Time Travel Tuesday: Most adventurous act

My Life as Annie’s weekly Time Travel Tuesday question for today is:

Tell us the most adventurous thing you have ever done! What gave you the courage to do it or try it and how did you feel afterwards?

I’ve been thinking about this off and on all day. I am not a very adventurous soul. I like my well-defined comfort zones. I don’t know that I have ever really done anything adventurous on purpose just for the adventure. But the Lord has pushed me out of my comfort zone at times.

Probably one “push” was going to college when none of my immediate family had ever gone and when I didn’t really have the money to. I wrote more about that here (fourth paragraph).

Another time was when I, who usually was very quiet and reserved, especially where guys were concerned, took the initiative to introduce myself to my husband-to-be.

But probably one of the most adventurous areas of my life has been in the realm of serving the Lord. My preference is to operate behind the scenes. But when one of my first adult opportunities for a small leadership position came up in our ladies’ ministry, and my first instinct was to decline, our ladies’ ministry president encouraged those of us who were nominees not to say no until we had prayed about it. And as I did, I just didn’t feel the freedom to say no. Though in a sense I felt “hemmed in” — not by the people asking me to serve, but by the Lord — when no one else accepted the nomination and I was ‘it,” that experience stretched me and grew my faith and dependence on the Lord in amazing ways. In the years since with other leadership positions, it has been scary yet marvelous to be in a position that seems too big, that it seems any number of other people would be better gifted for, and learn and grow and even make mistakes and find the Lord faithful to provide wisdom, grace, ideas, supplies, time, helpers, and everything else as I give it all over to Him (sometimes several times) and depend on Him to work in and through me and the ministry at hand. And then when He uses it, all the glory goes to Him because I know it wasn’t any strength or wisdom or skill of my own involved. I wrote more about this in a post titled “You can’t say no until you pray about it.” Often these days we hear the other side of it, that it is fine to say no and, in fact, we need to so we’re not overrun and burdened down with responsibilities we were never meant to take on. And that’s very true. There have been many things I have felt perfectly free to say no to over the years. Yet for far too long and for all the wrong reasons, “No” was usually my initial response to a new opportunity of ministry. So I encourage you, the next time someone asks you to consider participating in a ministry, pray about it before saying no right off the bat. The answer may indeed be no — it may not be the right time or you may already have too many responsibilities. But if the answer is yes, the Lord may be about to take you on an adventure you would never otherwise have known.

Then, though I studiously avoid roller coasters, one of the biggest roller coaster rides of my life has been dealing with transverse myelitis.  Posts dealing with that are in the upper right hand corner under “Pages,” so I won’t reiterate much of that here. But learning to walk again and to drive with numb feet and to operate with a quirky nervous system has been quite an adventure! It has been a path I would not have chosen to go down, but, again, sometimes the Lord just puts you in positions where there is nothing you can do but depend on Him, and you either have to go forward or vegetate. I am so thankful for the lessons learned and for the experience of leaning on Him and finding “the everlasting arms” underneath, of wrestling with the hard questions and finding Him faithful, true, good, and loving.

Odds and Ends…

Bits and pieces. Randomness. Hodgepodge. Stray Thoughts (that sounds familiar….). Or as Susanne charmingly puts it, Mishmash. That’s what this post is. 🙂

