Category Archives: Christian Womanhood

Book Review: Feminine Appeal

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Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney came about when several people heard her teach through Titus 2 and urged her to put her talks into book form.

In the first chapter she shares her early wife and mothering years of wishing she had someone to come alongside and teach, guide, ask questions of, etc., and then explains that’s exactly what Titus 2 calls us to do.

I appreciate that instead of pulling these verses out to stand on their own, she brings out them out in the context of the rest of the chapter. The purposes for godly women mentoring younger women goes beyond our individual homes and families: the larger purpose is that such teaching “becomes” (KJV) or “accords with” (ESV) “sound doctrine” (verse 1), “that the word of God be not blasphemed” (verse 5), “that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you”, (verse 8), and “that they may adorn the doctrine of God our Saviour in all things” (verse 10). She explains that “To ‘adorn’ means to put something beautiful or attractive on display — like placing a flawless gemstone in a setting that uniquely shows off its brilliance” (p. 27). By our actions and conduct, even how we minster to our homes and families, we can display the gospel of Christ.

She then delineates the teaching of Titus 2:3-5 into seven virtues, giving each of them their own chapter:

  • The Delight of Loving My Husband
  • The Blessings of Loving My Children
  • The Safety of Self-Control
  • The Pleasure of Purity
  • The Honor of Working at Home
  • The Rewards of Kindness
  • The Beauty of Submission

Though much of the book is directed to married women, Carolyn encourages single women to read along, too, both because much of this instruction is to all women, and because it will help prepare them if God does lead them to marriage, and it will help them as they mentor and encourage other women as well.

There was much that spoke to me in this book, but a few highlights particularly stood out. One was a reminder that “While the salvation of our children is our highest aim, our tender love is not sufficient for this task. Only the Holy Spirit is able to reveal the truth of the gospel. However, our tender love can be an instrument in God’s hands” (p. 61).

Another came from the chapter on self-control.

“Self-control doesn’t just happen. We can’t adopt the indifferent attitude ‘let go and let God’ and expect magically to become self-controlled. Self-control requires effort. However, development of this quality is not solely dependent on us. We cannot acquire this virtue by our own strength. It is only as we cooperate with the power of the Holy Spirit that we will achieve self-control, Our growth will take place as it did with Paul who said, ‘For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me’ (Col. 1:29). Notice that Paul did toil and struggle, but his effort was initiated and sustained by the Holy Spirit.”

I wrote recently about the struggle between grace and obedience, and this caps those thoughts off perfectly.

I hadn’t heard the word the KJV uses here, “sober,” interpreted as self-control before, but other versions use that word, and the original Greek word does convey that idea.

Another highlight was a quote from Dorothy Patterson’s book Where’s Mom?:

“Much of the world would agree that being a housekeeper is acceptable as long as you are not caring for your own home; treating men with attentive devotion would also be right as long as the man is the boss in the office and not your husband; caring for children would even be deemed heroic service for which presidential awards could be given as long as the children are someone else’s and not your own” (p. 102).

Absurd, isn’t it? I was thinking recently that most everyone appreciates good marriages, well-behaved polite and kind children, and walking into a well-ordered home, yet how ironic that society devalues the efforts of those dedicated to them.

Another quote from the same book says:

Homemaking — being a full-time wife and mother — is not a destructive drought of uselessness but an overflowing oasis of opportunity; it is not a dreary cell to contain one’s talents and skills but a brilliant catalyst to channel creativity and energies into meaningful work” (p. 109).

After receiving many of the truths in this book multiple times over the years through godly teaching and preaching, good books, and my own studies, there wasn’t much that was new to me here, and perhaps anticipation of that is what kept this book on my nightstand for ages before I finally determined to include it in my spring reading plans. But it’s good to remind ourselves from time to time of truths we already know. We can get discouraged in our duties or sway one way or another, pulled off-balance by differing opinions and philosophies. Reading such a book as this provides both encouragement and course correction.

Whether you need encouragement or reminding, or you’ve never received such instruction as this, or you need help knowing how to mentor others, I recommend this book to you.

(This review will also be linked to Semicolon‘s Saturday Review of Books.)

Laudable Link and Neat Videos

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I almost didn’t post today because I didn’t have many links accumulated from the week’s reading — but sometimes short and sweet is nice. 🙂

Forgiveness For Moms Who Fail, which would be…all of us.

This is sooo funny — a dog trying to get a statue to play fetch. Poor doggie!

And this is just amazing: a young man with several disabilities but amazing talent on the piano:

Hope you have a great Saturday! I’m looking forward to getting my boy back today.

Submission in Christian Marriage

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Since e-Mom announced last Friday that the topic for her Marriage Monday this week was “Submission in Christian Marriage,” it’s been in the back of my mind, but I haven’t had the kind of time needed to write that kind of post til this morning.

The concept (command, really) that Christian wives are supposed to be submissive to their husbands comes primarily from a couple of passages, both sections involving instruction to the family. Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” and Colossians 3:18 says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.”

This command has been challenged in recent years by the thought that the Bible teaches a mutual submission in the preceding verse in the Ephesians passage, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” But the following verses 22-24 go on to say, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing,” so wives submitting to their husbands is a step beyond the mutual submission in verse 21. That mutual submission is part of the outflow of being filled with the Spirit in verse 18 (more on that in a moment) and applies to the whole church, but that principle of mutual submission certainly applies in marriage as well. Yet it doesn’t nullify the particular submission a wife is to show to her husband in verses 22-24. The next part of the passage instructs a husband to love his wife as himself as Christ loved the church (v. 25) and as himself (v. 33). I think a couple of ways that mutual submission applies in marriage is that neither partner is an independent agent, and neither is to be tyrannical or selfish. All of the Biblical instruction about how Christians are to love and treat each other in general applies to each partner within marriage as well.

The Greek word for “submit” in all the passages mentioned here is from a Greek word transliterated as “hupotasso” and is defined by this site as:

to arrange under, to subordinate
to subject, put in subjection
to subject one’s self, obey
to submit to one’s control
to yield to one’s admonition or advice
to obey, be subject

A Greek military term meaning “to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader”. In non-military use,it was “a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden”.

So this goes far beyond the idea that submission just means that when push comes to shove, the husband has the final say (there shouldn’t be any pushing or shoving physically or verbally). We’re to “arrange ourselves under” our husband’s leadership just as the church should arrange itself under Christ’s leadership.

This doesn’t mean that the husband is a tyrant — his leadership should be as loving as Christ’s. Nor does it mean that the wife is a doormat, because the church certainly isn’t portrayed that way under Christ.

It also doesn’t mean the wife never shares her opinion, though of course she should do so in a kindly way. The Bible says that the two different people in a marriage become one. Neither eclipses the other: they somehow meld into a new unit.

