Fits faith’s bright sandals, sure and fleet.

While washing out, with mother pains,
Small dusty suits and socks and slips,
She prays that God may cleanse the stains
From little hearts and hands and lips.

And when she breaks the fragrant bread
Or pours each portion in its cup,
For grace to keep their spirits fed,
Her mother-heart is lifted up!

Oh, busy ones, whose souls grow faint
Whose tasks seem longer than the day,
It doesn’t take a cloistered saint
To find a little time to pray!

–Author unknown

The following captures something I prayed for often — patience, kindness, gentleness.

Father in Heaven, make me wise,
So that my gaze may never meet
A question in my children’s eyes;
God keep me always kind and sweet.

And patient, too, before their need;
Let each vexation know its place,
Let gentleness be all my creed,
Let laughter live upon my face!

A mother’s day is very long,
There are so many things to do!
But never let me lose my song
Before the hardest day is through.

– Margaret E. Sangster

This one reminds me of my blessings.

Dear Lord, it’s such a hectic day
With little time to stop and pray,
For life’s been anything but calm
Since You called on me to be a mom.

Running errands, matching socks,
Building dreams with building blocks,
Cooking, cleaning, and finding shoes
And other stuff that children lose.

Fitting lids on bottles of bugs,
Wiping tears and giving hugs,
A stack of last weeks mail to read,
So, where’s the quiet time I need?

Yet when I steal a minute, Lord
Just at the sink or ironing board,
To ask the blessings of Your grace
I see then, in my small one’s face
That you have blessed me
All the while….
And I stop to kiss
That precious smile.

— Author unknown

I have many more but I don’t want to overwhelm anyone. 🙂  I may post a few more later, or I may save some for next year. Hope you enjoyed them. 🙂

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Mother Sewing by Mary Cassatt

Courtesy of AllPosters.com 

Thursday Thirteen: Mother’s Dictionary

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This has made the e-mails rounds several times over, so it’s probably old to many. But I thought these were funny even after several readings, and appropriate for Mother’s Day coming up. There are just a few more than thirteen, but I’ll let you have those free. 🙂 The lovely Thursday Thirteen banner above was made by Yellow Rose.

ADULTS: Group of people Mom longs to communicate with after several hours of talking in small words about topics like “who touched who first”

BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.

BECAUSE: Mom’s reason for having kids do things which can’t be explained logically.

CHINA: Legendary nation reportedly populated by starving children who love leftover vegetables.

DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

LOOK OUT!: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

SUNDAY BEST: Attractive, expensive children’s clothing made of a fabric which attracts melted chocolate and grape juice.

TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

“WHEN YOUR FATHER GETS HOME”: Standard measurement of time between crime and punishment.

WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly to “Get a sponge.”

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

I Corinthians 13 for mothers

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I Corinthians 13 Paraphrased For Mothers
Adapted by Jim Fowler

If I live in a house of spotless beauty with everything in its place, but have not love, I am a housekeeper ­ not a homemaker.

If I have time for waxing, polishing, and decorative achievements, but have not love, my children learn cleanliness not godliness.

If I scream at my children for every infraction, and fault them for every mess they make, but have not love, my children become people-pleasers­ not obedient children.

Love leaves the dust in search of a child’s laugh.

Love smiles at the tiny fingerprints on a newly cleaned window.

Love wipes away the tears before it wipes up the spilled milk.

Love picks up the child before it picks up the toys.

Love accepts the fact that I am the ever-present “mommy,” the taxi-driver to every childhood event, the counselor when my children fail or are hurt.

Love crawls with the baby, walks with the toddler, and runs with the child, then stands aside to let the youth walk into adulthood.

Before I became a mother I took glory in my house of perfection. Now I glory in God’s perfection of my child. All the projections I had for my house and my children have faded away into insignificance, and what remain are the memories of my kids.

Now there abides in my home scratches on most of the furniture, dishes with missing place settings, and bedroom walls full of stickers, posters and markings,

But the greatest of all is the Love that permeates my relationships with my children.

Questions vs. accusations

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We had one of our missionaries speaking at church last night. In the course of his message he referred to God’s asking Adam in the garden of Eden, after he had partaken of the forbidden fruit, where he was hiding and what he had done. God, of course, knew the answer. But He asked Adam the questions all the same. The speaker said one reason for that is because “Questions stir the conscience, but accusation hardens the will.”

That’s one of those things I wish I had known when my kids were younger.

