What’s On Your Nightstand: February 2015

Posted on February 24, 2015 by Barbara Harper

The folks at 5 Minutes For Books host What’s On Your Nightstand? the fourth Tuesday of each month in which we can share about the books we have been reading and/or plan to read.

It’s been a colder than usual February here, and you’d think that would have lent itself to cozy days curled up on the couch with a throw blanket and a book. There were a few moments like that, though not as many as I would have liked. Here’s what my reading situation is currently:

Since last time I have completed:

Emily Climbs by L. M. Montgomery for Carrie‘s L. M. M. Reading Challenge this month and her Reading to Know Classics Book Club, reviewed here. Not my favorite.

By the Shores of Silver Lake by Laura Ingalls Wilder, 5th in her Little House series for my Laura Ingalls Wilder Reading Challenge this month, reviewed here.

Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl by Lysa TerKeurst, reviewed here. Excellent!

A Promise Kept by Robin Lee Hatcher, reviewed here. Very good.

I Deserve a Donut (And Other Lies That Make You Eat) by Barb Raveling. Excellent, but I am waiting to review it together with the other Raveling book I am currently reading.

I’m currently reading:

The Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder, also for the LIW Reading Challenge.

Taste For Truth: A 30 Day Weight Loss Bible Study by Barb Raveling, recommended by my friend Kim.

The Pound a Day Diet by Rocco DiSpirito. Almost done.

A Million Little Ways: Uncover the Art You Were Made to Live by Emily Freeman

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, audiobook. I’m about 1/3 of the way through. Progress!

Next up:

Pioneer Girl by Laura Ingalls Wilder has not come in yet and I have gotten a notice that it will be delayed even more, but I’m looking forward to it when it finally does arrive.

Out of a Far Country: A Gay Son’s Journey to God. A Broken Mother’s Search for Hope by Christopher & Angela Yuan, recommended by Tim Challies.

To See the Moon Again by Jamie Langston Turner

Better to Be Broken by Rick Huntress

I also wrote about finding time to read, as I often get asked how I do. I invite you to check out that post and let me know if there are ways you find time to read that I hadn’t thought of.

Happy Reading!

Book Review: A Promise Kept

Posted on February 23, 2015 by Barbara Harper

In A Promise Kept by Robin Lee Hatcher, Allison Kavanagh moves into her aunt’s cabin in the woods of Idaho after a divorce that she did not want, prayed against, and was certain that God would prevent. In fact, she had been fairly sure that God had impressed upon her that He would heal her marriage. Tony was an alcoholic and his drinking had grown more out of control until it threatened the safety of their family, particularly their daughter. Allison had issued an ultimatum – and Tony had left. Now Allison’s not certain whether she knows how to ascertain His voice and leading at all, and she feels like a failure as a wife and a Christian.

Allison discovers a hope chest with photos, her aunt’s journals, and a wedding dress. She decides to pass the long winter nights by organizing the photos and reading the journals. A number of photos of her single aunt show her in close company with a handsome young man when they were both in their twenties. Did Aunt Emma have a beau that no one had known about?

As Allison settles into small town life and her “new normal,” she begins to heal emotionally and spiritually. Getting to know a new friend and getting back into church and her Bible help along those lines. Thanks largely to her daughter, she has several encounters with Tony and notices apparent changes in him, but after the numerous cycles they went through in their marriage, she is wary of trusting that the changes are permanent. And then when she least expects it, God shows her that His way and timing of keeping His promises may be different from hers, but He does keep them.

This story was largely based on author Robin Lee Hatcher’s own life. It’s not an exact replication, and there are differences between the circumstances and personalities of all involved. Oddly, some of the points of the story that some have criticized as “fairy-taleish” are the most true parts. I appreciated Robin’s note to readers at the end with a bit of a window into her own story, and I am thankful she and her husband were willing to share their story with others.