But it does mean that the husband is the leader, the head. That can rankle modern, independent women. But Chrysalis portrayed the beauty of ice skating couples, the man leading, the woman following, both submitting to each other. The same is true in dance as well as business and even Star Trek. 🙂 I remember noticing during episode one episode the many times a captain had to ask or tell someone to do something. If each of those people challenged his authority, they’d have been defeated by the enemy within the first few episodes. When authority and submission work together like they are supposed to, it’s a beautiful thing.

I think many women have a few particular fears about submission.

One is that they might lose their own voice. But even Christ values the prayers of His bride. That’s a little different — we don’t (or shouldn’t) give Him suggestions about how to run the universe. 🙂 But He does welcome our requests and communication.

But the second fear is that, since our husbands aren’t Christ, they might fail, they might lead the wrong way. And indeed they might. They’re only human, and we need to be as loving and forgiving as we want them to be when we fail. It takes great faith to be truly submissive. When we are concerned about the direction our husband’s leadership is taking the family, we can express our concerns (though we shouldn’t nag or demean or berate), but ultimately we should ask the Lord to guide our husbands in the way they should go. I’ve relied heavily on Psalm 37:23a (“The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD”) and Jeremiah 10:23 (“O LORD, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps”) through many of the major decisions we have faced through the years and prayed for the Lord to guide and direct my husband in the way He wanted him to go.

The third fear is that it is somehow demeaning to be in submission to someone else. But Jesus was not demeaned by being under the headship of His Father. They are co-equal. That word hupotasso is even used when Jesus went home from the temple with Mary and Joseph and “was subject unto them” (Luke 2:51). He was the Son of the Highest, yet He subjected Himself while on earth to his earthly parents.

Sometimes wives feel that if they don’t think their husbands are loving them as Christ loved the church, as the husbands are commanded to do, then the wife isn’t under obligation to submit to her husband. Some years ago when I was a new Christian chafing under the things going on in my unsaved home as I was growing up, I came across the instruction later in Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3 to children to obey their parents. It struck me then that there were no qualifications on that instruction. The Bible didn’t say I was to obey my parents only if they were Christians or if they were doing everything right. It just said “obey.” The example of Jesus as a boy obeying His earthly parents, even though I am sure they didn’t always do everything right, was a help. So it is in the marriage relationship. Ideally these things are to work together: when a husband lovingly leads and loves his wife, it’s easier for her to submit to him; when she is lovingly submitting rather than fighting against him, it’s easier for him to lovingly lead. But we’re each responsible before God to do our part whether the other does or not. I Peter 3: 1-2 says, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection [hupotasso again]to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;  While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”

Such a command seems beyond us. I mentioned earlier that the Ephesians 5-6 instruction flows out of the command to be filled with the Holy Spirit in Ephesians 5:18; similarly, the verses about family relationships in Colossians 3 come after instruction to “seek those things which are above (verse 1), to put on certain characteristics (verses 12-15), to “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom” (verse 16), and to “whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him” (verse 17). It’s only as we’re rightly related to God, spending time in His Word, being filled with His Spirit, doing everything as unto Him and by His grace that we can be what we need to be in our marriages and homes.

This post will be also linked to “Works For Me Wednesday,” where you can find an abundance of helpful hints each week at We Are THAT family on Wednesdays, as well as  Women Living Well.

Women in Ministry

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Over the years I’ve written a number of posts about women ministering: Church Ladies Groups,  Mentoring Women, Why Older Women Don’t Serve and Ways Older Women Can Serve. But I’ve skirted around the issue of women preachers and pastors. I think partly I just wasn’t ready to get into the controversy, and also I know some of my online friends are of a different opinion about this issue. But I think the time has come. I do think this is something we can disagree on and still be friends. I hope you feel the same way.

I do want to be very careful in my tone. I actually began this post in early January and amended it as I’ve thought and studied and prayed over it. Some of these thoughts have been incubating for years and I am just now putting them down, but I didn’t want this particular post to be “off the cuff.” I’ve seen harshness, scoffing, sarcasm, derision and false accusations about motives from both sides of this issue. I’m all for discussing differences of opinion, but I hope we can keep it gracious.

I believe a woman should not pastor or preach to men for the following reasons:

1. Explicit statements of Scripture

I Timothy 2:11-12 says, “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.  But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.”

I Corinthians 14:34-35: Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law.  And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

These passages are the main crux of the matter. I’ve never heard these verses adequately argued away. A former pastor once said that any interpretation of Scripture that leaves different passages in contradiction to each other is wrong: they’re to harmonize with each other. But usually what happens when there is a seeming contradiction is that people take one side or the other.

I’ve heard these statements brushed off as cultural. One women ventured that women had not been allowed in services before this time, and they were so excited and chatty that Paul had to tell them to be quiet. But Paul goes on to explain his reasoning in I Timothy 2:13-14, and it doesn’t have anything to do with the culture of the times. Even if it were a cultural issue, the Holy Spirit did not waste space in the Bible. Of all the things that could have been written, He chose what material to share. When a cultural issue is mentioned in the Bible that we don’t deal with today, like the matter of meat offered to idols, there are still principles we’re to draw from it. We don’t pass over any Scripture as worthy of being ignored because it was “just cultural.”

I don’t think these verses mean that a woman is not to open her mouth to say anything from the moment she steps into the church til the moment she leaves. I don’t know anyone who takes that extreme a view. I Corinthians 11:5 speaks of a woman not praying or prophesying at church without her head covered, so obviously women did speak in church sometimes. There were women prophets in the Bible. But the context of the of the I Cor. 14 passage above was both speaking in tongues and prophesying. Did women prophets prophesy away from church, or only to women? I don’t know. But it was evidently not considered the same as teaching and not viewed as usurping authority. And then you have the whole issue of whether prophecy, or at least a certain type of prophecy, is a spiritual gift that was exercised in the first century but which was done away once the full Bible came into being, but that’s a whole ‘nuther can of worms. But the fact that I Cor. 11 says the woman should have her head covered when she prophesies and I Cor. 14 that says she shouldn’t prophesy in the public assembly leads me to believe there were two different types of prophesy. I’m of the opinion that there was one kind of prophecy (which I Corinthians 14 does forbid women to engage in in church, along with speaking and interpreting tongues), but there is a general type of prophecy that’s just “forthtelling,” not new revelation, but something else. In I Chronicles 25:1, David separated certain men out to “prophesy with harps, with psalteries, and with cymbals.” I don’t think that means prophetic utterances were accompanied by music: I think that means music is one form of expressing God’s truth.

But whatever exactly prophecy is,  these passages makes it pretty clear that women aren’t meant to preach or teach Scriptural truth to men in an authoritative manner in a church setting.