Teasing

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I just learned a few days ago that my youngest son has been being teased for weeks or months, I don’t know how long. It came to light a few days ago. In one of their school chapels, the students had been encouraged to make sure their hearts were right with God, and in an unusual moving of the Spirit, many did so, and did so publicly that day. It was totally unplanned, but chapel lasted for a couple of hours or more that day as they gave time for students to confess to the Lord, and to each other if need be, anything that He convicted them of. Our church had had wonderful revival services the week before, and this, I think, showed the Lord’s continued working.

What my son felt the need to confess to us was that he had pushed or shoved another student a while back. That’s not characteristic of him, but the student had said something about me. What, I don’t know and didn’t ask. I told Jesse that while I appreciated his wanting to defend me, that probably wasn’t the way to handle it, and he agreed. As we talked longer, somehow it came out that he was regularly teased about his ears. He laughed as he told me some of the things that had been said. I mentioned to him that there is a surgery in which they can take ears that stick out too far and make them closer to your head. My husband and I had talked about it before — to me Jesse’s ears were kind of borderline. If they had been much worse we would have already had the surgery to avoid just this kind of thing. But all surgeries have their risks, so we didn’t want to do it unnecessarily. So we were waiting to see how things changed as he went through puberty. As I mentioned this surgery to Jesse, he said, “No, I’m fine with it. A lot of times I laugh along with them.”

So, though he’s handling it well, my mother-bear heart was upset. I don’t think we need to talk to parents of the other kids or anything like that — I think that could only make it worse.

But what bothers me is that, when anything of this nature comes up in a conversation, the general response is something like, “Oh, kids are just that way.”

Well, that’s true. But it is also a kid’s way, when he is little, to hit another toddler over the head who has a toy he wants or to lie the first time his mind can comprehend that he might be in trouble but he might get out of it if he can make Mom think that something else happened. We correct those behaviors — why do we let other behaviors go unchecked with the excuse that kids are just that way? Especially Christian parents of Christian kids? People have often said through the years, “Kids can be so cruel.” Shouldn’t we be trying to teach our children not to be that way?

I know often parents are unaware of the kinds of things their kids are saying. Probably my own children have said things they shouldn’t have to other children along the way as they were growing up that I am totally unaware of. Perhaps one thing we can do as parents is to ask the Lord to bring these things to light if and when they happen so they can be dealt with. Another thing we can do is actively teach that God made everyone the way they are for a reason. Our standard is not, or shouldn’t be, that everyone should look like movie stars or models. We talk about that in other areas, but we need to apply it to this. Sometimes I’ll see someone and my first reaction is that their nose is big or their eyes are too far apart or whatever, and I’ll have to ask myself, “By whose standard? Who decreed that noses are only supposed to be so long or eyes are supposed to be set only a certain way? Who made that nose or those eyes?” We need to check these attitudes in ourselves and in our children. And we need to teach the harmfulness of hurtful words (Prov. 12:18: There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health) and the need for gracious, edifying words (Eph. 4:29: Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.)

I hope this doesn’t sound like I am “ranting.” It isn’t meant to. These thoughts weren’t stirred just by this one incident. but have been on my mind for a while. I’ve been a mother for 22 years, worked with children for several years before that, and was a child myself before that. 🙂 So, knowing that children are wont to tease and to sometimes be cruel is nothing new to me.  But over the years I have been amazed at the tendency of adults, especially Christian adults, to just brush it off as normal. Christians aren’t supposed to yield to the sinful impulses that come normally. We’re supposed to seek God’s supernatural grace to yield our bodies, including our mouths, to Him for His use.

The Lord is so good to minister to us and bring something of His truth before our eyes just when we need it. I mentioned a few days ago that I was delighted to find a reproduction of Rosalind Goforth’s biography of her husband, Jonathan.  I’ve been wanting to reread it since I got it, and I picked it up yesterday. One of the early chapters talked about his college experiences. He came from a farming background, and his mother was one of the best seamstresses in the county, and she made his clothes for school. When he went away to college, his home-made clothes stood out like a sore thumb in the city. Even more than that, though, he was naive and unpretentious. He did realize that his clothing did not fit in, and, though very poor, bought some material to have some new clothes made. Some young men in his dormitory found it, cut a hole in the top, put it over Jonathan’s head, and made him run up and down a hallway through a number of other laughing students. He felt afterward that this kind of behavior should be reported, but was told by the college authorities that it was just a harmless prank. It hurt him, not so much that this had been done to him, but that it had happened at a Christian college. Rosalind writes, “That night he knelt with Bible before him and struggled through the greatest humiliation and the first great disappointment of his life. The dreams he had been indulging in but a few days before had vanished, and before him, for a time at least, lay a lone road. Henceforth he was to break an independent trail. It is not hard to see God’s hand in this, forcing him out as it did into an independence of action which so characterized his whole after life.” By the time he graduated, he had the honor and support of the whole school, and many had come to apologize for their actions that year.