I wanted to read this book because I enjoy Robin’s books, especially her contemporary stories; because her stories are usually set in Idaho, and my husband is from ID; and because my own father was an alcoholic. My own parents’ story was closer to Emma’s than Allison’s or Robin’s; their marriage was not healed, but I am thankful God did heal my father of his alcoholism and save him, also in a time and way totally unexpected but shining forth with His grace. And I am thankful for the reminder Allison’s mother gave to her that while “God hated divorce, He did not hate the divorced. God loved her and wanted His best for her. Her life was not over. God still had a purpose and a plan for her. All she had to do was trust Him.”

(This review will also be linked to Semicolon‘s Saturday Review of Books.)

Laudable Linkage

Posted on February 21, 2015 by Barbara Harper

It has been almost a month since I’ve shared links that I have found interesting for one reason for another, so I hope you’ll forgive a longer list this time, and I hope you find something of interest among them:

Twenty-One Grains of Wheat. A must-read about the 21 people killed by ISIS.

An Extraordinary Skill for Ordinary Christians. Ways any of us can minister to others.

How to Make the Most of Your Bible Study.

Intimacy or Familiarity. Sometimes it is good to read large portions of the Bible to get the overall view, sometimes it is good to hone in on a smaller passage for a longer time. Love the truth that Bible study doesn’t have to be either/or, but that we need both.

23 Things That Love Is.

What My 9-Year-Old Taught Me About Being Willing to Follow God Into Uncomfortable Places.

How to Spot Mean Girls at Church, and How Not To Be One.

When To Overlook a Fault. This is something I’ve struggled with – when to confront and when to overlook.

When Pain Enters, HT to Lisa. Setting aside the Calvinist/non-Calvinist arguments over which so many disagree, there are some good thoughts from one in pain about how God uses it.

Praying For Adult Children.

Spurgeon on Christians Who Rail Against the Times. HT to Challies. Of course we observe the times and interpret them in light of what the Bible has to say, but I do get frustrated with those Christians whose constant theme is harping about how bad the times are. Evidently there were those even in Spurgeon’s day. I love what he had to say: “What have you and I to do with the times, except to serve God in them?” “We must not be “Woe! Woe!” Christians. We must be “Grace! Grace!” Christians.”

Gentle Fiction: What It Is and Why I Write It. I had never heard the term “gentle fiction” before, but it perfectly describes the kinds of books I most like to read.

Forty Portraits in Forty Years, HT to Challies. One photographer took a photo of four sisters once a year over 40 years. Fascinating to see the progression.

Adding Beauty. Love this philosophy of decorating and making home “homey.”

Why Missionaries Hate Airports from my real-life friend and missionary, Lou Ann. I always love glimpses into aspects of missionary life that we might not have thought of or realized.

Dear Moms: It’s OK to Be Unremarkable. Nothing wrong with gleaning neat ideas from Pinterest, posting pictures on Facebook, or making 3-layer cakes, but the point is well-made that we don’t need to “compete” in all these areas.

Are You Too Sensitive?

Six Reasons Your Husband May Not Like Your Women’s Group.

Dear Mom…Worried About Your Daughter’s Reading Material?

Emotional Vertigo.

7 Principles of Sabbath Rest.

God Makes One Baby Boy “Different” To Save Hundreds of Others.

And in the “You think YOU’VE got snow” category, Kathie, one of my FFF friends in Prince Edward Isle, showed 16-foot snow banks in her area and shared this funny clip:

Too much snow for me!

Hope you have a great day!

Friday’s Fave Fives

Posted on February 20, 2015 by Barbara Harper

It’s Friday, time to look back over the blessings of the week with Susanne at Living to Tell the Story and other friends.

It’s been a cold one here, with ice and snow and subzero temperatures – and another round of snow and ice is expected for tonight. I am very thankful we’ve all been safe and haven’t lost power. I was thinking this morning as I looked on my weather app that it’s funny to think of 27 degrees as “warming up.” We’re supposed to get into the 40s tomorrow – that will feel downright balmy after this week.