  • I inadvertently had a mini author event (or an author mini-event — the authors are life-sized, I’m sure) in the comment section of this post about feeling too awkward to speak to an author at a book-signing or author event. Several authors somehow found their way to that posted and commented, including one of my favorites, Terri Blackstock, as well as several who were new to me. The general consensus was yes, please do go ahead and approach them, even if you can’t think of anything else to say but, “I really liked your book.” They feel as awkward as we do but they don’t want to sit there twiddling their thumbs with no one to talk to. And affirmation can help spur us on in the work of the Lord. It reminded me of this post with a quote from Elisabeth Elliot to the effect that it is not wrong to want approval. I don’t know how many times in church I have heard someone say, “Since so-and-so isn’t here, I want to take this opportunity to tell something special he did,” and I’ve wondered if it would have really encouraged so-and-so to know that the Lord has used him in some way.
  • About a month ago I wrote about some dental woes and how the Lord was helping me deal with it. I am happy to report that as of this morning I have my new permanent bridge in and I am so happy to be done with that! I do have a similar problem on the other side that I am hoping can be solved with just a crown rather than a bridge — I have an appointment to deal with that next week. The digestive issues I was concerned about with the antibiotic I had to be on (that has big warning signs of possible colitis as a side effect) were minor, thankfully. I did eat some yogurt every day I was on it and a few days afterward, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that I liked it, especially Yoplait’s orange dreamsicle flavor.
  • Friday afternoon and evening our school had its annual fall festival, and it was a perfect, beautiful fall day for it. It’s a fund raiser for the senior trip, but the whole school gets in on it. Each class mans a booth or activity of some type. It’s kind of like a mini-carnival. Jesse’s class’s booth sold funnel cakes (very good! But I don’t even want to think about the calories!) and fried Snickers bars (didn’t try that — almost raises my blood sugar just to think about it). There’s one lady who has the set-up and know-how to do it, so all the other parents had to contribute was a little money for supplies, which was fine by me. One of the other classes sponsored a dunking booth. Usually they have pastors and teachers (Carol, aren’t you glad you only had to sell tickets? 😀 ) and staff in the booth to be dunked, along with maybe a Bic Mac (big man around campus 🙂 ) or two, like some of the athletes. But this year they had the youth pastor and the school principle, then they opened it up for students to volunteer. They did send permission slips home for it ahead of time, and Jesse wanted to sign up to do it. Participants who wanted to be in the dunking booth had to pay six tickets ($3) for the privilege for 20 minutes, and others could pay two tickets to get 3 throws to try to dunk whoever was in there. Jesse had the time of his life. He thoroughly enjoyed it. And yes, I dunked him. 🙂 It was funny, though — when we got there and saw the schedule of students who had signed up, they were all 7th and 8th-graders. I guess they were young enough to think it would be great fun.
  • Dunking booth

  • fallyall.jpgShannon at Rocks In My Dryer is hosting another give-away extravaganza like the Dog Days of Summer event that I am sure many of you remember, only this time it will be held at her Bloggy Giveaways site (which, by the way, you should subscribe to or check regularly. There has been some neat stuff given away there!) This event is called the Fall, Y’all Bloggy Give-Away and will be held the week of October 29. Anyone with a blog can give away anything (within Shannon’s guidelines) that week and link to it there. Details are here. It was a lot of fun last time — people gave away books, CDs, crafts, jewelry, and all kinds of stuff. I didn’t win anything, but I had fun hosting a give-away and meeting some new bloggers.
  • My new copy of the revived Victoria magazine just arrived this afternoon! I can hardly wait to sit down and pore over it.

Some very nice people have passed on some awards to me.

New and fun blog friend Carolyn at Talk…to…Grams awarded me the You Lift Me Up blog award, saying, “Barbara H. at Stray Thoughts: I am new to reading her blog but I have read her comments for a while on other blogs and I liked what she had to say so much that I went over to her blog to see what she was about!! And I loved her post!! Very uplifting!”

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Jen at My 3 boys and I passed on the Totally Fabulous award to me.

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And Alice at Hello, My Name Is Alice passed on the I Love Your Blog Award to me.

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Thanks you ladies all so much! It warms my heart that you would each think of me in such a way.

I passed the I Love Your Blog award on to others a few weeks back. The You Life Me Up award and Totally Fabulous award I’d like to pass on to all who read and comment here because you are fabulous and you do lift me up!

Psalm Sunday: Psalm 49

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1 Hear this, all ye people; give ear, all ye inhabitants of the world: 2 Both low and high, rich and poor, together.

3 My mouth shall speak of wisdom; and the meditation of my heart shall be of understanding.

4 I will incline mine ear to a parable: I will open my dark saying upon the harp.

5 Wherefore should I fear in the days of evil, when the iniquity of my heels shall compass me about?

6 They that trust in their wealth, and boast themselves in the multitude of their riches;

7 None of them can by any means redeem his brother, nor give to God a ransom for him:

8 (For the redemption of their soul is precious, and it ceaseth for ever:)

9 That he should still live for ever, and not see corruption.

10 For he seeth that wise men die, likewise the fool and the brutish person perish, and leave their wealth to others.

11 Their inward thought is, that their houses shall continue for ever, and their dwelling places to all generations; they call their lands after their own names.