2. Biblical example.

With the exception of the prophetesses, you don’t see women teaching, preaching, or being ordained in the Bible. You also don’t see any of the passages of instruction specifically to or about women mentioning them in this role.

Over the years I’ve seen a number of objections to the view that women can’t teach or preach, I’ll go over just a few of them.

“Aren’t those passages just Paul’s opinions?” There are places Paul says that what he is sharing is his own personal opinion or application, but these aren’t among them, therefore we must take them as inspired by God.

“If women aren’t allowed to preach, that makes them feel like second-class Christians.” It shouldn’t. This is one of the most erroneous assumptions. A person under authority is not inferior to a person in authority. Jesus was in submission to God the Father, yet they were equals. David was not a second-class citizen to Solomon when God chose Solomon to build the tabernacle and not David. The rest of Israel was not inferior to the Levites since the Levites were the only ones who could minister in the temple and tabernacle.  It’s a matter of function, responsibility, and God’s will and calling. And Biblical limitations aren’t in place to make us feel bad. Both men and women had various limitations set on them throughout the Bible. Elisabeth Elliot said limitations help define ministry.

“Some women are gifted to teach.” Yes, they are. I’ve been blessed to read and listen to many of them. But that doesn’t mean they’re meant to teach men.

“If I desire to be a pastor or Bible teacher, doesn’t that mean God is leading me to do so?” Desires can be indicators of the Lord’s will, but they’re not fool-proof. David desired to build a temple, but it was not God’s will for him. Moses desired to go to the promised land, but God said no. Paul desired to be healed of his thorn in the flesh, but God said no.

“What about women teaching men in college classes or being supervisors over men at work?” The passages in question are talking about spiritual authority in the assembly of believers. I don’t see a problem with a woman teaching men math or English or being a man’s supervisor on a secular job.

“Mary was given a message to give to Peter and the disciples after the resurrection.” Yes, but that was hardly a sermon or a teaching situation, nor even an authority issue.

“What if a woman teaches in a book or online and a man sees it? Or what if she’s speaking and there is a male overseeing the sound system?” If her intended audience is not adult men, I don’t think she has to worry about whether one overhears or happens upon what she says. God recorded Mary’s Magnificat and men have learned from it and preached from it, but as far as she knew she was only speaking to God and Elisabeth at the time. God also recorded Hannah’s prayer in I Samuel 2, but as far as we know she was only speaking to Him. Lemuel’s mother’s instruction was preserved in Proverbs 31, but it seems she had given it directly to him. These passages are not saying that a man can never learn or benefit from a woman’s words, just that she is not to express them in a position of authority over him or as if she were teaching him.

“What about Priscilla and Aquilla, who took Apollos in and ‘and expounded unto him the way of God more perfectly’?” Priscilla wasn’t acting independently of her husband, and talking over the kitchen table or in the living room (which is how I picture this scenario) is a different thing than leading a Bible study or preaching in church.

“What about single women on the mission field?” That’s a thorny issue I don’t have all the answers to. The single female missionaries I’ve known have ceded authority to the national males as soon as possible.

“What about Deborah?” Deborah’s judgeship occurred before this was clearly written in the NT, and she was not in a NT church. Though a judge is a position of authority, it’s different from teaching and preaching. It’s clear that the main authority structure was male.

“Galatians 3:28 teaches that ‘There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus,’ so there are no distinctions.” Obviously this verse doesn’t remove every difference between any of these groups, because Paul writes in other places specifically to men, women, Jews, slaves, masters, etc. about their unique roles. The context shows that this is speaking of our standing before Christ. We all come to Him the same way (v. 26) and are one body.

Sometimes I wonder if, like Eve, who could have eaten from any tree of the garden of Eden but fixated on the one she was not supposed to have, some women are discontent with the multitude of things women can do and fixate on the one thing they’re not supposed to. Someone shared with me a statistic that 80% of the world’s population is women and children. I haven’t been able to find that online, but it does seem to me we have an ample mission field and more than enough to do.

Here are some of the ways we see New Testament women ministering:

“And certain women, which had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities, Mary called Magdalene, out of whom went seven devils,  And Joanna the wife of Chuza Herod’s steward, and Susanna, and many others, which ministered unto him of their substance” (Luke 8:2-3).

“And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellowlabourers, whose names are in the book of life” (Philippians 2:3) (Some have claimed this as a passage one promoting women pastors/teachers, but “laboring in the gospel” is not confined to those offices.)

“Now there was at Joppa a certain disciple named Tabitha, which by interpretation is called Dorcas: this woman was full of good works and almsdeeds which she did…Then Peter arose and went with them. When he was come, they brought him into the upper chamber: and all the widows stood by him weeping, and shewing the coats and garments which Dorcas made, while she was with them” (Acts 9: 36,39).

“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;  That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,  To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed” (Titus 2:3-5).

“And he began to speak boldly in the synagogue: whom when Aquila and Priscilla had heard, they took him unto them, and expounded unto him the way of God more perfectly” (Acts 18:26).

“I commend unto you Phebe our sister, which is a servant of the church which is at Cenchrea:  That ye receive her in the Lord, as becometh saints, and that ye assist her in whatsoever business she hath need of you: for she hath been a succourer of many, and of myself also” Romans 16:1-2).

“Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints’ feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work” (I Timothy 5:10).

“And she [Anna] was a widow of about fourscore and four years, which departed not from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day. And she coming in that instant gave thanks likewise unto the Lord, and spake of him to all them that looked for redemption in Jerusalem” (Luke 2:37-38).

“These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication, with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brethren” (Acts 1:14).

“In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;  But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works” (I Timothy 2:9-10).

There may be other ways I am not thinking of right now, and things like “good works” can be expanded on beyond some of the specific mentions here (for instance, many churches have ladies who coordinate meals for those who are sick, or have some kind of women’s missionary group, or send care packages to college students, etc.). But even if one were to quibble about the meaning of the verses discussing women teachers, it’s clear from Biblical example that by and large, women ministered in various other ways and that their teaching was primarily to women.

I did hear that one preacher taught that women should only teach even women the things mentioned in Titus 2:3-5 and not doctrine, but I have not heard of anyone else who takes that view. All of those traits are based on doctrine. Teaching a woman to be chaste, for example, is based on God’s holiness and our reflection of Him.

One of the things that concerns me most in this debate is the tone on both sides. I think, I hope, anyway, that we can concede that those on both sides of the issue truly want to seek God’s will in the matter even if we come out with different conclusions. Those who feel women aren’t to preach or exercise spiritual authority over men are primarily motivated by the verses mentioned at the beginning and a desire to make sure everything we do is in accord with Scripture, not by a desire to put women down. I’ve seen some awful accusations that are just unfounded but are expressed with sarcasm and condescension. If this is a limitation God has put in place, then we need to take it as from Him and serve Him in the ways He wants us to.