Here are some favorites moments of this week:

1. Fresh eggs. Some years ago was the first time I ever had eggs fresh from a farm, and man, what a difference. We’ve talked off and on about trying to find a source for them here but never really pursued it. Then I saw a friend from church on Facebook talking about where she got hers, contacted her and she was willing to pick some up for me when she gets hers.

2. Valentine’s Day is a favorite every year. We had our usual heart-shaped meat loaves and cupcakes and played some games afterward.

3. A wonderful sermon on grace, a subject we probably can’t hear too much about, from a visiting speaker at church. In one sense, if we’ve walked with the Lord for a long time we might feel like we know all about it, but we need fresh reminders, and this particular message really spoke to my heart and brought up one aspect I hadn’t really considered before.

4. Figuring out how to access photos on my WordPress app. I used to have to send pictures on my phone by email to my computer, download them there, then upload them into my blog. It was very simple to learn how to add them directly into a post with the WordPress app on my phone – I just hadn’t taken the time to look at it until this week. Should have long ago!

5. Baby’s first snow pictures. Love, love, love these!

Timothy is not really standing on his own yet except for a few seconds at a time. Jason said this heavy snowsuit and layers of clothes underneath making it hard to bend his legs helped a lot. 🙂

BONUS: It is my sweet daughter-in-law’s birthday today! Happy birthday, Mittu!

We’re hoping to celebrate tomorrow, after we see what the weather does overnight.

Happy Friday!

Book Review: By the Shores of Silver Lake

Posted on February 19, 2015 by Barbara Harper

By the Shores of Silver Lake by Laura Ingalls Wilder opens on a sad time. Everyone in the family except Pa and Laura have had scarlet fever, and Mary has been left blind. Pa has no idea how he will pay the bill for the doctor, who has come every day. In the previous book, On the Banks of Plum Creek, the family had experienced a devastating grasshopper invasion, prairie fires, and blizzards. They were about at the end of their rope at this point, when a relative visits with a job offer for Charles. Her husband was a contractor working with the railroads, and needed a good man to be the “storekeeper, bookkeeper, and time keeper” at a railroad camp. The job would pay $50 a month, and there was an opportunity to claim a homestead. Ma doesn’t want to leave and wants the family to be settled, but agrees this opportunity seems providential. The sale of their farm covers all their expenses and provides a little extra. Pa goes on ahead to start the job while Ma and the girls continue to recuperate and gain strength and then get ready to move. They come later on the train – a new experience for all of them, and I particularly enjoyed Laura’s description of how it both scared and excited her. Laura “knew now what Pa meant when he spoke of the wonderful times they were living in…in one morning, they had actually traveled a whole week’s journey.” Pa later muses, “I wouldn’t wonder if you’ll live to see a time, Laura, when pretty nearly everybody’ll ride on railroads and there’ll hardly be a covered wagon left.”

First they get used to the railroad camp, where Ma instructs the girls to stay away from the “rough men,” but Pa indulges Laura’s curiosity one day and takes her to see the construction and explain it all to her.

Then, when that section of the railroad is done and the camp breaks up for winter, the Ingalls family is offered use of the surveyors’ house for the winter. The surveyors will be gone for the winter but the house is snug and well-stocked, and that will allow the family to save money by staying on instead of having to travel back East. Plus they’ll get a head start on claiming their homestead before spring, when great numbers are expected to travel west. But their nearest neighbor is 60 miles away on one side and 40 on the other. Introvert that I am, that would be a little too isolated for even me! But as it turns out, they do have more visitors than expected, and as they are in the only occupied house on the prairie at that time, they provide a lot of hospitality when people come.

There are dangers with wolves, unruly men, claim jumpers, horse thieves and the possibility that Pa might miss out on his claim. There is a joyous Christmas, lots of violin playing in the winter evenings, the springing up of a new town almost overnight come springtime, meeting new friends and unexpectedly coming across a few old ones.

A few observations:

Laura is almost 13 and starts out a little weary this time, as the main helper to the family after Mary’s illness, though Mary eventually recovers some abilities and helps keep little Grace entertained.