12 Nevertheless man being in honour abideth not: he is like the beasts that perish.

13 This their way is their folly: yet their posterity approve their sayings. Selah.

14 Like sheep they are laid in the grave; death shall feed on them; and the upright shall have dominion over them in the morning; and their beauty shall consume in the grave from their dwelling.

15 But God will redeem my soul from the power of the grave: for he shall receive me. Selah.

16 Be not thou afraid when one is made rich, when the glory of his house is increased;

17 For when he dieth he shall carry nothing away: his glory shall not descend after him.

18 Though while he lived he blessed his soul: and men will praise thee, when thou doest well to thyself.

19 He shall go to the generation of his fathers; they shall never see light.

20 Man that is in honour, and understandeth not, is like the beasts that perish.

This psalm calls to mind I Timothy 6:17: “Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not highminded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy.”

It’s not wrong to be rich if it is within God’s plan for an individual. Abraham and many other Bible individuals were rich in their day. Years ago I read a biography titled Lady Huntingdon and Her Friends about Lady Selina Hastings who was instrumental in helping John Wesley and George Whitfield in their ministries and who founded 64 chapels. She said she was “saved by an m” because the Bible says not many wise, mighty, or noble are called, but it didn’t say not any. 

Yet it can be a temptation to the rich to trust in their wealth, and it can be a temptation to those who are not rich to think they would be secure if they had wealth.  Riches can be an idol in either case. Sometimes we don’t want to be rich, but we feel if we just had a little more then everything would be safe and secure.

But verses 7-8 remind us that riches can’t secure redemption, and verses 9-14 remind us that riches can’t keep death away (at least not forever). Verses 10 and 17 remind us that riches won’t be carried into eternity.

I’m reminded of a scene in Oliver! where Fagin, the evil master thief who has been teaching stray boys to pickpocket, is trying to escape with his hoard of riches after learning that the police are coming. He has all his worldly goods in his arms but somehow drops them into a muddy bog. They sit on top of the muck for just a second, and then, bloop, they disappear down into the mess, and with all Fagin’s thrashing around trying to retrieve them, he can’t find them and has to run on. Many wealthy people through the years can testify of a sudden robbery or a sudden change in the market or a slower change in industry or technology which rendered their product or service useless.

Our care, our provision, our sustenance in this life come from the Lord. And even more, He provides the way for the redemption of our souls from sin and our bodies from the grave (verse 15). The more we learn of Him and get to know Him through His Word, the more our faith will be increased to trust Him for all our needs.

Visit Butterfly Kisses for more Psalms Sunday mediations, and feel free to join in by adding your own.

Jesus, my Lord, my God, my All

Jesus, my Lord, my God, my All,
Hear me, blest Savior, when I call;
Hear me, and from Thy dwelling place
Pour down the riches of Thy grace;
Jesus, my Lord, I Thee adore;
O make me love Thee more and more.

Jesus, too late I Thee have sought;
How can I love Thee as I ought?
And how extol Thy matchless fame,
The glorious beauty of Thy Name?
Jesus, my Lord, I Thee adore;
O make me love Thee more and more.

Jesus, what didst Thou find in me
That Thou hast dealt so lovingly?
How great the joy that Thou hast brought,
So far exceeding hope or thought!
Jesus, my Lord, I Thee adore;
O make me love Thee more and more.

Jesus, of Thee shall be my song;
To Thee my heart and soul belong;
All that I have or am is Thine;
And Thou, blest Savior, Thou art mine;
Jesus, my Lord, I Thee adore;
O make me love Thee more and more.

–Henry A. Collins, 1854

(You can hear a 90 second sound clip of this hymn here.)

Conditions for receiving strength

From Climbing by Rosalind Goforth

It was while I had a large family of little children about me and mission work was pressing heavily upon me, while feeling burdened and that strength was insufficient, I sought to find in God’s Word whether there were any conditions to be fulfilled for the receiving of divine strength. The result of this study was a surprise and joy to me, and later a blessing and help to many to whom I passed it on, for every condition the weakest could fulfill!