So — I know the Lord can use these kinds of things to teach and to build character, and I can trust Him to work all things together for good (Romans 8:28).

Works-For-Me Wednesday: Conveying expectations to children

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wfmwheader_4.jpgWhen my children were little, sometimes in public places they would exhibit behavior that was hard (not impossible, but hard) to correct once it was in motion. For instance, at the grocery store one would ask for candy and a drink and a toy. Or visiting an elderly neighbor, my child would want to wander off and play in other rooms when I wanted him to stay where I could see him, or mess with things he was not supposed to, or ask for candy from the candy dish, etc. One day at the grocery store it occurred to me to tell him before we ever got out of the car what he could have in the way of a treat (sometimes we would get a drink if it was a hot day, or a piece of candy at the register, or whatever). Then if he asked for something in addition once we got in the store, I would say, “No, remember, we’re just getting this today. Maybe next time we can get that.” When we went to visit the neighbor, before we ever left our house, I would say (in a matter-of-fact way, not a harsh or scolding way) that we were going to visit Mrs. B., and he could not ask for a piece of candy, though he could have one if she offered it, and he had to stay in the room where I was and not touch the things Mrs. B. had on her end tables (side hint: in situations like that it also helps to bring a little toy or book or something that the child can play with). Mrs. B., by the way, always seemed to love our visits and never seemed to mind if my son handled anything in her house, but I wanted to teach him not to do that.

It seemed that often just by letting him know ahead of time what he could expect, a lot of inappropriate behavior was avoided. In fact, as I remember these things I am picturing my oldest, so possibly by the time the others came along this was already ingrained in my child-rearing habits. I am sure it was not fool-proof, and there were probably infractions, but it did seem to help immensely.

We discovered another variation of this when he was older. The local Christian college was putting on a production that might be of special interest to children and invited upper elementary children at our Christian school to come to the final dress rehearsal. This gave the cast a chance to rehearse before a live audience (maybe even gave them a chance to know what the reaction might be) and gave the kids a treat. Before the production started, the man in charge (Dr. Gustafson, for those who know him) came out and told the children a little bit about it and explained how they needed to behave, again, in a kind but matter-of-fact tone. In the course of that he said something about “putting on our best concert manners.” That stuck with me when we went to other performances, and I was able to tell my children, “Remember the man who spoke to us about concert manners? We need to put on our best concert manners when we go to this program.” That was very helpful as well.

Shannon at Rocks In My Dryer began and hosts Works For Me Wednesday, and you can find more tips or share some of your own there.

If You Give A Mom A Muffin

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If you give a mom a muffin,
She’ll want a cup of coffee to go with it.
She’ll pour herself some.

Her three-year-old will spill the coffee.
She’ll wipe it up.

Wiping the floor, she’ll find dirty socks.
She’ll remember she has to do laundry.

When she puts the laundry in the washer,
She’ll trip over boots and bump into the freezer.

Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan for supper.
She will get out a pound of hamburger.

She’ll look for her cookbook (“101 Things To Do With a Pound of Hamburger”).

The cookbook is setting under a pile of mail.
She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The check book is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old.

She’ll smell something funny.
She’ll change the two-year-old’s diaper.

While she is changing the diaper, the phone will ring.
Her five-year-old will answer and hang up.
She’ll remember she wants to phone a friend for coffee.
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.
And chances are…
If she has a cup of coffee,
Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

– Original Author Unknown

(Photo courtesy of the stock.xchng)

“A child learns self-denial”

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That is the title of today’s devotional from Back to the Bible’s series made up of Elisabeth Elliot’s writings. I highly recommend this one. I highly recommend most of her writings. 🙂 But this especially speaks to some issues involved in raising children.

I was especially struck by the thought that in Bible times, women did a lot of hard and time-consuming tasks and probably didn’t have a lot of time for sitting in the floor and playing with their children. I am sure they did to some extent, and, as a young mother, I enjoyed those playing times, but there was a constant struggle and fighting off guilt for not doing that more. But, truly, as we go about our daily tasks and include our children and interact with them all through the day, we’re having an influence on them, teaching them, building our relationship with them, and using opportunities in everyday to teach them about the Lord.

It was also a rebuke and a reminder to include them. When they were little and “Mommy’s shadow,” that just happened by necessity. As they got older I’m afraid I would often shoo them off to play so that I could work more efficiently. But even still I enjoy the fellowship of working together as well as playing together.