Their parents ask Laura to be Mary’s eyes and describe things to her, and I can’t help but think that sharpened both her skills of observations and her descriptive ability. Mary tells Laura she “makes pictures when she talks.”

There is one remark by and about Ma concerning Indians that makes one wince and would be considered racist today. I think it was primarily motivated by fear: they had had some scary encounters with Indians in Little House on the Prairie, and of course the Indians had right to be upset with the white man’s encroachment on their lands. But their main ways of fighting back were, of course, terribly frightening to white people, so it is no wonder there were bad feelings on both sides that took ages to begin to overcome (and is not completely overcome even now).

I appreciated the way Ma tried to teach the girls to “know how to behave, to speak nicely in low voices and have gentle manners and always be ladies” despite the rough and uncivilized places they lived.

During the days of building a building in town and then a claim shanty were days that would have been very hard for me, as they lived in unfinished places (waking up one morning with a foot of snow on top of them in the house from an unexpected blizzard) and continued building around themselves. It was for them as well, but they took it in stride. Pa comments once, “That’s what it takes to build up a country. Building over your head and under your feet, but building. We’d never get anything fixed to suit us if we waited for things to suit us before we started.”

I am glad Laura included words to many of the songs that Pa played and the family sang. I knew many of them, and that helped me imagine the scenes.

Laura catches a fleeting glimpse of her future husband, Almanzo, but at this point she’s primarily interested in his beautiful horses and has no idea of their future.

Laura shares her Pa’s desire to explore and would rather continue to travel and see new places rather than settle down, but Pa promised Ma they would finally stay put.

I was puzzled by Ma’s suppression of the girls’ outbursts of emotion, laughter as well as anger. The family did laugh quite a lot, but there were times Ma restrained them in situations where, these days, we wouldn’t have a problem. I think that was just what politeness and”ladylikeness” looked like at that time. I am all for teaching children restraint and self-control; it just went farther than what we would consider necessary by today’s standards.

Once again I enjoyed this glimpse into our country’s history as well as into the Ingalls family. There is always much I admire about them. This would be an excellent book for children to read to understand how the Homestead Act worked out in real life and what people had to go through to settle in a new area then. But it is a good book to just read for enjoyment as well.

(This review will also be linked to Semicolon‘s Saturday Review of Books.)

Odds and Ends

Posted on February 17, 2015 by Barbara Harper

I thought I’d share various “stray thoughts” on my mind lately, none big enough for its own blog post:

The big news here is the weather. Of course, the southeastern US has not had it nearly as bad as New England, but then, we’re not equipped for it either. Counties can’t afford all the necessary equipment to just use once or twice a year. We were supposed to get snow and ice yesterday, but just got ice. Jim went on in to work but Great-Grandma’s caregiver didn’t make it here today.

One of my main concerns is the power going out, especially in regard to heat and pureeing and heating Great-Grandma’s food (and, let’s be honest, I like having access to my media as well. 🙂 ) Last night I heard there were over 11,000 local people without power. Hoping they can get it all repaired soon. We do have one space heater, so we can all huddle together in one room if need be.

This is the forecast for the rest of the week. Yikes! -13?!

In other news….after my last oral surgery, I once again thought something that comes to mind often when one of us has some kind of procedure: I wonder why doctor’s offices don’t send you home with samples of the medicine or at least call it in while you’re there so you can just pick it up on the way home? Trying to drop my prescription off and answer the pharmacist’s questions with my mouth stuffed with gauze was fun. 🙂 And then I had to go back again and pick it up. Similarly, I felt bad when having to take Jim fresh from kidney surgery or one of the kids from wisdom teeth removal through the interminable drive-through at the pharmacy, get them home and settled, and then leave them alone to go back to pick up meds. I can understand small offices and clinics might not want to keep some of the stronger prescription painkillers on hand since it might increase the likelihood of break-ins, but hospitals would have them on hand. I actually remember the days when pharmacies would deliver prescription medications to your home. 🙂 That would be nice, but probably too expensive these days, and probably too much risk of robbery.