Conditions of receiving strength

1. Weaknesses. II Cor. 12:9-10
2. No might. Isa. 40:29
3. Sitting still. Isa. 30:7
4. Waiting on God. Isa. 40:31
5. Quietness. Isa. 30:15
6. Confidence. Isa. 30:15
7. Joy in the Lord. Neh. 8:10
8. Poor. Isa. 25:4
9. Needy. Isa. 25:4
10 Dependence on Christ. Phil. 4:13

Deut. 31:6: Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

Book reviews

I’ve finished a few books over the last few weeks that I haven’t had a chance to mention yet.

shopping-for-time.jpgShopping For Time was written by the authors of the girltalk blog, mom Carolyn Mahaney and daughters Nicole Mahaney Whitacre, Kristin Chesemore, and Janelle Bradshaw. You might raise a skeptical eyebrow at the subtitle, “How To Do It All and NOT Be Overwhelmed,” until you get to page 13, where it says, “We can actually do all that God has called us to do” without becoming “overwhelmed, miserable, and exhausted.” That sentence succinctly states the theme of this book, and the following chapters outline several tips for using time wisely. Ephesians 5:15-16 is the theme passage of the book: “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” “The phrase, ‘making the best,’ means to ‘buy up, rescue from loss, or improve’ the use of time,” (p. 19), so a shopping metaphor is employed throughout the book to illustrate ways to “buy up” the time. There are multiple tips for things like putting time with the Lord first, planning, evaluating relationships, etc.

The book is written in a conversational, encouraging, “coming alongside to help” style rather than having a rigid system of schedules and plans as some time management books do. Sprinkled throughout the tips are anecdotes from the authors’ own lives as well as snippets from notes and e-mails they have received. They frankly deal with issues that must be faced, but they also acknowledge problems women face in managing their time, especially with small children in the home, and offer creative ways to implement their tips in busy households with very different planning styles, schedules and seasons of life. They remind us that our standing before God is secure based on our relationship with Christ, not how well we perform our duties, yet we can improve our stewardship of the time and responsibilities He has given us.

Besides the topic and tips, I enjoyed getting to know the girltalk girls a little bit. When I read the blog I don’t always distinguish between the authors, but I felt I got to know the individual personalities a little better through this book.

258049o.jpgReturn To Me by Robin Lee Hatcher is a prodigal daughter story. Headstrong Roxy Burke left home as soon as she was of age to obtain her grandmother’s inheritance to go to Nashville and become a country music star. Her lack of discipline and listening to those trying to help her plus her spendthrift ways and friends who were just around for the good times eventually left her broke and nearly broken. The only thing she knows to do is go back home to see if her father will help her. He welcomes her back with open arms, but older sister Elena, who has done all the right things, doesn’t feel it’s fair that Roxy gets what seems to her to be easy forgiveness with few consequences. A wrinkle in this version of the story is that Elena is now engaged to Roxy’s old boyfriend, who was her rebel-in-arms at the time but who has now come to know the Lord and is desiring to be a pastor.

This is a well-written story portraying how this scenario might play out in modern times. It’s easy to sympathize with all the characters and their anguish and the lessons each has to learn.

When parts of Roxy and Elena’s parents’ story came out and sounded familiar, I realized they were the main characters in a story I read last year called A Carol For Christmas.

I was a little dismayed at where the author had Roxy “come to herself” in the book, but the more I thought about it the more I realized it was probably a parallel to the prodigal son’s story of coming to himself in about the lowest place he could be.

Overall it is a wonderful book and speaks of the need for redemption and forgiveness on many levels.

kk-clouds.jpgJust this morning I finished Just Beyond the Clouds by Karen Kingsbury. It is the contiuation of the story of Cody Gunner, a bull rider whose story was told in A Thousand Tomorrows.

In that book, Cody is driven to succeed by the anger and pain he feels toward his father, who left the family because he couldn’t handle dealing with the diagnosis of Cody’s younger brother, Carl Joseph, who has Down Syndrome. He meets Ali, another rodeo star, on the circuit and falls in love with her. Unbeknownst to most, Ali has cystic fibrosis, but she would rather live life to the fullest than play it safe at home, even if it means shaving a few years off her life. Cody donates a lung to help Ali, which gives them about 3 years — about a thousand more days together.