I welcome your comments but I do ask you to keep them gracious and respectful, not only to me, but also to other commenters.

Happy Housewife Day!

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Who knew we had our own day? I didn’t until seeing that e-Mom was giving away an apron to celebrate. I’m not an apron person, but if you are go check it out — you might win!

In looking around trying to find out more about it, it doesn’t seem to be a national holiday and no one seems to know who started it. But, hey, it’s a worthy day! Give yourselves a pat on the back!

I prefer “homemaker” to “housewife” because I am not married to my house, and I am trying to create a peaceable. welcoming home.

Last year I came across this poem on someone’s blog, but they seem to have taken down all their posts, so I won’t link back to it. But it spoke to me:

My Work 

by Mary Lou Burkholder 

I have the greatest work in the world;
The job of rocking a baby to sleep,
That of guiding his tottering feet,
A baby’s clothes to launder and fold,
A precious life to shape and mold,
A drink to give from a little cup,
At night his toys to gather up,
Hurts to heal and fears to quell,
A baby to keep clean and well,
A stack of diapers to put,
Oh, what a happy worthwhile day!
I am a “Mother.”

I have the greatest work in to world;
A husband to encourage when things go wrong,
When he comes from work to greet with a song,
Denims and shirts to wash and mend,
A helping hand, when needed, to lend,
Three times a day his meals to cook,
To strive to be my best to look,
His back to rub at the close of the day,
For his faithfulness to God I pray,
When hubby’s in the field I take lemonade,
for all these tasks his love has paid.
I am a ” Wife.” 

I have the greatest work in the world;
A home to keep happy, clean and bright,
Make things go smooth and strive for the right,
Jams to cook and jellies to make,
Cookies and pies and bread to bake,
Washing, ironing, and sewing to do,
So many tasks, will I ever get though?
Lettuce to wash and peas to pick,
floors to scrub, lost items to seek,
Dishes to wash and windows to shine,
These and many more tasks are mine.
I am a “Homemaker.”

Help me, Father, to faithfully work,
Forgive if I unconsciously shirk,
give me the patience and love I pray,
To keep myself in duty’s way;
With all the hustle that each day brings
May I not neglect the needed things;
Each day to spend time alone with Thee
That Jesus Christ be seen in me.
Thank you for husband, our home, our girls and boys;
Thank you for love which brings me much joy.

 Thank you , Lord.

Here are a few things I’ve written in the past, if you want some musing on homemaking today:

Encouragement for homemakers.

Wanting things to be “perfect.”

I confess: I don’t really like to cook.

A Real Home.

A Homemaking Meme.

Another homemaking meme.

A prayer for home.

Two views of housework.

Meditations for daily tasks.

Thy list be done.

(Photo borrowed from Susannah’s Kitchen.)

 

 

Can frugality go too far?

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Frugality is a good thing. We’re supposed to be good stewards of the things God has entrusted us with. We’re supposed to exercise self-control, reduce, reuse, recycle, save, watch for bargains, etc. But is it ever possible to be too frugal? Are there any downsides to frugality?

I believe so. I want to share a few excesses or misapplications of frugality. Of course, not every frugal person manifests all of these traits, or any of them, necessarily. But these are things I have seen in real-life people and situations that we need to watch out for in our own hearts and lives.

1. Pride

There is nothing wrong with a sense of joy and satisfaction when we’ve found a great deal. There is nothing wrong with putting frugal practices into place as we feel led. But it can be easy to look with condescension or even scorn on others who don’t follow the same practices. One of the hardest things in the Christian life is to deal with the fact that not everyone feels led to the same place we feel the Lord has led us to in various aspects of life.

Once I was at a friend’s house when she invited me for lunch. She began making macaroni and cheese from scratch, and I was amazed that she would go to such trouble when the boxed varieties were less than a quarter back then. She responded that she usually had all the ingredients on hand and she didn’t consider it any trouble. Yet when we talked about spaghetti sauce, she admitted that she used the kind in a jar because she felt it was too much trouble to make from scratch, while I made spaghetti sauce from scratch all the time and didn’t consider it any trouble at all. I was relating this to a mutual friend and commented on how funny it was that different things were considered “trouble” by different people when this friend said, “Well, I wouldn’t use either of those!” It didn’t bother me that she didn’t use jars of spaghetti sauce or boxes of mac and cheese, but what bothered me was the condescending tone with which she said it.

Frugality does take time, either to make items from scratch or to search for deals or clip coupons or fill out rebate forms or whatever. Some people may choose to use mixes or jars occasionally as a time-saver, and if that’s okay with their families and within their budget, that’s fine. It’s not necessarily a sin to pay full retail price for items.

2. One-upmanship

This is somewhat related to the first point. Once I was showing a friend a new purse that I had found, that was the color and style I wanted with just the right little pockets, handle length, etc., and I happened upon it for $2 at a bargain table. Instead of saying anything along the lines of, “Hey what a great deal!” her response was, “I found one like that at a yard sale for fifty cents once.” It felt like a put-down. It’s normal to want to share our bargaining conquests, but when we try to outdo each other, something is wrong.

3. Lack of willingness to pay for quality

One friend who had a retail business had an interesting conversation with one her vendors one day. They both had dealings with a Christian university which had students, faculty and staff living in town. The vendor said, “Those folks recognize and want quality, but they don’t want to pay for it.” I don’t think that was necessarily a good testimony. Other people need to make money from their efforts. After all, if we were to make and sell goods or provide services, we would want, even need in most cases, to make enough money for it to be worth the materials and time involved. It’s not wrong to look for sales or deals or ask for a better offer, but, as I said above, it’s not wrong to pay full retail prices if it fits our budget and the Lord allows. There is a difference between being frugal and being cheap.

4. Obsession

Finding good bargains and saving money can bring joy and satisfaction, and once people get started on the lifestyle, frugality tends to grow. But if one’s life is so obsessed with bargain-hunting and implementing frugality that they become one-dimensional, can’t talk about anything else, or other interests or people are neglected, they may be going too far.

5. Hoarding

I know a dear older lady who grew up in the Depression and WWII era. She learned frugality and “doing without” as a lifestyle. She never put great stock in having a lot of things or having nice things, but she can rarely let go of what she does have for fear that she might need it some day. Her home is overflowing with things that are falling apart, outdated, or unneeded, but she can’t let them go. She can’t even be motivated by the thought that the things in good condition that she doesn’t use (and hasn’t in 40 years) could be sold or given away and become a blessing to someone else.

You know, you don’t have to be rich or have a lot to be materialistic. An over-preoccupation with the meager “things” you do have can be just as materialistic a mind-set.