Speaking of medical matters….It seems like every medical appointment I make, they tell you the time of your appointment and then ask you to come in 10-30 minutes early to fill our paperwork or do preliminary procedures. I wish they’d just give you the time they want you there. I look at the appointment card they gave me and have to think, “The appointment’s at 9, but what time am I supposed to actually be there??”

Am I the only one that uses delicious.com to save links any more? Whenever I save something there, it tells me I am the first person to save it, and I know I am not the first person to read it, so I wonder how others save or make note of things they’ve read online that they want to remember. I’ve heard a lot about Evernote but it seems complicated.

When I first started blogging, the prevailing advice was to put something interesting in the space that a person first sees when they come on to your blog, something that will make them want to scroll down and read the rest. Nowadays I see not only blogs but web sites that have almost a full screen photo as the first thing you see when you come to the site, and you have to scroll down to read any content. Funny how those things change over time. Neither way is intrinsically better or worse, but personally, I’d rather be able to start reading the blog post or article when I first come to the site rather than having to scroll down just to find it.

Speaking of photos: I really enjoy the creativity I see on Facebook and Pinterest with different kids of photo set-ups these days. But if I could offer one thought to those setting up photo shoots for engagements, weddings, babies, families, or whatever: what your relatives and friends want to see, and what I think you’ll most want to look back on, are people’s faces. An occasional hazy or distant or silhouetted shot in a larger group of shots is fine, but get some close ups of those loved faces.

If onomatopoeia is words that sound like what they are (ping, fizz. etc.), is there a word for words that don’t sound anything like what they are? Like sublime, which means, according to Dictionary.com., “impressing the mind with a sense of grandeur or power; inspiring awe, veneration, etc.; supreme or outstanding,” but doesn’t sound like any of those.

Jesse was telling me about a cop that proposed to his girlfriend by having two other cops pull her over as if she were in trouble for something, and then he showed up with the engagement ring. I don’t think I’d be in much of a mood to discuss marriage after being pulled over. 🙂

One of the app games I play with my sisters is very similar to Wheel of Fortune, and I thought I got the phrase we were playing as “Raiders of the Lost Ark” – only I put Arc. Sigh. Sounds like a geometry story problem. 🙂

Well, that’s probably enough rambling for one day. Hope you’re having a good day and staying warm!

Valentine’s Cards

Posted on February 16, 2015 by Barbara Harper

I have an embarrassingly large supply of materials to make cards. Most have been picked up on sales or with coupons. I have used some over the years to make personal cards or for projects for our ladies’ group and missionaries, but I have quite a lot on hand still. Often by the time I think of making a card for an event. I don’t have enough time. But this year I determined it make Valentine’s Day cards for the family, and I thought I’d show them to you. I perused my Cards and Papercrafts and Valentine’s Ideas Pinterest boards for inspiration and used a few there as springboards but came up with a few others on my own.

This was Jim’s:

The key is a little 3-d sticker and the only thing I bought especially for these cards: everything else I had on hand. He’s enjoyed joking that keys to my heart can be bought at Hobby Lobby. 🙂

This was Jeremy’s:

The inside said “…To wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day.” I think the brown hearts look like chocolate, and they’re a great way to get hearts on a man’s card so it’s more masculine looking than the pink ones I gravitate to. 🙂 I usually make heart-shaped chocolate cupcakes decorated with sprinkles or icing for Valentine’s Day, and I thought these were reminiscent of those or of chocolate candies. Most of the hearts of various sizes on the cards were made with punches.

This was Jason’s:

The inside says “That’s our love for you,” meaning it’s so great it can’t be measured. I just realized last night or some time this morning that I didn’t have a heart on his. Sorry about that, Jason! Here’s one for you: ♥ 🙂

This was Mittu’s:

The inside says “On Valentine’s Day and every day!” The little envelope was made with help from a template I found by searching online for “small envelope templates.” I have a neat punch that rounds off corners and used that for the words here. By the way, the words were all printed out on the computer with the Bradley Hand ITC font except for the letters for “LOVE” here, and those were from a page of punch-out letters. My own handwriting, I’m sorry to say, would not make for a pretty card. The words on the other cards I cut out with a scissors with a torn-paper-looking edge. That one is a little more forgiving than, say, a scalloped edge. I have a hard time cutting in a straight line, so this particular scissors helps. I have a mini paper cutter for longer straight lines.