In this sequel, Cody still has not “gotten over” Ali’s death four years later. He doesn’t ride bulls any more, but he works on the rodeo circuit in the announcer’s booth, lending his unique understanding and perspective. But he can’t deal with it any more because painful memories of Ali infuse every moment and circumstance. He comes home to try to decide what to do. He finds that his brother is in a center for independent living. Cody fears for Carl Joseph’s safety and is adamantly against his being at the center. He attends class with Carl Joseph for a week and meets his teacher, Elle, with whom he clashes over the needs and abilities of Down Syndrome patients and who is harboring a heartache of her own. Though enemies at first, Cody and Elle are attracted to each other.

I loved the story of how Cody and Elle had to work through their initial first impressions of each other and their firm but opposite viewpoints, and I loved the representation of the Down Syndrome patients and what they could do and how much richer their lives were with some responsibilities and expectations.

The one major disappointment with this book, though, as well as its predecessor, is that the way of salvation is not very clear. I do realize a Christian author may not want to have a full-blown step-by-step salvation experience in each book, and that’s fine, but on the other hand an unsaved reader shouldn’t come away confused or unclear about what is happening if a character does become a Christian. In Cody’s case he goes from not wanting to have much at all to do with God to realizing he needs to pray and seek God’s guidance. That’s a good step, but in itself it is not salvation. I know from reading many Karen’s other books that she does make clear what it is to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, so I am not sure why it is veiled here. I do remember having the same impression after reading the first book, though I don’t recall the details after so many years. If I remember correctly, I don’t recall that Cody or his family were professing believers who had gotten away from the Lord: that scenario would make a little more sense with their spiritual journeys in this book.

Since this post is longer than I intended, I am thinking maybe I should have made separate posts for each book. But I didn’t want to have three separate book posts right after one another.

Show and Tell Friday: Felt Books

show-and-tell.jpg Kelli at There’s No Place Like Home hosts “Show and Tell Friday” asking “Do you have a something special to share with us? It could be a trinket from grade school, a piece of jewelry, an antique find. Your show and tell can be old or new. Use your imagination and dig through those old boxes in your closet if you have to! Feel free to share pictures and if there’s a story behind your special something, that’s even better! If you would like to join in, all you have to do is post your “Show and Tell” on your blog, copy the post link, come over here and add it to Mr. Linky. Guidelines are here.“

When my older sons were small, I discovered these small felt books from Betty Lukens. Some of you may be familiar with their beautiful flannel Bible story sets. We used them to look at at home or to take with us in situations where the kids needed to sit still and quietly (church, doctor’s offices).

Felt books from Betty Lukens

The one in the bottom left hand corner was our first one. You can tell it is a little more worn than the rest. The other three were purchased years later when my youngest came along. It didn’t occur to me til the fourth book to make a protective cover like the one on the bottom left corner.

These came in kit form. All the flannel pieces were on a length of fabric that had to be cut out. There was a little cutting and gluing to be done, then the pages were put in order and tied with yarn. Little pockets were glued on backs of pages to keep the pieces in.

Pocket to hold pieces

Two of the books are Bible stories, one is a farm book, and the last has various means of transportation.

This one of the story of baby Moses shows the little basket with the baby, a flap where the bush is that was hiding him, Pharaoh’s daughter discovering him, and his sister Miriam watching from behind another bush. For her hiding place cuts were made along the branches of the bush and a pocket was glued to the back so she could be tucked into the bushes without falling through to the other side.

Finding baby Moses

This one shows Moses leading the children of Israel through the Red Sea. Flaps pull back to show the parting of the waters.

Moses and the Red Sea

Jesus’ disciples fishing with a net:

Fishing

Grandpa’s barn:

Barn

Hot air balloons:

Hot air balloons

My children enjoyed these a lot when they were younger. Now they are in a box in the closet awaiting grandchildren.

Someone asked if they were still being sold. Yes, Betty Luken’s  site has all but the transportation one plus several more than what they had when I was buying mine here. I originally got mine at a home school conference fair — I hadn’t attended the conference and wasn’t home schooling yet, but they opened up the sales booths to the public.

Thursday Thirteen #35: Love or hate?

I haven’t done a Thursday Thirteen in a long time — just got too busy — but an idea for one came to me a little while ago when I put a smiley face in a comment and then remembered some people didn’t like them. That led me to a series of things to ask about: do you love or hate these things? Why?