6. Excess

Many coupons or specials require the user to buy multiple items in order to redeem the coupon, and some keep a few shelves for the “extras” or donate them to missions closets or rescue missions. But I’ve heard of people having whole rooms for such extras. Is that really necessary? Must we have 3 to 5 or more bottles of shampoo, deodorant, or whatever on hand? One lady I knew kept buying and then getting free an excess of hair care products and then had a hard time finding someone to give them to, and I thought, “You don’t have to buy them just because there is a deal on them.”

7. Shady practices

Sometimes this excessiveness can lead to less than noble practices, to put it mildly, or outright wrongdoing. Ann recently wrote about seeing a TV program where people with more coupons than the store allowed at a time went back to the store ten times for ten different transactions so they could use all the coupons, getting about a thousand dollars worth of groceries for about $20. That might sound great like a great deal, a super conquest, but how many stores could handle it if several customers did that? I can remember the days when stores had no restrictions on how many coupons could be doubled or the amount that could be doubled, but when articles started coming out about how shoppers could buy groceries for just a few dollars, or even get money back, then manufacturers and stores had to start adding restrictions lest they go out of business. So those few excessive couponers negatively impacted other shoppers, when these restrictions might not have been put in place if everyone had kept in moderation.

In another vein, this sentence jumped out at me in the biography Goforth of China by Rosalind Goforth: “”Graft, sweating of the poor (fed by women’s thirst for bargains) were horrors of cruelty to him that must be and were denounced” (p. 154).

8. Leaving some for others

Something else to think about when buying more than we need is the principle in the Old Testament of leaving something in the fields for poorer people to glean (Leviticus19:9-10). You might think with all that the Bible teaches about industry and diligence and hard work that God would want people to be careful to pick every possible piece of fruit off the vine. But He wanted people to leave some for others. We need to think about that before we buy an excess of items because they’re on sale: if the first twenty shoppers did that, would there be any left for anyone else? I don’t think this principle means that if the toy we want to buy our child for Christmas is the last one on the shelf, we should leave it for someone else. We have to keep all these things in balance. But perhaps we don’t need to buy twenty cans of pumpkin on sale if we’re just going to make a couple of pies and a few batches of bread or muffins with it over the winter.

I’ve also wrestled with this in regard to thrift stores. I feel I am supporting the charity that operates the thrift store when I buy something there, but I’ve wondered if I am taking something from someone else who couldn’t buy it anywhere else. I’m still pondering this one.

9. Time factors

As I mentioned before, most frugal practices do take time. There are some situations in life where there is really no choice: for various reasons there is a lack of income and time must be spent looking for ways to save money, even if those ways cost more time. But sometimes time itself can be put to better use than spending most of the day dragging children to five different stores, spending hours making something that would have been less of an investment to buy, spending time scouting online frugality sites when that time might be better spent in other pursuits, etc.

10. Impact on others

I was in a home once where I felt hampered by the hostess’s ultra-frugality, though she had the best of intentions. If I threw a paper plate in the trash, she got it out (sometimes seconds after it left my hand) to put it in the fireplace (where it burned in seconds, not really providing any long-lasting fuel). If I started to throw away a bit of food my child didn’t eat, she’d say, “No, don’t do that: save it for the dog.” I felt like I was constantly doing things “wrong.” Maybe your family (or guests!) would like you just to relax sometimes rather than feeling you’re constantly hounding them, or spend time with them rather than spending Saturdays scouting yard sales. Maybe they’d rather you didn’t buy three boxes of cereal they’re not crazy about (or like, but would also like some variety) because it was a good deal.

11. Neglect

If we neglect buying something we really need or avoid going to the doctor when sick because we don’t want to spend the money, we may be carrying frugality too far. There is a difference between not being able to do these things financially and not doing them just because we don’t want to. Good health is a good investment.

12. Health and sanitation

Even canned goods have an expiration date on them (another reason not to store an excess of them), and sometimes it’s best to throw away questionable leftovers than eat them. I’ve been sorely convicted by Proverbs 12:27 while throwing out food: “The slothful man roasteth not that which he took in hunting: but the substance of a diligent man is precious.” I need to do much better to be diligent to use my “substance,” but if it does spoil, I shouldn’t use it just because I don’t want to throw it out. Once a dear lady pulled out some leftover corn from the refrigerator, remarked that it didn’t look very good, and then, instead of throwing it out, added more fresh corn to it. I was less than excited to eat that meal!

I’m sharing the following not to disparage my mother-in-law, but to help others understand how older people’s thought processes can work. My mother-in-law grew up in an era where you rarely if ever threw anything away. Now in her old age when she doesn’t always think clearly, she wants to reuse straws. We use bendy straws to make it easier for her to handle, and she’ll take them out of her glass when she’s done and put them on her end table. The next time we get her something to drink, she’ll want us to reuse those straws rather than get a new one – even if that straw has been sitting there long enough to have dried milk globules in it. I don’t know if she could get sick from drinking through a used straw, but I don’t want to take the chance. She fusses at me for throwing them away, but I tell her teasingly she’s not so poor that she has to reuse straws (and I try to throw them away when she’s not looking so it doesn’t disturb her.)

13. Lack of faith.

Frugal practices can be a good investment in wise stewardship. But if it is causing any of the above problems, yet the one involved feels she can’t possibly scale back, it might be evidence of not trusting the Lord for His provision.

I know a dear younger lady who is trying very hard to be as frugal as possible because her husband is in a ministry that isn’t able to pay much, and she wants to stay home with her children rather than work outside the home. That is commendable and I applaud that. Yet she is so frantic about it that it seems a constant source of worry and consternation to her. She reads a number of frugality sites, always feeling like a failure because there is more she feels she should be doing. But there is so much information online about this kind of thing now, we can’t possibly do everything recommended, go to every store, find every deal, and then beat ourselves up if we paid for something and then found a better price elsewhere. It’s a miserable way to live. We really need to seek the Lord for what practices He would have us employ and remember that ultimately our provision is from Him.

One former pastor used to say that for every strength there is an off-setting weakness. Couponing, yard-saling, thrifting. repurposing and other frugal practices are good and effective, and most of us should probably work on being more frugal. But like anything else, if done to excess or in the wrong spirit it can lead to other problems. We need to remember to do unto others what we’d have them do for us if we had a business. We need to work hard yet trust God and keep all of these principles in balance. In an excellent post about frugality, Tim Challies sums up:

I guess the long and short is that money can be as big an idol when you seek not to spend it as it can when you do nothing but spend it. Frugality in and of itself must not be an end in itself but must be a means to a greater end of bringing glory to God and of serving others. Ever and always it is a matter of the heart.

(Graphic is courtesy of Microsoft Office clip art.)

This post will be also linked to “Works For Me Wednesday,” where you can find an abundance of helpful hints each week at We Are THAT family on Wednesdays, as well as  Women Living Well.