This was Timothy’s:

The inside says, “To our favorite snuggle buddy.” It was inspired by this pin, but when I tried to click through to the site to see if the card maker had instructions or a pattern, I couldn’t find the original site, nor could I find it by searching Google using the terms I thought I had originally found it with. So I had to wing it (pun intended. 🙂 ). Then I realized this card was going to be from both my husband and I, so I needed more than just one adult with the baby bird.

This one was Jesse’s:

I think the inside just said “Happy Valentine’s Day!”

With the last two, I was running out of both time and ideas, so they are somewhat similar. This was Great-Grandma’s (or Mom, to my husband and me):

Sorry about the shadow on this one. The inside says, “Your example has taught us how to love….May we show you as much love as you have shown us.”

This was for Jesse’s girlfriend, Meaghan:

All of the borders were from packages of stick-on strips – very handy! And Hobby Lobby has them on sale 1/2 price pretty frequently in the scrapbooking section.

And on the back of each card was this stamp with either Mom, Grandma, or Barbara written in accordingly:

They were a lot of fun to make, though they did take quite a bit of time. Actually once I decided what to do for each one and chose the decorative papers, it didn’t take long to put them together: the decision-making was the hardest part.

I’m hoping this will jump-start me into making more cards rather than buying them this year. It will probably depend on how much time I have before each occasion and whether I remember to start on then in time. But I think they add a nice touch.

Occasionally I’ve thought about starting an Etsy shop to sell things like this. But I’d also like to do more writing and various other things, so I am not sure of which way the Lord would have me use my time yet. So for now I’ll just do them as I have time for the family and think about the possibility of expanding on them later.

Quotes about love beyond Valentine’s Day

Posted on February 14, 2015 by Barbara Harper

In the past I have written about how much I love Valentine’s Day, how we celebrate it, foods we use, favorite love songs, quotes, etc., and I plan to enjoy some of those things to the hilt today (I hope you can, too!) This year I wanted to do something different. All of those other things are fun, but real love (not just romantic love, but loving our families, our neighbors, and even our enemies) involves more and is often difficult, especially when our different wills, desires, or habits clash. These quotes help me in the everyday life, rubber meeting the road kind of challenges of loving other people. Maybe they’ll be a help to you, too.

The springs of love are in God, not in us. It is absurd to look for the love of God in our hearts naturally; it is only there when it has been shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit.

— Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, April 30

Love means to love that which is unlovable; or it is no virtue at all.

– G K Chesterton

To love those whom we do not like means that we treat them as if we did like them — to choose to act kindly toward them even though we do not like them….The Bible does not ask us to like the brethren, it asks us to love them, and that means, therefore, something like this: we may not like certain Christians. I mean by that, there is none of this instinctive, elemental attraction; they are not the people whom we naturally like; yet what we are told is that to love them means that we treat them exactly as if we did like them. Now, the men and women of the world do not do that; if they do not like people, they treat them accordingly and have nothing to do with them. But Christian love means that we look beyond that. We see the Christian in them, the brother or sister, and we even go beyond what we do not like, and we help that person. Love your brethren — that is the exhortation with which we are concerned.

— Martyn Lloyd-Jones on I John 3:16-18 in his book Children of God

How many of you will join me in reading this chapter (I Corinthians 13) once a week for the next three months? A man did that once and it changed his whole life. Will you do it? It is for the greatest thing in the world. You might begin by reading it every day, especially the verses which describe the perfect character. “Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself.” Get these ingredients into your life. Then everything that you do is eternal. It is worth doing. It is worth giving time to. No man can become a saint in his sleep; and to fulfill the condition required demands a certain amount of prayer and meditation and time, just as improvement in any direction, bodily or mental, requites preparation and care. Address yourselves to that one thing; at any cost have this transcendent character exchanged for yours.