I’ll give my answers in the first comment.

Love or hate?

1. Emoticons 🙂 😦 😳 🙄

2. Music on blogs

3. Ads on blogs

4. Mornings

5. Chocolate

6. Miracle Whip

7. Classical music

8. Pickles

9. Road trips

10. Accordions

11. News about celebrities

12. Election years

13. Bugs

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Booking Through Thursday: Live and In Person

btt2.jpg The Booking Through Thursday question for this week is:

  • Have you ever met one of your favorite authors? Gotten their autograph?
  • How about an author you felt only so-so about, but got their autograph anyway? Like, say, at a book-signing a friend dragged you to?
  • How about stumbling across a book signing or reading and being so captivated, you bought the book?

I know this must sound strange, but I have always felt funny about getting an author’s autograph. I just feel awkward about it. Then I always wrestle with what to say. And I don’t want to stand in a long line. I’ve only gotten one author’s autograph, and that was Elisabeth Elliot’s. I’ve read most of her books and heard her speak at least a couple of times. One of those times I did stand in line to get her autograph. As she took my book and I glanced at the table stacked with her books, I said, “How do you find time to write all those books?” (How lame is that?) She said, “You don’t find time; you make time.” And that was my big moment with Elisabeth Elliot. 🙂

Our local Christian bookstore has fairly frequent author events, from panel discussions with Q&A afterward to book signings. So at those events I have heard speak Terri Blackstock, Beverly Lewis, Karen Kingsbury, Tracie Peterson, Ted Dekker, Lisa Welchel, and a few more I’m forgetting. Those events were a lot of fun and I enjoyed hearing and seeing the authors, but I’ve never mustered the courage to stand in line and meet them. I always wrestle with what to say. “I really liked your book” sounds so lame, though I imagine authors love to hear it. Then what do you say if you didn’t like it, or did but had a few “issues” with it? (Sometimes I think too much!) I do think a book signing with a line of people behind you is not the place to have an in-depth discussion, issues or not.

By the way, those events are great marketing tools (hint to bookstore owners. 🙂 ) I’ve gone to see an author I liked and ended up buying books by another author who was there that I had never heard of before.

Updated to add: I just remembered meeting one more! Bill Myers came to my son’s school to speak a few years back. My youngest son loved his Agent Dingeldorf series then and brought them to be autographed. Parents were invited to the event but I think I may have been the only one to come. I came into the auditorium early and sat in the back to be out of the way when students came in. He came in and chatted here and there with people who came in, and he came back and asked me who I was. I answered “A parent.” (Duh. I am such a brilliant conversationalist!) We talked for just a few minutes, but I don’t remember about what. I enjoyed hearing his presentation to the students.

Other than that the only author I’ve “met” was one just inside Barnes and Noble trying to have a book signing, but no one was there. He was greeting people as they came in and telling generally what his book was about. That was really awkward! I kind of felt sorry for him. I don’t remember his name or his book. It probably would have been nice to have stopped and talked with him a bit, but I had planned to only dash in and out that day and my mind was on what I needed to do.

So….what would you say if you met a favorite author?

Works-For-Me Wednesday: Sometimes it’s best to leave children alone

wfmwheader_4.jpgI want to be cautious with the thoughts I wanted to share today, because they could so easily be misunderstood.

The Bible teaches it is the parents’ responsibility to train their children. Deuteronomy 6 speaks of teaching the word and ways of the Lord; many verses in Proverbs give instructions about discipline; Ephesians 6:4 tells parents to bring children up “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord,” and there are other passages as well. Usually, especially in this day and time, if parents make errors in discipline it’s along the lines of not disciplining or training enough, at least in my own experience of 23 years as a parent and what I have seen in others, especially in the trends over the last 30 years. (I do want to write a post about that some day. I know I’ve said that before — I even started to one day but realizedI needed to wait until I had time to deal with it as carefully and thoughtfully as possible.)

But sometimes conscientious parents (and teachers) err on the other side of the scale, that of disciplining too much, of nagging a child constantly, of seeing every little thing as A Really Big Deal and a Major Character Issue. The same verse in Ephesians that tells us to bring children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord tells us not to provoke them to wrath. That doesn’t mean that our training will never make a child angry — most anyone will deal with some anger when not getting his or her way. But sometimes our parenting style in itself can result in an angry child rather than a godly, obedient one, or lead to discouragement, rigidity, an over-nervousness, or even outright rebellion in children.