How Older Women Can Serve

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I wrote a post a few weeks ago about Why Older Women Don’t Serve at church in an in-front-of-people way or a “take charge of big things like VBS” way. But even though older women may have physical issues and may not have the energy to serve in certain ways doesn’t mean they should not serve at all. Psalm 92:14a says, “They shall still bring forth fruit in old age.” God has given to every member of His body gifts to exercise. Older women are given a specific assignment in Titus 2:3-5.

If you’re “older” and can still coordinate the ladies’ group or cook for 200 members for a banquet or teach active five-year-olds in Sunday School, go for it! A friend of mine had an aunt who still delivered Meals on Wheels at 92. But if you’re not quite up to that, here are a few other ideas of ways you can serve:

1. Prayer. You may not have the energy to “go” and “do” a lot, but you might have more time than others to pray. There is a lot to pray for: your pastor, church, missionaries, young people seeking God’s will for their lives, adjustments for newlyweds, harried moms with young children, older moms in the “taxi years” taking their kids hither and yon, moms facing the empty nest, single ladies at any stage…there is enough to keep any of us busy praying for much longer than we do. This doesn’t mean we necessarily need to spend hours on our knees: we can pray while cleaning the kitchen, driving, resting, etc.

I can’t tell you what it meant to me when, while recovering from a serious illness, an older lady from a previous church in the town we had moved from called me to see how I was doing and to tell me she was praying for me. Some of my favorite missionary anecdotes involve people being prompted to pray for a certain missionary at a certain time, and in the days before texts and e-mails it may have been months before they knew what the specific need was, but as they and the missionary compared dates, the missionary had a specific need just when the individual was prompted to pray.

2. Show interest. As you cross paths with other ladies, ask how they’re doing. “How’s that new baby? Sleeping through the night yet?” “How did that job interview go?” “How’s Johnny liking school this year?” Just having someone take a moment to show personal interest can lift someone’s day. Watch out for new people and making them feel welcome. One lady with multiple health problems whom no one would have blamed if she stayed in bed all day instead came with her husband to every sports event, home and away, of our Christian school even though they had neither kids nor grandkids in the school. That meant a lot to those involved. Even in nursing homes and assisted living facilities, there are those who withdraw and keep to themselves and those who try to smile and brighten others’ days.

3. Word of encouragement. When you do show interest in others, you can offer words of shared joy when things are going well and words of encouragement when they’re not. One of my favorite posts of Shannon‘s was It Gets Easier for younger moms (though Shannon’s not in the category I’d generally think of as “Older Women,” we are all older than someone and can offer encouragement to those in the paths we’ve come through).

4. Offers of help. One older lady I knew would sometimes go and help a new mom after the birth of a baby when that lady’s own mother could not come, or when a pregnant lady was on bedrest. Practical help like doing dishes, laundry, tidying, making a meal can lift one’s spirits tremendously when one can’t keep up. Be alert even to little ways one can offer help: when a mom holding a baby is trying to help a toddler go potty in the ladies’ restroom at church, offer to hold the baby; when a mom is trying to coordinate a baby carrier, diaper bag, Bibles, and two preschoolers from the car to the church, ask how you can help (don’t just swoop in — the baby may cry if anyone other than mom holds her, the children may panic if you just take their hands and offer to take them in: ask, “Can I help you somehow? I’d be happy to take the baby or carry the diaper bag” or something similar.)

5. Sharing what you know. Once a lady told me she’d love to have a ladies’ meeting where someone demonstrated how to bake bread, because she couldn’t get a handle on it, and she could learn it more easily by seeing someone do it and being able to ask questions. But we couldn’t think of anyone who made their own bread. If you know how to make bread, can vegetables, knit, etc., you may or may not want to do so in a ladies’ meeting, but maybe you could invite one or two others over, or go to their houses to show them. I know one lady who went to help another younger mom harvest and put up her produce from her garden, and I know another mom who asked a retired school teacher to teach her daughters to sew, so that they could be influenced by her sweet godliness as well as being taught the basics of sewing.

6. Having one or two women over. I mentioned in the previous post a retired lady I looked up to who found various unique ways to serve. One thing she did was to have a couple of ladies at a time over to lunch at her house. She didn’t do so specifically to Try To Be a Good Influence, but people who walk with God do carry a sometimes unconscious godly influence into the lives of others.

Indwelt

Not merely in the words you say,
Not only in your deeds confessed,
But in the most unconscious way
Is Christ expressed.

Is it a beatific smile,
A holy light upon your brow;
Oh no, I felt His Presence while
You laughed just now.

For me ‘twas not the truth you taught
To you so clear, to me still dim
But when you came to me you brought
A sense of Him.

And from your eyes He beckons me,
And from your heart His love is shed,
Til I lose sight of you and see
The Christ instead.

—by A. S. Wilson

6. Visiting shut-ins. We tend to think of this with shut-ins who are alone, but when they have family nearby we assume the family is meeting all their needs and they’re well taken care of. The lady I mentioned above also brought another lady with her to visit my mother-in-law in an assisted living facility. One of us saw her every day, but it brightened her week as well as ours when these ladies came to visit her.

7. Sending notes. Or cookies. Or both. How many people send hand-written notes any more? Yet we all still love receiving them. You can brighten the day of a college student, military personnel, your pastor, or just about anyone with a little note (or even an e-mail or a Facebook post). And you may not have the stamina for a marathon cookie baking session, but maybe you could bake just a few and send a package to one person at a time.

8. Volunteer. When my dad was in the hospital, the “pink ladies” were older volunteers who kept the coffee pot going in the waiting room, stocked donuts, helped people find which way to go, and just generally made themselves available and useful. Having a sweet, friendly face in that place helped a lot. Similarly, Christian schools are having a tough time of it with decreasing enrollment, and volunteers can help provide services that the school couldn’t otherwise offer. At the Christian school my boys attended for twelve years, one older lady oversaw the library part-time while moms or sometimes grandmothers would handle each class’s library time, checking out books and reading a story to the class. Some helped with class parties, some helped sorting papers for students’ weekly folders, some helped in the lunchroom. And the students seemed to love their grandmotherly influence in the school. When I was coordinating our ladies group, sometimes when we would work on a project like cards and bookmarks for missionaries or favors for a ladies’ luncheon and wouldn’t quite get finished, ladies who took some of those things home to finish helped me tremendously.

9. Blogging. Sharing what God has taught you along the way can be a blessing to others who read.

A younger woman may be thinking, “Wow, I’d love to find an older lady to help me in some of these ways!” Pray about it and maybe take the initiative: they may be suffering from a crisis of confidence either in the loss of some of their abilities or the thought that perhaps they’re not wanted. I think many of these kinds of ministries work together: maybe as you invite someone over for coffee or ask them to show you how to do something, that can spark a relationship where some of these other things can flow.