– Henry Drummond, The Greatest Thing in the World

Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also many things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called “being in love” usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending “They lived happily ever after” is taken to mean “They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,” then it says what probably was never was or ever could be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be “in love” need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from “being in love” is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both parents ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be “in love” with someone else. “Being in love” first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.

– C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

The labor of self-love is a heavy one indeed. Think whether much of your sorrow has not arisen from someone speaking slightingly of you. As long as you set yourself up as a little god to which you must be loyal, how can you hope to find inward peace? – A.W. Tozer

As we remember the lovingkindness of the Lord, we see how good it was to find our own strength fail us, since it drove us to the strong for strength. – Spurgeon

Walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:1b-3.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7, ESV.

Friday’s Fave Five

Posted on February 13, 2015 by Barbara Harper

It’s Friday, time to look back over the blessings of the week with Susanne at Living to Tell the Story and other friends.

I try to keep a running list during the week for things to possibly include for the Friday’s Fave Five, and it’s a good thing, because sometimes on Friday when I sit down at the computer, I can’t even remember what happened yesterday, much less since last week. That’s one of many reasons why I love the FFF: it reminds me of my blessings and reminds me to be thankful for them. Here are a few from this week:

1. A baby shower for a lady at church. I love brunch showers and all the breakfasty things, the time to fellowship with other ladies, and watching all the cute little baby things being unwrapped. (Something that amused me for this shower: usually when I wrap a baby gift, I’ll write “Baby…” and the last name on the card: Baby Smith, Baby Jones, etc. This family’s last name was Bottoms, and it didn’t strike me until I started to address the card that it would be to Baby Bottoms. 🙂 Got a good chuckle out of that.)

2. A hairdresser who makes house calls. One thing we had to iron out when Great-Grandma came to live with us was haircuts. It would be difficult, though not impossible, to get her to a salon, but then we’d have no way to get her in one of their chairs, and her Broda chair is too high in the back for someone to reach around to cut her hair while she’s in it. Her former caregiver used to do it: it was above her job description, but she offered to give it a try, and it worked out well. When she left last December, we weren’t sure what we were going to do. I tried it once but wasn’t pleased with it (I have no hair-cutting skills!) Our current caregiver said that she knew a lady who came out to the home of her last patient, so we arranged for her to come out this week. Everything worked out well and she charged us less than what we were expecting. She cut her hair while she was in bed, and she was leaning forward enough for her to be able to reach. She had one of those hairdresser capes that caught most of the hair, but it was done right before her shower, so we were able to change her and the sheets afterward.

3. Kyle eating. A man from our church had a lung transplant over a year ago (it may have been a double lung transplant – I can’t remember for sure.) They’re still dealing with issues related to that and working on his healing. He has had trouble with his esophagus for some time – not sure whether it is connected to the lung issue or a separate issue, but it caused him to aspirate some food into his lungs: not good when you have lung issues in the first place. So he has not been able to eat or drink by mouth for months now. I just cannot imagine – what I can imagine isn’t pleasant! But just this week he passed a swallowing test and was able to eat real food again. That just made my day, maybe my whole week, when I heard.

4. Ground beef on sale. That might sound silly to include, but the price of lean ground beef has been so high for months that I just haven’t bought any. We use ground turkey for most things anyway, but I have a few recipes where ground beef works best. I was going to splurge and buy some for the little heart-shaped meat loaves I often make for Valentine’s Day, and lo and behold, they were marked down. Still too high in my opinion, but I figured I wasn’t going to see that price again any time soon, so I bought 4 packs in order to be able to make some of those other recipes later on as well. I was delighted.

5. Button decorations. I finished off the last of my Christmas gift card to Hobby Lobby with these cute button decorations for my sewing/craft room. They’re each 7 1/2″ across. Honestly, I thought they were way overpriced, but I got one with my 40% off coupon one week, and when I went to do the same another week, they were on sale 1/2 price, so that made them fairly reasonable. Now I have to decide where to hang them.