This concept of over-disciplining first dawned on me when I read an excellent book several years ago titled Hints On Child Training by Henry Clay Trumbull, who wrote it 1890 when he was 66 years old. Mr. Trumbull is known as a pioneer of the Sunday School movement and is an ancestor (great-grandfather, I believe) of Elisabeth Elliot. Here are just a few excerpts from the chapter “Letting Alone as a Means of Child Training.”

Not doing is always as important, in its time and place, as doing; and this truth is as applicable in the realm of child training as elsewhere. Child training is a necessity, but there is danger of overdoing in the line of child training. The neglect of child training is a great evil. Overdoing in the training of a child may be a greater evil. Both evils ought to be avoided…

Peculiarly is it the case that young parents who are exceptionally conscientious, and exceptionally desirous of being wise and faithful in the discharge of their parental duties, are liable to err in the direction of overdoing in the training of their children. It is not that they are lacking in love and tenderness toward their little ones, or that they are naturally inclined to severity as disciplinarian; but it is that their mistaken view of the methods and limitations of wise child training impels them to an injudicious course of watchful strictness with their children, even while that course runs counter to their affections and desires as parents….

There are many parents who seem to suppose that their chief work in the training of a child is to be incessantly commanding and prohibiting; telling the child to do this or to do that, and not to do this, that, or the other. But this nagging a child is not training a child; on the contrary, it is destructive of all training on the part of him who is addicted to it. It is not the driver who is training a horse, but one who is neither trained nor can train, who is all the time “yanking” at the reins, or “thrapping” them up or down. Neither parent or driver, in such a case, can do as much in the direction of training by doing incessantly, as by letting alone judiciously. “Don’t always be don’t-ing” is a bit of counsel to parents that can hardly be emphasized to strongly. Don’t always be directing, is a companion precept to this…

Of course, there must be explicit commanding and explicit prohibiting in the process of child training; but there must also be a large measure of wise letting alone. When to prohibit and when to command, in this process, are questions that demand wisdom, thought, and character; and more wisdom, more thought, and more character, are needful in deciding the question when to let the child alone. The training of a child must go on incessantly; but a large share of the time it will best go on by the operation of influences, inspirations, and inducements, in the direction of a right standard held persistently before the child, without anything being said on the subject to the child at every step in his course of progress.

Thank God we can ask Him for wisdom: we surely need it!

This post is already too long, but a couple more thoughts I wanted to share are these: one of those times when it’s possible to overdo discipline is when we mistake a child’s immaturity and childishness for a discipline problem. Also, though we know our children are sinners and need correcting and training, a watching-like-a-hawk expectancy, just waiting for them to take a wrong step, can be very discouraging to them. Once when I was in college, one of the rules was that girls could not walk alone on certain areas of campus after dark, for safety reasons. I was coming from the bookstore or snack shop one night, looking for someone to walk to another area of campus with, when I spied my dormitory supervisor heading the way I needed to go. As I came down the steps to ask her if I could walk with her, she said, “You’d better not be about to walk away from here alone.” I can’t tell you how deflating and discouraging that was, to be trying to do the right thing and to feel smacked down, as it were, by someone’s expectation (with no good reason) that I was going to do the wrong thing. Yet we can take that same attitude with our children sometimes. We need wisdom and grace and the attitude of coming alongside them to encourage them to do right rather than standing over them with a stick just waiting for them to step out of line so we can correct them. I think if we meditate on how our heavenly Father handles us, that will go a long way in balancing discipline and grace in our parenting (or teaching or employing).

By the way, the book I mentioned is an excellent resource. Looking through it today made me want to read it all over again. A few other chapters are “Denying a Child Wisely,” “Training a Child to Self-Control,” “Training a Child Not to Tease,” “Training a Child’s Faith,” “Scolding Is Never in Order,” “Dealing Tenderly With a Child’s Fears.” Two of my other favorite books on parenting are James Dobson’s Dare to Discipline and Elisabeth Elliot’s The Shaping of a Christian Family.

For more Works For Me Wednesday tips, see Rocks In My Dryer.