Not everyone will be able to do all of these things, of course. Time and energy will vary from person to person. But if you’re older (in any way) and wanting to be used of the Lord but don’t know how best to serve, pray, seek His will, and start where you are with a word of kindness here, an expression of interest there, prayer here, an offer of help there. He does have work He wants you to do, and He will guide you to it and enable you to do it.

(Graphics are courtesy of Microsoft Office clip art.)

This post will be also linked to “Works For Me Wednesday,” where you can find a plethora of helpful hints each week at We Are THAT family on Wednesdays, as well as  Women Living Well.

Why Don’t Older Women Serve?

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A lady asked that question some years ago on a Christian message forum online. She was asking why older women didn’t serve within the organized church programs. I don’t remember what I answered in response then, but it is a question that has stayed with me, and I wanted to share a few thoughts.

First, I think we need to be careful of blanket statements. Maybe there truly were no older women serving at her particular church, depending on what she meant by “older,” but that’s not to say no older woman serves anywhere. I’ve known some wonderful older women serving in various capacities, even through daunting physical problems.

Secondly, not all ministry tales place within organized church programs. More on that in a moment. Christians are to live a life of ministry, but that may look different at different phases and among different personalities. There are many ways to mentor.

It is true that sometimes older people can have the mindset that, “I’ve served my time, let the younger people do it.” “Serving my time” sounds like a prison sentence, which is not the joyful service a Christian should exemplify. As “older” ladies (however you qualify that), we do need to remember that we are called to minister to others, to exercise the gifts God gave us, to live out the Biblical “one anothers,” and we’re specifically called to teach younger women certain things. God has a function for everyone in the body of Christ. There is no retirement from serving the Lord, though that service may change as life changes.

But it is true that some of those life changes may indeed affect how we serve. It may not involve standing in front of a class, leading a seminar, or any number of “public” ministries. Here are a few reasons why older women may not serve as they did in younger years:

Physical issues.

There is a wide range of what’s “normal” at various stages of aging. Many of us probably know globe-trotting octogenarians who seem as sharp mentally and almost as able physically as people half their age. But we also know people who are nearly disabled by age-related problems in their sixties.

But even beyond known physical problems, like diabetes, high blood pressure, arthritis, etc., there may be physical problems an older woman may not want to talk about, like bladder issues or a gradual loss of control of some bodily functions. Forgive me if this is too much information for some of you, but it’s a reality for many women. One dear lady in one of our former churches came to Sunday School and church, but if we tried to persuade her to come to any other kind of ladies’ meeting, she would say, “Oh, I would love to, but I have such problems with gas, I don’t dare.” We went away chuckling to ourselves, but years later when experiencing some of the same problems, it wasn’t so funny. It’s hard to stand in front of a group when you’re afraid you might have to make a mad dash to the restroom, Kegel exercises notwithstanding. I’ve wanted to tell pastors when they make comments about people sitting near the back of the church that some of us have good reasons for being there!

Menopause.

This might be considered a subset of physical issues, but it carries emotional overtones as well. Some women seem to have smooth sailing through menopausal waters while others experience severe storms, either physically or emotionally or both. For some, the years leading up to menopause can be worse than menopause itself. I could give you details…but I’ll spare you.

Diminished capacity.

As people age they generally lose a certain amount of “oomph,” physically and even emotionally. There is pressure in ministry, and some might get to a point where they can’t handle it as well as they once did. Stress can affect the physical and emotional problem mentioned earlier. A woman may feel she is too wobbly and unsteady to take care of babies in a nursery. I’ve also known women who drive less as they get older, first at night and then generally.

Family obligations.

Middle-aged women are often in that “sandwich generation” where they have a parent in declining years who needs increasing care while their children are going through their teens or college years or navigating life on their own or getting married and having babies. I know one older couple who retired partly because all of their adult married children as well as their aging parents lived in other cities, and they wanted to be able to go help their kids when new babies came and they needed to be available to go at a moment’s notice to help their parents.

One wife I knew had a husband who traveled frequently for meetings, and after the kids moved out, he wanted her to travel with him.

Serving in other ways.

One lady used to apologize to me frequently because she couldn’t come to monthly ladies’ meetings. She had an adult son who was disabled physically and mentally, a widowed mother who depended on her for almost everything that needed to be done around the house, and she seemed to be the “go-to” person for anyone in her extended family needing a baby-sitter. Her whole life was a ministry despite the fact that she couldn’t come to “official” ladies’ meetings.

Another older lady whom I’ve looked up to as an example retired from teaching in a Christian school and led a ladies’ Bible study. She did a wonderful job, but she stepped back after a year or two (I didn’t ask her reasons). But I noticed and admired many “behind the scenes” ways in which she served. She noticed a new lady sitting by herself in one church service, greeted her, and invited her to sit with her and her husband. This sparked a friendship which eventually led to both the woman and her husband becoming vital members of the church. She had ladies over to her house for lunch and fellowship, one or two at a time. She and another lady from church visited my mother-in-law and another woman in an assisted living facility almost every Friday for years. For whatever reason she did not participate in public or organized ministry programs other than teaching a children’s Sunday School class, but she had a vibrant ministry.

New opportunities.

As women face the “empty nest,” sometimes they have a new freedom (depending on their family situations, as mentioned above) since they no longer have the everyday care of their children. For some that means taking classes or traveling or doing things they haven’t been able to do for years.

The woman I mentioned in the first paragraph went on to say that she had seen some of the same women who had “dropped out” of serving go on to take craft classes and such, and it seemed to her that if they could take classes they could serve at church. If those women are in “retirement” mentality, letting the younger women serve because the older women have already, she’s right. But it may be they don’t feel they can handle some of the stress and pressure of organized ministry, yet they can be a testimony in a more relaxed setting like a craft class.

“Burnout.”

That’s not really a term that I like, but people do feel “burned out” in the Lord’s service sometimes. And this is another area where we can’t make blanket statements, but for me, anyway, and at least for some other people, we’re more apt to feel that way when: 1) We’ve taken on way more than we should, or 2) We don’t have adequate help, or 3) We’re serving in our own strength rather than the Lord’s. I would encourage pastors and ministry leaders to watch out for the first two. Sometimes we seem to heap more responsibilities on someone who is already serving because we see that they’re doing a good job until they have more than they can handle, and sometimes people do things on their own feeling heavily burdened but not seeking help because they don’t know who to ask or feel everyone else is either too busy or doesn’t have time or isn’t interested. I love our current church’s method of having ministry teams for most areas of service in the church rather than just one person in charge of different areas. The third area, serving in our own strength, is so easy to do: sometimes we start off leaning on the Lord but then get frantic and run out on our own. We need to acknowledge our weakness and appropriate His grace and strength daily, sometimes even moment by moment.