Sorry for so many lengthy explanations. 🙂 Hope you’re having a good week, and Happy Valentine’s Eve! 🙂

The Quiet Person in the Small group

Posted on February 11, 2015 by Barbara Harper

A church’s small groups or Bible studies can help people to get to know one another and provide a more interactive approach than the main preaching service. I’ve seen a number of articles and blog posts about how to help one’s small group function at its best, and one item that always comes up is what to do about the quiet person who doesn’t say much.

The usual advice is to call on that person by name during the discussion time with a direct question, such as “Mary, what do you think?” May I say on behalf of quiet people everywhere: please don’t do that. Asking the group members to “turn to their neighbor” to discuss one on one a question from the study isn’t much better.

People may be quiet for any number of reasons. Maybe they’re introverts, shy, lacking in confidence to speak out, or just a quiet personality. All of those things don’t necessarily go together: introverts are not always shy and quiet people aren’t always lacking in confidence. But all of them cringe at being put on the spot, especially in front of others.

Small group leaders should naturally make leading their group a matter of prayer, part of which would be asking for wisdom in how to minister to the various personalities in the group and facilitate the best kinds of interaction.

Some people may not feel comfortable about speaking out in a group. I’m not talking butterflies in the stomach nervousness: I’m talking full-blown anxiety. Calling on them will only increase that fear and make them unlikely to come next time. It helps that person to be friendly and talk with them before or after the group: maybe over time she’ll feel comfortable enough to speak out. If she does share something while talking alone with the group leader, perhaps the leader can say something like, “That’s a great thought, Susan. Would you mind of I shared that with the others during discussion time, or would you like to, perhaps?”

Some may be mulling things over. Introverts in particular take a while to process what they hear and learn. That person honestly may not have an answer for you, or she may still be thinking about something from two questions ago. It might help someone like that to ask at the end of the discussion if anyone has any thoughts on anything discussed that day: that way she can feel comfortable bringing up a thought from earlier without feeling like she’s holding up progress for everyone else. Or, at the beginning of the next session the leader could ask if anyone has any thoughts from last week’s discussion: if someone has been processing the discussion through the week, she’ll be more likely to have something to say about it after some extending time to think about it.

Some might not contribute to the discussion due to fear of saying the wrong thing, especially in a Christian discussion. While we don’t need to let a falsehood pass just to be nice, we can handle it in a gracious way: “I can see how you might come to that conclusion. But consider this aspect…” People are more likely to contribute to the discussion if they feel safe doing so.

Some of my blog friends have mentioned their small groups getting together socially apart from their regular study, perhaps after one study and before beginning another. This is a great way for group members to feel more comfortable with each other and might facilitate more interaction in the regular group meetings. A quiet person is not likely to be the life of the party even in a purely social setting, but she may get to know one or two people a little better, and that’s progress.

Naturally small groups work best if there is a good deal of balanced interaction. Some translate that into thinking their group time has been a “success” only if everyone has participated, i.e., spoken and shared something with the group, every time. But may I suggest that’s putting form above function. It can breed thoughts like, “I have to think of something to say so people don’t think I’m unspiritual,” which adds even more pressure to the quiet person. A person may be benefiting greatly from her time there, yet never say a word, at least during the group discussion. After all, listening is participating.

OK, you might say, she might be getting something, but what is she giving? Maybe nothing to the group that day except her presence. But maybe she takes the truths she has learned and applies them in her own life, or teaches them to her children, or discusses them with a close friend, or expands on them in a blog post.

Sometimes one aspect of wanting to see everyone participate is wanting to see results, and those are not always for us to see: sometimes we just have to trust that God is using His Word in people’s lives even if they don’t tell us about it.

I’m not suggesting that everyone reading this opt for silence during the next Bible study or small group get-together, nor am I suggesting that quiet people should never extend themselves (perhaps a topic for a separate post some time). ~~They~~ We should. But ~~they’ll~~ we’ll be more likely to without the artificial pressure of trying to come up with something to say just because it is expected.