They may not feel wanted.

Some years ago a younger woman confided to me that she and others her age didn’t come to our monthly ladies’ meetings because it was all “older” women (though most of us there didn’t think we were that much older). That was the only church I have been a part of where that happened – in most, the ladies’ group was a joyful mix of ages and life situations and one of the best formats, in my opinion, for us to learn from each other. And, happily, even in that church things began to change: one or two new younger married women started coming (unaware of the prevailing sentiment, I guess), and eventually a handful of younger women started coming. I pray the trend continues. But I have to admit that hurt, and it has created in me a hesitancy sometimes to even interact with younger women because I feel they don’t want me to. Thankfully that’s not the case, and I feel I have some wonderful friendships with younger women, but I have to battle against a fear of rejection.

It may be time to minister to them.

My in-laws were very generous in helping their extended family when they could, but as they got older, my father-in-law retired and was on permanent disability due to injuries sustained at work, and their income diminished. As we noticed some family members still coming to them for help, my husband and I remarked that the family needed to come to realize that things were changing, that we needed to have the mindset of seeing how we could help them rather than expecting they were always going to be able to help us.

That’s true in the church family as well. Long before a “senior saint” goes to live in a nursing home or with family members, they might benefit from church ministrations. One year our church ladies’ group collected items for gift bags for some of the “shut-ins” and older women in church, then we divided up the gift bags and visited the ladies and delivered the bags. The visits meant more to them than the gifts, though they appreciated the gifts very much, and we were blessed in trying to bless them.

We had an older middle-aged lady in our neighborhood whose church came over and painted the outside of her home. It was something she couldn’t do herself and couldn’t afford to pay someone to do, and this was a tremendous help to her.

Even just visiting older neighbors and church members with some regularity might open up areas of ministry: they might need little things done like light bulbs changed that they can’t reach or overgrown bushes in the yard that need a trim. They might be hesitant to ask, they often don’t want to “be a bother,” but if you just happen to be there and notice, an offer to take care of such a problem would mean a lot.

If you’re a younger woman who would love to benefit from an older woman’s wisdom, first of all spend time with older ladies. Go where they are. Ask them questions. Invite them over, talk to them at church, etc. You can ask them if they’re willing to serve in some formal way – some are able and willing. But if they decline, and especially if they’re flustered, don’t press the matter. Pray about it and ask the Lord to change their mind if it is His will or to lay someone else on your heart to ask.

And as “older” ladies, we do have to be careful that we don’t let years of experience turn us into opinionated old biddies who are critical of new ideas and who consistently say, “Well, the way we always did it was…” Holding on to sound doctrine is something we’re called to do, but we can learn to adapt to new methods and styles.

We may or may not be able to do the same kinds of ministries we’ve always done, but we can seek God as to what exactly He would like for us to do. As long as the Lord has left us here on earth, He has something for us to do, some way for us to bless others. Sometimes we can be dismayed by our limitations, but as Elisabeth Elliot once said, limitations just define our ministry: “For it is with the equipment that I have been given that I am to glorify God. It is this job, not that one, that He gave me.”

Two glad services are ours,
Both the Master loves to bless.
First we serve with all our powers –
Then with all our feebleness.

Nothing else the soul uplifts
Save to serve Him night and day,
Serve Him when He gives His gifts –
Serve Him when He takes away.

C. A. Fox

This post will be linked to  Women Living Well.

Update: I followed this us with another post on Ways Older Women Can Serve.

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A Real Home

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I just rediscovered this in my files and thought I’d share it with you. I don’t remember where I first saw it: it says it came from the Yankee Kitchen Cookbook, 1969.

A Real Home

A Real Home is a gymnasium. The ideal of a healthy body is the first one to give a child.

A Real Home is a lighthouse. A lighthouse reveals the breakers ahead and shows a clear way past them.

A Real Home is a playground. Beware of the house where you “dassen’t frolic”–there mischief is brewing for someone.

A Real Home is a workshop. Pity the boy without a kit of tools or the girl without a sewing basket. They haven’t learned the fun of doing things, and there is no fun like it.

A Real Home is a forum. Honest, open discussion of life’s great problems belongs originally in the family circle.

A Real Home is a Secret Society. Loyalty to one’s family should mean keeping silent on family matters–just this and nothing more.

A Real Home is a Health Resort. Mothers are the natural physicians.

A Real Home is a cooperative league. Households flourish where the interest of each is made the interest of all.

A Real Home is a business concern. Order is a housewife’s hobby. But order without system is a harness without a horse.

A Real Home is a haven of refuge. The world does this for us all: it makes us hunger for a loving sympathy and a calming, soothing touch.

A Real Home is a Temple of Worship.

~Author unknown.

(Graphic courtesy of Graphic Garden)

Moms of Boys Blog Hop

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Mothers of BoysThe M.O.B. Society (Mothers of Boys) is having a blog hop in order to get to know each other better.

Welcome! My name is Barbara H. and I am in my early 50s. My husband Jim and I have been married for 31 years. My boys are almost 27, 24, and almost 18 (we’re in the middle of “birthday season” when the odometer rolls over for several in our family). I have one beautiful daughter-in-law, married to my middle son. Only my youngest lives at home and he is just starting his senior year of high school, so I am treasuring his last full year at home and helping him pray about college and majors and such. My mother-in-law lives in a nearby assisted living facility but we bring her over often and go visit her almost daily.

This is our last Christmas photo:

After spending most of our married lives in SC, the Lord moved us to TN almost a year ago. It’s been a year of changes and adjustments, but then, that’s life, isn’t it?

My blog is a hodgepodge. I love to write about books I have read, my family, thoughts from the Bible, encouragement to younger women, and anything else that captures my attention. I love to love as well and I think I have a fair share of humor sprinkled throughout my blog.

Some of my posts that might be of particular interest to younger moms are:

Encouragement for mothers of young children.
Motherhood advice.
Encouragement for homemakers.
A Quiet Spirit.
A mother’s nightly ritual– an original poem.
I Corinthians 13 for mothers.
Parenting teens.
Missing something? No, I don’t think so after all.
The ideal house.

The M.O.B. Society hosts asks us about favorite books of our boys. When they were little they loved Curious George, The Little Engine That Could, Golden Books, The Bible in Pictures for Little Eyes, Mike Mulligan, Keep the Lights Burning, Abbey, Jesse Bear books by Nancy White Carlstrom, books by Robert McCloskey, P. D. Eastman. My oldest, as he got into his pre-teens, liked Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, Encyclopedia Brown, Roald Dahl books, and developed a liking for science fiction.

I hope you enjoy your visit here, and I am looking forward to “meeting” you!